Just joining the group tonight!

Hi, I have 60 days tonight. I am a pretty serious Christian. I don't need to say too much about my porn addiction (PMO, I should say) because I have documented everything in my journal which is called "Furthest I've Ever Been" or something like that. I was addicted to PMO for 28 years. I didn't even know there were other men out there with this kind of addiction until December 31, 2017. I thought all guys were like me, who were serious believers but still caught in the devil's snare. What a source of spiritual dissonance for me! Looking at porn, but knowing God didn't want that. Finally I told God, I just can't do it. I can't stop fapping. And also Father God, I'm not even going to try. If you will help me, that will be the only way. But as of right now, I have to do the thing, like the Apostle Paul, that is the thing I do not want to do. After I was finished, God was like, get out your smart phone. He put into my you tube feed a video on NoFap. I was curious: what is this, some kind of new millienial lingo I've not yet learned? But I discovered this site, and your brain on porn, and armed with the knowledge, I was now ready to go on the longest streak I'd ever yet been on, which was 16 days. Before I barely cobbled together 5 days, only twice, over 28 years. Over 28 years, I would venture to say I'd barely put together 2 months of abstinance collecting random days here and there. On Jan. 16, on day 16 I had to be hospitalized for mania. The psychiatrist took me off of remeron, and I could not sleep, which was the very problem I was in there for. The fact of the matter was that after I had gone through the PMO withdrawals, on days 8-12, when I woke up on day 13, I was a new man. I was smarter, my voice dropped, I was unafraid of people, and I could really just think better. I had a new energy, which got to be so strong that I just didn't need to sleep. In the adjustment, I ended up going manic again, so I had to be hospitalized again. I relapsed in the hospital because I thought it would help me sleep. It didn't. When I got out, the chaser effect had me until Feb 6, 2018. On that day I started my current streak.

 

Prodigal it seems to me that God wants you to admit your powerlessness over your addiction and that only He can help you. If you can admit that to God, that you can’t do it, that is when He gets interested. After I told God I couldn’t do it but I knew He could, He started showing me the information. I read in an obsessive way about my pmo addiction. And also became willing to ruthlessly be abstinent on hard mode, and felt all of the pain of withdrawal. Any half measures will avail nothing.

 

Alright try it this way: tell God that you are powerless, and in no situation will you ever be able to control your pmo addiction on your own, and UNLESS HE steps in, then you will have to continue on the way things are, which He knows and You know that neither of you want. Then go back to whatever was happening, and allow your faith to take over. When it's time, let it happen on God's time for you to get abstinent. I was addicted for 28 years. I hate to use the word "magic" in conjunction with God in any way, BUT the "magic words" are: I am powerless against my addiction, but YOU FATHER GOD CAN SAVE ME. Then the next move is to wait on God. Can you wait on Him?

 

I believe that the only reason that God said not to test Him was because He was emphasizing the importance of the ten commandments. Ask God what is the difference between exercising faith and testing Him? I'm here to tell you that since He is God, and there is nothing He can't handle, probably the only difference is in your own mind, and inhibitions toward building stronger faith. There is in fact, no other way to build stronger faith other than to take God to the limits of what He will do. Trust me, if you want to accomplish something, and you ask God if you can do it, if He wants it, then you'll do it. Never forget: Jesus said if someone so interests you for one mile, go also the second mile. Why not go the second mile with God?