Journey to the Unknown (pt 2)....Married & Alone

Discussion in 'Significant Other Journals' started by Kenzi, Nov 4, 2018.

  1. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    36) 2



    In recovery news -
    Chugging right along now and I think we might *** actually be connecting!!
    :eek::eek:
    Crazy!
    Rock_Star is doing his IA work and actually talking to me during the day somewhat.
    Tomorrow is his day off... I just hope I'm not ignored all day long like normal.


    In healing BT -
    Small exercises today on taking out the "Blame Game"
    Cool.
    I'll try that.
    I also decided to Brave :oops: my old lingerie drawer and see what still fit as it's one of Rock_Stars 12 Simple Sex Requests and I'm not sure when it'll get chosen...
    He didn't used to like me dressed up, but I used to Love it and he smoldered it away with his old habits...
    This was a whole thing that happened along the way where he told me and made me feel ugly.
    Now, I guess he's thinking about it??
    And it was all the fog....
    And he's sorry....
    Well, I just don't know.
    We will see.....
    I tried it on anyways....
    Buuuuutttt I have some follow up questions, I think.


    In kid news -
    Waiting.
    Not leaving yet.... But waiting.
    Sometimes it's better to wait than just jump.
    I'm a little bit nervous....
    Appears alright, so I'm being positive and going about as normal.

    In home news -
    Getting ready to check things on my list twice and maybe get some wrapping done? o_O
    Once I pay a bunch of bills.
    Yay. (killjoy) :rolleyes:
     
  2. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    Day 37) 1

    In recovery news -
    We woke up poorly and Rock Star started to blame me for the kids and the dogs... I EXPLODED in anger, screaming like a tea pot!
    I yelled out simple sentences of all my worries and it's Not My Fault
    He just listened and then hugged me and said sorry for adding the stress.
    Told me he was going to finish the kids up this morning and let me drink the rest of my coffee, finishing my sobs in the bedroom.
    I have never felt so relieved after a fight.
    He let me vent and he apologized.... He embraced me and I get to calm down after he worked me up....
    I almost don't know what happened.
    I'm just sitting here writing this...
    Rock_Star.... Righted his wrong! :eek:
     
  3. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    38)1


    In recovery news -

    My Empathy Challenge!!!!

    I challenged Rock_Star to, for a day! Do all the things I do, to make my 'female self' look and seem presentable!

    Dun, dun, duhhh!!!

    This Includes, but not limited to... My (his for the day) make up, shave my (he will shave his) legs, tweezer, pluck, lotion, scrub, wax, dye, primp, press, dress and paint all the things on Me... Except ON Him!
    To APPRECIATE how Much I Actually Do to walk around looking like I fuckin do, day In and out!
    Because... Because... I don't think he has a clue....
    How much... Thhhhiiiisss TAKES!!

    .... He Accepted.

    :)
     
    Last edited: Dec 6, 2018
  4. OMG that is amazing! I actually tried to see if Jak would shave his legs once and he was like hell no lol I hope that Rock Star appreciates what you do (even more) after this
     
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  5. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    If love is blind...
    Why do we have to be pretty all the time?

    I'm going to make a list of everything I do in my "beauty routine"...
    (Obviously I don't do it all in a day)
    But for the sake of the experience, he will.
    One day... See, or try to...
    everything I go through.....
    Because I don't just *Poof* like this...
    And for him to devalue me by looking at other women EVER....
    Just shows he doesn't care about all the little attention to detail that I care to put into my own appearance....

    We will do this his next day off. o_O

    Welcome to the wonderful world of being a girl, Rock Star! :cool::D
     
  6. Omg yes right!
     
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  7. GSW9

    GSW9 Fapstronaut

    Because today's world has been programmed to focus on external beauty instead of inner beauty!!
     
  8. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    39)1

    In healing BT -
    The last couple of days have been focused on things we have tried but that have failed, in my homework.
    Alot.
    It's showing me how creativity and anger and persistence won't change the distance.
    It sucks.
    My love will always be unrequited and I wonder what the point of this is...

    In kid news -
    I feel we are reaching a dire decision.

    In home news-
    Going out with family today.... Getting some stuff done and paying bills.
    I like when I can feel like I can take care of everyone and everything seemlessly
     
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  9. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    40)1

    Today.... I spent alot of time working and fighting with kids and dogs and trying to be sane.
    Didn't get alot done but I talked to lots of family.
     
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  10. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    41)1


    In recovery news -
    We had a fight ish thing yesterday and we worked it out and Rock_Star apologized.
    He wasn't listening to my examples of how I tend to show up for him and he discarded me, both yesterday, when we both ask each other for help.
    We both responded to each other very differently.
    It's exhausting.
    He also tends to take my feelings as "blaming" and I never am allowed to experience anything negative.
    The blaming feeling he experiences is always turned around and used to blame me as a projection.
    I won't allow this anymore.

