Journal

Discussion in 'Uncategorized Reboot Logs' started by Tom30, Nov 10, 2018.

  1. Tom30

    Tom30 Fapstronaut

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    So i read that keeping a journal is a good idea and apparently its ok to do it here so here goes...

    Day 6.
    Halfway through reading the ybop book. Love the scientific approach combined with real guys own experiences.

    Been feeling exhausted the last few days, not sure if this is nofap related or what but hoping it passes soon. The last 2 days ive had to sleep for a few hours after getting in from work then also sleeping 8+ hours at night. On the bright side woke up yday morning with a boner, first time in i dont know how long.

    Also managed to go out today to get a few things for the house and proper food for the week, been too reliant on junk food lately. Havent done a full grocery shop for months, going to the supermarket felt unsurmontable, so cautiously optimistic social anxiety might be lessening slightly.

    Spent all day alone as SO was busy but did not pmo which is good.

    Also deleted porn on phone and photovault app for privately storing images. Should have done sooner but had forgotten it was there.
     
  2. Tom30

    Tom30 Fapstronaut

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    Day 7

    Had a dream last night i was in a relationship with a man who went off to war, when he came home and we were alone i undressed him. No actual sex in the dream - or if there was i dont remember - but it was very erotically charged.
    Woke up with morning wood.
    Alone at home this morning but not experiencing any significant cravings. Visiting family for lunch this afternoon and spending evening with SO, not times i would pmo anyway so today should be in the bag.
    Still feeling tired and low level headache that comes and goes. Hopefully this lifts soon.
     
  3. Tom30

    Tom30 Fapstronaut

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    Day 7 upate.

    Technically Day 8 as its after midnight. Updating now as tomorrow is so busy i wont have time.

    Decided to try cold shower earlier after reading about all the benefits. Honestly could barely catch my breath during it and afterwards i felt shakey and weak but that passed. Will give it a few more attempts and see how i get on. Didnt feel as exhausted this evening so maybe it helped.

    Dinner with family. Evening at home with SO.

    Meals prepped for tomorrow which is good, actually prepared lunch for once. Work until 5 tomorrow then study in evening at local library until 9 or 10. Shouldnt present any difficulties in avoiding pmo. Busy few days ahead, will update again when possible.
     
  4. Tom30

    Tom30 Fapstronaut

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    Day 8

    So today did not go as planned.

    Had a meeting this morning and usually would be struggling to stay alert and stop my eyes closing but today that did not happen which made me hopeful that I was getting my energy back. However, was able to leave work at lunch so decided to go home, change, eat and gead to library to study and work on essay for upcoming deadline. After eating, the familiar exhaustion hit me like a sledgehammer. Closed my eyes and ended up sleeping for hours. Still feel tired now.

    Trying to study from home but difficulty getting motivated. Should go to library but feel so tired im not even sure about driving. This evening will be challenging; home alone with laptop on (for studying). This is when i would usually log on to the chat room, trawl tumblr or go on the cam site. SO out for dinner with a friend.
    Plan of action is: Try and focus on work. Keep nofap forum open on phone to stay motivated. Eat dinner. Shower.
    This is really the first significant test of motivation and endurance.
     
  5. Tom30

    Tom30 Fapstronaut

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    Day 8

    Technically into Day 9 as its after 2am.

    Good and very busy day. Ok day in work and great progress made on work for upcoming deadline, worked on it most of the evening. Hung out with some friends and had dinner with them, very chilled out.

    Definitely noticing more of an attraction to 'normal' guys, its nice but really not dwelling on it.

    Laptop has packed in. Annoying as means i cant work from home but also a blessing as seriously cuts the possibility of relapsing back onto chat rooms as they dont work that well on phone. Tumblr and cam site still possible on phone though. Had a bit of a craving earlier but was in public anyway so no chance of acting on it thankfully.

    Not as tired today. Not going to get a lot of sleep though so tomorrow may be another story. Feeling a bit 'free-er' though.
     
  6. Tom30

    Tom30 Fapstronaut

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    Day 9

    Another busy day. Meetings this morning and even though I only got 5 hours sleep I kept fairly alert. Work to 5 then worked on report all evening. Dinner with a colleague.

    Not sure if had mw or not this morning but not too worried either way. No cravings and was out all day anyway. Off tomorrow and will be home alone in afternoon but feeling good about continuing to abstain.

    Havent been doing cold showers as been showering at night and cant face being so cold lol. Will try it again at weekend.
     
  7. Tom30

    Tom30 Fapstronaut

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    Day 10

    Had very strange sex dream last night about some otherwordly being/angel with wings, silver skin and a giant cock. No idea where my brain came up with that but definitely a sign that abstaining from pmo is having some kind of effect.

    Woke up with mw and was hard on and off for about an hour after waking up.

    Off today. Been fairly productive around the house. Popping into the office for an hour later.
     
  8. Tom30

    Tom30 Fapstronaut

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    Day 11

    Another good day.

