Just can't stop edging

Don't give up man, you made the right choice coming here to talk about it.

Is there any way that you're able to take your computer and do work at a library or cafe or something? Anywhere in public view?

 

I know this drill well - it's my situation also.

Personally, I have come up with a few things that help:
1. Put blocks on all my devices even though it limits some work functionality.
2. When tempted:
a. Come to these forums,
b. Phone someone - anyone,
c. Do something away from the machine for a while.

I don't know about you, but I often wrestle with (2) pretty mightily. I tell myself I don't have time; I have work to do! So I have to remind myself of how much time I will truly waste if I use porn substitutes and edge. When I remember to do this, it helps.

For what it's worth and keep at it!

 

When I feel sudden urges and I cannot limit myself to anything or I can't do anything, I think about the procreation process involving my parents that formed me. That turns off the urges every single time.

 

Why edging and not PMO?

 

I'm not sure about what you mean by "edging". I believe the definition of edging is to repeatedly stimulate yourself without reaching orgasm.. either by touching yourself or with audio-visual stimulation, maybe pushing it one could "edge" using just imagination without actual contact but I find it as a bit of a stretched definition in that way.

Said that... I would consider any of the above as a relapse, and if you're doing any of that it you're really not recovering in my opinion. In order for a recovery process to work you need to abstain from porn and substitutes (sexting, erotic books, suggestive images... whatever gets your dopamine running basically) and of course from masturbation as well.

In the past I've found myself on a slippery slope even just with the use of my imagination, indulging in sexual thoughts is almost as bad as watching porn to me. It's not like one can have 100% control over it, but I would be careful with imagination as well. I draw the line with dreams, they are out of my control so whatever happens there..... stays there.

 

You can stop edging you just have to put your mind to it. For whatever reason your motivation is not there. Why are you doing NoFap? Focus on your goal and your reasons. You have to develop your own coping skills replace the unhealthy habit with a healthy one. When you feel the urge do 25 jumpinj jacks or put a rubber band on your wrist and snap it so your body associates those urges with pain. Most cravings for anything only last 30 seconds so redirect your attention. Ask to take on more work so you don’t have down time. Leave your office door open and/or arrange your computer so that both your hands and body and screen are visible to your coworkers. At home develop a coping tv show make sure it’s not sexual like a show you recall watching as a little kid. Watch an episode . Do crossword puzzles, or play video games. I grew up in a one horse town but trust me there are always things to do. Everytown has a hospital and a church. Volunteer there.

 

If you make a decision or a commitment to NO_PMO it's more focusing on your goal than battling against something.

Not easy to comprehend. You have a live camera on your desk? If not, maybe this could help.

Very good comment. Changing the habit.

 

First, you need to reset your counter to zero. Then your new streak will have meaning i.e. relapse-free.
Secondly, recognise that edging is the most destructive thing you can do to your dopamine receptors.
Thirdly, set and maintain strict boundaries about unacceptable habits/behaviours to maximise your progress.
Fourthly, educate yourself about edging etc: https://yourbrainonporn.com/what-if-i-use-porn-without-orgasm

 

There's a lot of tough, hard honesty in this thread. And it's really eye opening. Everyone is right in that there can be no half-in, half-out in this change. It's either all or nothing. Any compromise is a lie to ourselves and it undermines all progress we've made.

But as for your personal situation @BranDonewithPorn4ever, that's a really rough situation be out in a small town. But making sure your not isolated and in a room by yourself with a computer is key. Find a coffee shop. There has to be one within a half hour of you, yeah? Drive there, regardless of the distance, to do your work. Think of it as a commute. You may even meet some other people there and form connections with new people. What better way is there to reward yourself for your progress than to possibly meet someone and form a new relationship directly because of your commitment for abstaining from PMO? A big part of this fight is to work at forming new connections and positive associations with things that we didn't have before. When we do that, our struggle gains a more physical and recognizable representation to remind us of what's at stake.
PMO wins when we are isolated. Don't isolate. At all costs

 

Oh do I hear this! For me sexual thoughts are a very seductive gate into p (and / or psub) mo. Everything often gets fuzzy and dreamy as a fantasize. Real life seems increasingly far removed. Which means it's 'okay' to look at 'one image' or to spend a 'little time' edging. And we all know where this leads...

I know it's not like this for everyone, but for me the addiction is a multi-pieced patchwork with every swatch leading - in one way or another - to acting out. So while I am very happy to be working on no pmo here, in the back of my mind I know that fantasy (fpmo?) is a big piece of the puzzle.

 

This is great guidance and something I do in my own work / life / recovery. It's a pain in the ass sometimes to pack up and walk twenty minutes to my coffee shop of choice, but some days this is essential if I am going to stay sober. Being alone it's too easy to drift into - and believe - addictive logic (You know: 'Oh one look won't hurt...'). Being in public not so much.

 

You know Tryingto, I haven't been nearly willing enough to do this. It's so true. I don't have any trouble controlling myself when I am out and about. I think the last part of what you said about removing yourself from a situation in which the addictive logic is believable is super important. I gotta get my ass out more.

 

One additional thing I'll say on this, The_Box, is how I sometimes actually use going to a coffee shop as an opportunity to loosen old beliefs that contribute to my acting out. This is taking my addictive logic piece a step or two further.

As a recovering addict (and abuse survivor, to be honest), I very easily think of myself as a worthless piece of crap who has no right to needs and care. When I pack up and walk to the cafe in order to not edge, I try to reflect that I am actually taking care of myself here. I am actually connecting with myself, noting what I find and acting appropriately.

I obviously do not know if this applies to you, but for me this shift / acknowledgement has had profound impacts. It actually helped me begin posting here - I need / want to share with others, there is a sense of personal care in doing so. (It's affecting even typing this!)

 

When you get the urge, watch this:

 

I was in the same situation as you, brother, like countless more on and off the forums. What I believed is that ejaculation was ruining me physically and from there everything went downhill, so if I just don't finish that often, all will be well. Of course we all know what too much of anything means but that way I fooled myself edging (to porn) is not as harmful as the whole PMO cycle. There is an abundance of data and now we know from personal experience that edging to P is way worse that just whacking off to a video or picture.

However, I believe in the proper context, like if one is suffering from premature ejaculation (due to porn or not), after a serious reboot and maybe only if one is in a physical relationship, edging practices can be very helpful (when not combined with porn or any other artificial arousal method). It is well known that Taoist, Tantric and other practices involve masturbation, specifically without ejaculation and there are methods to bring this to a whole new level - physically, mentally, emotionally.

That said, most of us here are clearly recovering addicts, so any masturbatory practice can and probably will lead us to a relapse like many have warned before. And it's clear our battle now is with the dopamine habits we've created and not that much with sexuality itself. So take serious caution when exploring any of that and of course, forget about P altogether. Still, one of the goals of NoFap as I see it is to recover, at least to some extent, our normal sexual energies.

P.S. BranDonewithPorn4ever, what is imperative now is not to despair, but learn from your mistakes and go on with renewed motivation. When I relapse I usually try to seize the opportunity to become even more aware how addicted I am and to see clearly how I don't have control over my own actions which is weird and let's face it sad. But it's no reason for depression - it's a wake up call!

 

Yo Tryingto,

I think for me, I a definitely way too hard on myself most of the time. Thus PMO becomes a way to "relax". Also, there are times when I absolutely don't want to connect with myself, so I use PMO to cope. I think the thing that has been helpful for me is right there in what you said: moving to taking care of myself. I'm not PUNISHING myself by doing. And I shouldn't be punishing myself in some other area to drive me to PMO.