Journal

Discussion in 'Uncategorized Reboot Logs' started by eu7888, Jul 25, 2018.

  1. eu7888

    eu7888 Fapstronaut

    I'm creating this journal as a way to implement some way of accountability in my fight against PMO.
    The idea of this journal will be to have a report everyday, noting about the struggles of the day, and preparation for the next day.

    Who
    I'm male and have been trying to quit PMO for years. My best streak was last year, when I got 6 months P free, followed by 45 days PMO free.
    For personal reasons, I choose to go Monk Mode.

    Why
    It's all about the road to doing great things to the World, which necessarily passes through me being in my top form.

    My method
    I've noticed that I'm very serious and consistent about respecting social rules and agreements with other people, and also careful about not damaging other people's things, so I will use this trait to fight PMO. My ideia is to use a Contract Mindset, in which I see my body as something that is lended to me to use for a day, but I must not damage it (and PMO damages it). (now comes my ideology, in which I deeply believe, so please ignore it if you disagree) It's lended to me by society, which is structured in a way that the privileges of few are sustained by many, so, if I have the privilege of doing amazingly powerful things with this body, it's because others are suffering to make it possible. Conscious of that, I'm obligated to use the body as a mean to change this unfair society, hence paying the tribute to those who make my privileges possible. And this journal is where I will account to society about this specific kind of damage, PMO damage.

    My rules:
    - Daily reports. I will take every day as new contract, so I don't lower the guard as the streak grows; and recover fast if I relapse.
    - Punishments. Contract violations must be punished. This is something that I never tried before, but I'm suspecting it's important as a way to remember that the rules are still valid. I still need to come up with better punishments (they must be really annoying, but fast and harmless, so they don't disturb my activities).
    .Relapse: take a 10 floor staircase; and write a 250 word report explaining why I relapsed, and apologizing.
    .Relapse 2 times in the same day: run 5km (I exercise every day, but I hate running); and write a 500 word report.
    .Relapse 2 days in a row: Donate 50 bucks to a political party that I hate (severe punishment); and write a 1000 word report.​
    Ideas for punishments: walk around the block; cold shower; wear uncomfortable clothes (shirtless in winter, and heavy jacket in summer); use a bad hairstyle (or clothes) for a day; ice (hand in a bucket).
    - What I will consider a relapse:
    Voluntary P or M or O.
    Also, voluntary access to hot girls social media, because it's how my relapses on long streaks usually begins.​

    My goals (to be updated as milestones are achieved)
    -30 days PMO free. I think this is a good starting point, because I have been there a few times in the past, but not in the last months.

    English is not my native language, so mistakes are expected to be present in the text.
     
    Last edited: Jul 28, 2018
    Rexy01 likes this.
  2. eu7888

    eu7888 Fapstronaut

    2

    No damages today. Easy day. I expect the first 5 days to be easy, because they always are when I commit for long streaks.
     
  3. eu7888

    eu7888 Fapstronaut

    3

    Easy day. Some sexual thoughts, but easily and firmly dismissed.
    Today I thought that it will be important to remember from time to time about the punishments, or they will become an abstract memory.
    I expect an easy day tomorrow too.
     
  4. eu7888

    eu7888 Fapstronaut

    4

    Easy day, even though I was lonely for mos of the day, what is not usual, and is usually a moment of propensity to PMO. Some sexual thoughts along the day, but I managed to keep focused on my work, so they didn't turn into strong urges.
    I expect tomorrow to be bumpier, because my activities on Saturday leave a lot more space for my mind to wander.
     
  5. eu7888

    eu7888 Fapstronaut

    5

    Easy day. As I prevented yesterday, the sexual thoughts had more room to act, due to the nature os my work today. Tomorrow I think the space will be more tight. So, something I need to do is to restructure me work on weekends, so my attention is more under control.

    I will add ice as something useful for punishments. Putting the hand on an ice bucket seems good for that.

    This journal is definitely helping me keeping on track.
     
  6. eu7888

    eu7888 Fapstronaut

    6
    PB of the last 11 months, since I broke my all time PB streak of 45 days.

    Easy day. I'm managing to keep the possibility of a relapse miles away from my mind.