    Strange dreams last night. Not sexual though. Mw this morning.

    Work in the morning but took a half day. Was exhausted again today but think its ok as been pretty busy this week in work and socially. Hopefully more normal week next week. Slept in the afternoon then out for theatre and dinner.

    Minor cravings this afternoon but nothing too difficult.

    After taking advice from other forum users i took the plunge and deleted cam site and tumblr profiles. Was concerned there might have been tips left on the cam site profile but there wasnt. Didnt look at cams just went in, deleted and closed.
     
  9. Tom30

    Tom30 Fapstronaut

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    Day 12

    Again, strange dreams but not sexual.
    Mw present this morning.

    Alone at home during most of day. No substantial cravings.

    Out for dinner and drinks in evening, not ling home. Looking forward to a lazy day tomorrow with SO.
     
  10. Tom30

    Tom30 Fapstronaut

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    Day 14.

    Busy weekend which was good for keeping away from pmo.
    Mw this morning.
    Busy day in work. Not feeling particularly tired today but have a banging headache from sitting in horrible work chairs and hunching at computer.
    Chilled out evening planned. Make some food, watch tv, unwind. Alone for an hour or two and would usually pmo in this time, experiencing some cravings but not too bad.
     
  11. Tom30

    Tom30 Fapstronaut

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    Day 15

    Mw present this morning and then again after i fell asleep on sofa for an hour this evening.

    Concentration is definitely better, another god awful meeting this morning and though i zoned out a few times i wasnt struggling to stay awake. Conversely im also still more tired than usual but not as bad as last week.

    Headaches the last 2 days but possibly more related to poor posture and not enough hydration.

    Cravings today but thankfully SO was home early from work so wasnt alone to give in. Finding myself triggered by things like aftershave ads and partial nudity on tv shows and even some news articles this evening, but will just have to ride it out.
     
  12. Tom30

    Tom30 Fapstronaut

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    Day 17

    No mw this morning but got a boner after being awake for about 20mins. No headaches today or yesterday.

    Minor cravings nothing significant. Every time i open my broswer i still automatically go to type the address of the chat room but catch myself on after a few letters.
     
  13. Tom30

    Tom30 Fapstronaut

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    Day 18

    Woke early this morning because i was so horny. Mw lasted over an hour. Was fantasising about men i know that im attracted to. But i resisted the urge to wank.

    Work this morning but was off this afternoon. Kept busy in the house. Was concerned about relapsing after being so horny in the morning but thankfully it wasnt too difficult.
     
  14. Tom30

    Tom30 Fapstronaut

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    Day 20

    Really busy weekend catching up with everyone. Mw present yday but not today - though woke up freezing so that mightve put a damper on things. On bright side been too occupied with having catch ups with people to be thinking about any of my old habits.
     
  15. Tom30

    Tom30 Fapstronaut

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    Day 21

    The three week mark. I quite enjoy that my weeks of abstainence begin/end on a monday. Makes it a nicer day. Had so much on over the weekend i only got updating briefly yesterday.

    On Friday i struggled with cravings but ended up reading a whole book on Friday evening in time id otherwise have been using for pmo.

    Saturday and sunday i was driving all over seeing friends and family.

    No mw again this morning but was randomly kinda horny around mid day which is unusual so thats good.

    Quite tired after a busy weekend, so came home, had shower, got everything ready for tomorrow, ate dinner and watched tv with SO and im writing this while lying in bed having an early night.

    Signed up for a running challenge to motivate myself back into the habit.
     
  16. Tom30

    Tom30 Fapstronaut

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    Day 25

    Been relying less on the nofap forums.
    Morning wood has been more erratic this week but usually getting a bit horny soon after waking.

    Fantasised a bit the other day but about a real person, not porn or chatroom related. Feel like my libido is returning - the desire to have real sex is there - but my body hasnt quite caught up. Hoping this doesnt take long as i 'feel' horny even though im not getting hard very often. Quite dangerous as tempting to relapse just for relief. Im quite sure id be harder than ever the second i logged into the chatroom. So far ive dealt with it ok.

    Ive signed up for a running challenge so intending to try and get back to the gym this weekend for the first time in over a year.

    Dreading being hit with a flatline but will just have to cope with it if/when it happens.
     
  17. Tom30

    Tom30 Fapstronaut

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    Day 27

    Out drinking last night. Home in early hours of morning.
    Used to go log onto the chatroom or cam site if i came home drunk but honestly never even considered it.
    Slept late and just been nursing a hangover at home all day. SO has gone out for the evening. Usually this would be prime chatroom time but not craving it at all, the thought of it is actually really off putting right now.
    Did fantasise a bit earlier but about a real person and didnt mo. Definitely think my sexual preferences are sort of 'stabilising' getting turned on by the idea of ordinary vanilla sex and look back on my old fetishes and cant believe how stupid i was being. That doesnt mean im out of the woods, not sure that this is the kind of thing that ever fully heals or goes away.
     

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