Just married

Welcome to NoFap where you are amongst friends who are here to encourage you and sometimes challenge you but not judge you.

The enemy is here to steal, kill and destroy. What are your current strategies for combating the enemy called PMO?

 

Check out In Case You Didn't Know for strategies and tips which may help you along your journey.

 

Maybe... and I don't know so this is just speculation... if you stuck to a reboot and really gave up all porn and fantasy and masturbation... the quality of your lovemaking with your wife would increase to a point where she became more interested in sex. I've noticed many of the SO's here talk about how poor their sexual experiences are when their partners are using... and I know from experience that I am much more present during sex during my periods of abstaining from porn and masturbation.

Sex drive isn't only physiological - It's mental too. Maybe if you quit your extracurricular sexual activities you could light her fire again. There's only one way to find out, but you gotta stick with it for a long time.

 

I am female and I ended things with my ex addict who had DE. There are two reasons I suspect that your wife is not interested in sex with you 1. You say that you are not mentally or physically present during sex as you are fantasizing and 2. You have problems orgasming with her and often have to finish yourself off. Both of these things will stop if you stop PMO. Having had sex with an addict and non addicts a woman can tell when you are not present with her during sex and it is repulsive to her. would you want to have sex with someone who was fantasizing the whole time about somebody else? I doubt it. You don't think we feel or see this but we do. No eye contact, no intimate touching. Second DE is a huge libido killler for women. It makes us feel insecure, bad in bed, not attractive enough and when we have sex with you we feel like failures. Women want to be desired that is a huge part of their sexuality. And sitting there watching you use your hand is not sex nor is it enjoyable.

 

Hi

I am on similar journey to you. My advice is to quit PMO altogether (not just P, but also M. So you only O with your wife). Refocus all your sexual energy on her. It sounds as if you are able to talk openly about these issues, which should be a great help. One thing you could try is asking your wife if you can have sex for a while where the focus is solely on her and you take your O out of the equation. If the thing that she is not enjoying is trying and failing to make you O, then stop doing that for a while. Focus on her body, her pleasure, her response and her O. Try different scenarios to underline the change. (Such as her being naked and you fully clothed). Bringing her to O, not expecting her to reciprocate and then cuddling will be a powerful demonstration that you love her and that you are willing to make sacrifices to improve this part of your relationship. Focusing on your wife this way, providing you stay clean of P and P-subs, should accelerate the re-wiring of your brain and help you get to the point where sex with her is enough for you to O.

Good luck

ANH

 

Associating with other married men is also helpful as well.
Here are just a few that come to mind:

@JohnQ3369
@phuck-porn!
@ILoathePorn
@FreshStartJames
@i_wanna_get_better1
@Scruff

Each of these men, and there are countless more, who have shared there struggles, although different, but may be encouragement to you.

 

I think you are on your way and have a lot of insight into your issues. Being open with your wife is crucial. It will help you a lot that she's supportive. The only thing I will add is continue to be 100% honest with her. Most SOs will continue to be supportive until we are lied to that can hurt a lot more than you slipping up with pmo. I echo what is said above that you have to stop all pmo not just P. Let your wife be your only source of orgasm. Have sex or foreplay and if you can't O then once she's satisfied stop and try again another day. Don't use your hand at all during sex with her or alone. You need to retrain your body and mind that she is the source of your pleasure. That will be hard no doubt but it's worth it.

 

This is the worst! It's like your healthy, logical brain is in conflict with some primal force demanding more and more of a pleasurable thing.

Congrats on the marriage and being proactive about building a strong base for you and your SO moving forward. That's awesome!

I can say that now on day 91 of my own no PM streak, that your hopes of better sex and generally healthier attitude towards sex are not far fetched at all. These are some of the main benefits I've seen so far. Keep at it, through the frustration, anger, depression or insatiable longing. If you want the best marriage possible, you are heading down the right path.

and Smile; You Can Do It!

 

I so agree and if you never had an intimate relationship off pmo you have no clue what you are missing! Once you see you won't want the go back but you have to give it time and trust us that it's worth it!

 

Hi, wanted to share encouragement with you, buddy. I am in a similar position - not long married, been abstaining from PM for about two weeks. I'm already seeing a positive improvement in my performance.

Remember, our wives deserve our best

 

I'm so pleased for you. Similar experience here. Strengthens the resolve never to return to the porn-watching half-life.
Well done and keep going.

ANH