Journey starts again

25th will be day one again. I didn't even enjoy it, I ejaculated but like in the past few years I felt no pleasure. It was like squirting water. I hope next time I'll remember the orgasmless ejaculation. This is weird. Btw I feel burned out, so my adrenals get taxed every time I orgasm. Wonder if I should mention that to my endo?

 

OK so day 1 starts.
Must remind myself I have anorgasmic ejaculations, so it's useless to wank. I also still feel the flatline from my last streak. My NoFap is an attempt at EtM transitioning (effeminate to masculine) in order to feel like myself again but now as a grown up man. I have a body I don't feel is mine, feels restrictive and I'm certain wanking is to blame for stopping my puberty and making me fail at sports. :/

Need to stop feminizing myself with depletion of androgen receptors and upregulation of estrogen ones that climaxing causes. I think MO delayed my puberty and put me in an asexual limbo. I definitely prefer the NoFap manly feeling, I'm now 100% sure I wouldn't like being female as I hate feeling so unsure, fragile, emotional, and eager to please. And I enjoy guy things more naturally, while wanking makes it impossible to enjoy anything. Females avoid, ignore or dislike me when in my wanker state, so despite what they write online and say, they want a strong, confident man. Look at their actions, not their words!

I prefer the decisiveness, optimism and can do attitude and confidence NoFap gives me. It's really like coming back to life after a 16 y/o coma. Yes, my wank years feel like a nightmare or a coma, not truly lived. I'll try rereading this post daily.

 

I don't think masturbation stopped your puberty. It's just the way you grew up, some have lower voices than others, some are taller etc. PMO sounds like it has caused you problems though, so I wish you luck on your challenge!

 

Well wanking taxed my adrenals and my theory is they produce less DHEA, which leads to less testosterone, hence my levels in the 400s like a 50 yo guy. I'm getting my results in March.

 

Not sure if I should restart counting? Last night I had to go to the toilet and was feeling lonely so I took my phone and went on Tinder to check out if I'll get matches. Well I didn't get hard (flatline) but let's say most of the girls in the country I'm moving to have nice looking breasts and they're not afraid to capitalize on that. I couldn't take my eyes off them. So I went back to sleep and some hours later I got up from climaxing to a wet dream.

It's strange but wet dreams do not make me feel as wasted as MO. I don't know why but I hope real sex with a woman would feel more like a wet dream as the O are wonderful. I get no pleasure when Oing by M so I will continue NoFap. Btw my first NoFap streak at 25 was when I first experienced wet dreams. Before that I didn't get them as I did PMO daily. This one was more natural thought, no nasty porn-induced dream, I think I was just talking to a beautiful girl and felt love between us two.