    The nature of the sexual thoughts are starting to chance. Now they are more about imagining my body in sexual situations with real people, instead of the abstract idea of sex that was symbolized by porn. I already noticed this kind of chance on other long streaks.
     
  7. eu7888

    eu7888 Fapstronaut

    7

    Interest in real women is growing.

    I'm still feeling strongly committed.
     
  8. Rexy01

    Rexy01 Fapstronaut

    9
    24
    3
    Goodluck !!
     
    eu7888 likes this.
  9. eu7888

    eu7888 Fapstronaut

    8

    Today I noticed my mind using this argumentation to convince me to relapse:
    "You're having an interest on one kind of woman that you never got interested before;
    You never watched much P with this kind of woman;
    So, you should go and search for it, because it's a shame that you don't know how different is sex with that kind of woman."​
    This kind of argumentation always hit me strongly, and I must say that it was the first time in this streak that I felt butterflies in my stomach due to, for 1 second, really considering to watch P.
    Even though, I think I'm still firm.
     
  10. eu7888

    eu7888 Fapstronaut

    9

    It's a good time to remember the punishments: if I violate the contract, I need to take a 10 floor staircase and write a 250 word report explaining why I did that.
    I want to keep strongly committed.
     
  11. eu7888

    eu7888 Fapstronaut

    10

    I think it's interesting to note some things about how my body is working now, in order to be able to compare when I reach a longer streak. So, one thing important to note is that today I had sexual thoughts all over the day. But they never reached a point where they were a real possibility of relapse.

    Those days have been really great, and I want to keep making it happen.
     
  12. eu7888

    eu7888 Fapstronaut

    11

    All the time I can feel the sexual drive on the background. It would be so good if I could direct this energy to the things I want, instead of having it directed to what my body wants.
     
  13. eu7888

    eu7888 Fapstronaut

    12

    Today my mind tried to use this trick on me:
    "OK, it's clear that you are doing better with PMO everyday, but you don't know if those good effects would be the same if you were doing PMO in low frequency, like once every 10 days. Actually, that would be the ideal frequency, because the pleasure would be grater, and the good effects of abstaining the other 10 days would be there. So, let's make a deal: instead of going full Monk Mode for 30 days, first do some tests with a lower frequency."​
    It did shake me a bit, but I answered a clear "NO!". My policy is zero tolerance to damages. I can't damage the body in order to get some sexual pleasure.
    Also, I had really annoying blue balls today, which, probably, was the result of the more space that my mind have to wander on Saturdays.
     
  14. eu7888

    eu7888 Fapstronaut

    13

    Last I had the first wet dream of this streak, and it was rather unusual. In the dream I had an orgasm with release, but I didn't wake up immediately, as usually happens, instead the dream followed with me trying to clean up myself, and only then I woke up, but I had no release at all in real life. It was clearly a dream orgasm but without any release in real life.

    Tomorrow I will tell the trick that my mind tried on me today.
     
  15. eu7888

    eu7888 Fapstronaut

    14

    Today, the sexual thoughts were much calmer than the previous day.

    So, this is the trick my mind tried on my yesterday:
    "I invented a new way to MO, why don't you try it?"​
    This one also made me relapse before, but not this time.
     
  16. eu7888

    eu7888 Fapstronaut

    15

    Calm day. Only one urge in the morning that grew a bit too much.

    Half the way to the first milestone. If I did the first half, then I can do the second.
     
  17. Solomon435

    Solomon435 Fapstronaut

    I like this journal, it's interesting to see how other people are doing their challenges and going with it.

    I've only started my first day myself, and I can tell from journals like these I'm making the right choice.

    Good luck on the rest of your challenge!
     
    eu7888 likes this.
  18. eu7888

    eu7888 Fapstronaut

    16

    Today I didn't do my work the usual way, but it also was very absorbing, so there was no room for urges to grow.
     
    Solomon435 likes this.
  19. eu7888

    eu7888 Fapstronaut

    17

    Something interesting that happened today was that the whole morning I didn't have a single sexual thought. It was the first time, in the last 17 days that it happened. The unusual thing that I did yesterday and today was working on a very absorbing project at work.
     
    Solomon435 likes this.
  20. Solomon435

    Solomon435 Fapstronaut

    Wish I had that kinda day. Good job!
     

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