Karezza: sex without O

Awesome. It's worth a try! It takes some time to get the hang of so I'd say don't just try it once and give up. Also, when there is an O it's helpful to look at that as a learning experience. How did it did it effect you? What caused the O? What should we change or try different.

I'd love to hear if it's helpful for you?

 

Oh, I just saw this in Reddit. Not sure how to give the person credit, but here's what was said.

"Edging (without porn) is training your brain to become aroused by your hand and your thoughts (which may include recalling porn or porn related). Having sex with a person (ejaculating or not) is training your brain to become aroused by a real person."

Yes!! Exactly.

 

I actually have a different opinion on this than @less-or-none. My husband also gets quite close to O and we do not consider it edging. When we have sex and he abstains from O he is not fantasizing, he's focused on the moment with me, a real human being. Edging is typically, in my understanding, done alone and while viewing or fantasizing about porn type sex.

The danger with getting so close to the edge is that you will fall over the edge and O. Still, even with getting close to the edge my husband has been able to go 40, 90 and 30 days without orgasm. So it is possible.

I think the true test is whether karezza is helping you. There must be a reason you have decided to continue with it. Have you noticed any detrimental side effects? For my husband we've both noticed that when he Is it comes with brain fog, ect., so, although he has occasionally returned to orgasming with me, we have continued going back to karezza because we see that it is helping him. But when he abstains from O, even while getting very close to the edge, he does not face that.

Having said all that, everyone has to find their own way. Not getting close to the edge is what the author of the book "Cupid's Poisoned Arrow" advocates for. She talks about gentle sex, little to no thrusting and no oral sex. What @less-or-none is talking about sounds closer to that. I certainly don't want to push anyone away from slowing things down, it's something I've talked to my husband about at various times but not something we've achieved. I do, however, disagree that getting close to the edge with a partner, especially in a committed, loving relationship, is like edging. I agree with this in Reddit.

"Edging (without porn) is training your brain to become aroused by your hand and your thoughts (which may include recalling porn or porn related). Having sex with a person (ejaculating or not) is training your brain to become aroused by a real person."

As both of you mentioned, as the female half, I am no longer abstaining from Os. So, yes, I suppose you could technically say it's no longer karezza. But as long as both partners are happy and see benefits, I see no reason why a couple can't make their own rules. There is no karezza police.

 

In fact, I blogged about our "rule breaking'" including my orgasms and my husband's exploration of O without ejaculation, recently at the website maintained by the author of the book and she said:

"Everyone' explorations are valid. Finding what works for you is what really matters. By passing up the conventional fertilization-driven orgasm, other options open up."

https://www.reuniting.info/blogs/fupornwife/quick-update

Note I didn't address the idea of edging, but maybe I will, in the future. Secondly, I blog there under my old name, fupornwife. My name was changed here at nofap, at my choice, when my husband changed his.

 

I'd gotten busy and forgot to come back here but I did want to respond to this. I think it's great that you've discovered these benefits! That is awesome. What you are doing is working for you and I'm happy for you.

 

That sounds like a great plan!

 

If you want to try slower you may also want to work to increase your focus on bonding behaviors. Here's a good link. https://www.reuniting.info/resources/exchange_of_the_day

 

Cupid's Poisoned Arrow
https://www.amazon.com/Cupids-Poisoned-Arrow-Harmony-Relationships/dp/1556438095

 

We tried karezza after about two weeks of no O. The book says that's about how long, some less some a bit more, it takes most people to get past the ways an O affects you. Everybody is different. Id say about 2 weeks or a bit longer. The book recommends a long, slow reintroduction to actual intercourse with lots of bonding activities. We didn't do that but we did avoid penetration our first attempt at karezza. I do recommend you start with bonding activities like FANOS and cuddling!

Expect blue balls! It's painful but eventually my husband's body adjusted and he doesn't get it anymore. A cold washcloth or cold shower helps. Do it right away, before the pain starts, if possible.

 

@Portocala, if you're interested, we have a group for the loved ones of PMO addicts. All wives, girlfriends, husbands and boyfriends of addicts are welcome. Go to groups and find SOS: Significant others support.