    In healing BT -
    I put my foot down after a hour.
    I also re-engaged at why I am hurt and how these things can be difficult to swallow and I don't appreciate him starting to gaslight (he backed off immediately) these things can be hard.
    He hugged me after and we were able to continue the night however.
    We... May.... Be getting better at fighting.
    Or.... Resolving......

    In kid news...
    Just trying to enjoy a lazy Sunday

    In home news -
    Helping Rock_Star gather some stuff today for work.
    And during our fight last night I lost EVERYTHING for my own work... Ugh.
    Like.... Everything.
    Tons of writing and gathered materials... Ughhhh.....!!
    So today I won't be journaling again and I'm trying to get that stuff together.
    FML.
    Work priorities.
    Kill joy.
     
  11. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    42) 1


    In recovery news -
    We have been following along the books and using them as guides to try to restructure parts of the wasteland that is the rebuild of this nuclear marriage...
    We can see the rebuild... But it's rough still.... Sort of 'mad max' comic stuff style.


    In healing BT -
    I was told to send Rock Star this message I sent my sponsor - - -
    I think the difference between you and me... Is RS I still flicker for... Like a light that hasn't gone out yet all the way??
    Like... I'm still waiting for the power to come back on..
    It's out.. The lights... Most of the time... But then it'll flicker and I'm like "epp, epp!! See!! Light... Nope"
    But right now I know the light might still come back on. It's why I don't kiss him much. I need power to the light. Until the light is on, I can't connect. Pretty much the light is almost always off. So we don't connect on my side. Until I know it's never coming back on, I really don't want to get divorced.


    We discussed it. Still discussing it.

    In kid news -
    My daughter came home talking about Jesus.... And Christians... And Christmas.
    So we talked about Kwanzaa and the Maccabees and Hanukkah and Winter Solstice and Yule and how some religions like Islam don't celebrate.
    Whatever she chooses...
    She's allowed to celebrate.
    I have one Christian daughter and one atheist.
    My son is agnostic and one believes in glitter college.
    She is totally okay to believe whatever she wants. Druid or Christian or Buddhist, it makes no difference to me.
    In this home, she will be loved and respected.
    It took her a minute... I think she's OK.

    In home news -
    So far so good for a day off for Rock Star... Tomorrow is Empathy Challenge!!! :eek:I'm waiting for him to throw a fit and quit. o_OWe played a game today and it was good "what can you say during a job interview that you can also apply to say in the bedroom?" it was pretty funny. :p
     
  12. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    Things my husband has said while shaving during the Empathy Challenge ...

    This is fine

    I like the shaved look

    Is this going by guesswork or is there a grid pattern you follow?

    Whoever started the shaved look should die

    The knee is impossible!!!

    I need a tan if I'm going this hairless

    How do you do toes? Do women do toes??

    I want you hairy from now on.
    Shaving is ridiculous.
     
  13. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    Other things he has said while shaving during the Empathy Challenge -

    Shaving takes sooooo long!

    I want all hairy children.
    Their is no need to torture our daughters by teaching them to shave.

    Why do women do this... It takes Forever!!

    I never want to be a girl.

    I'm going to be extra gross and manly tomorrow. Just so you know.

    No person in their right mind would do this to themselves.

    If every woman in the world just Stopped doing this... Men wouldn't have a choice but to adjust, now would they?
     
  14. Love his reactions. . Jak and I might do a freaky Friday where he is me for a day with looks and responsibilities and I am him with looks and responsibilities... I think the empathy thing should be done for every couple just for fun and to help get into your partners perspective
     
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  15. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    44)1


    In recovery news -
    No disconnect so far from being so connected yesterday.... We both feel like we are waiting for the other shoe to drop.


    In healing BT -
    I don't think I've ever felt so connected to anyone, as knowing that person has felt exactly what I go through in a day.
    It's invigorating.
    Even if it was temporary.
    And Rock_Star must have felt it too...
    I've never seen so much desire from him.
    It.... Was.... Fantastic.

    I'm kind of edgey tho..... It never lasts.
    I can feel the boil just because I know he can never hold his feelings for me.

    In kid news -
    Watched SMALLFOOT with the kids.
    So cute!
    They really liked it.

    In home news -
    Rock_Star made dinner last night and we wrapped most of the presents.
    My parents sent gifts from Sweden and they finally arrived so we figured yesterday was as good as any day to finish up Xmas stuff around the house.
    It was a great time!

    Today.... I'm back to work.
    Lots to do! :)
     
  16. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    45)1

    In recovery news -
    Both of us are trying to work hard...
    Today Rock_Star works extra long... I will see if this impacts his "tired"

    In healing BT -
    I'm still feeling sort of down.
    Hoping today turns around.

    In kid news -
    Connected with family...
    Still trying to find resolution to answers about our dire situation.
    Just because we are leaning one way doesn't mean our mind is made up.
    We still have lots to think about.
     

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