June 10, 2017 I'm 21 and trying NoFap for the first time now. I've tried quitting porn in the past and I could do it for a week or so, but inevitably I'd be tempted while masturbating and pop open an incognito tab. "I won't look at any nudity," I would tell myself, "I'll just google 'cleavage' or 'bikini' and look around." But that was never enough and I would slide down that slippery slope to hardcore porn again and again. Anyways, now I'm at a point now where I'm getting my life in order. I'm being productive and creative and working toward my goals, but I know porn is holding me back and I need to cut it out now before it undermines everything else I'm working towards. And I'm realizing now that it's too hard for me to abstain from porn while still masturbating, so they both have to go. I'm a Christian. I was raised in a very conservative home and attended a Christian private school until 9th grade. My parents would never talk about sex or anything relating to it, and the sex ed at my school was more conservative propaganda than education. So when I got to high school, I didn't know any of these terms my new friends were talking about. Scared of the embarrassment that would come with being exposed as the sheltered Christian kid, I turned to the internet. It would search Wikipedia and read through sex-related articles. When those didn't have what I needed, I turned to urban dictionary and other "educational" sites. These gave me the answers I was looking for, but they weren't satisfying my growing sexual urges. I distinctly remember one of the urban dictionary entries for 'sex' was a short piece of erotic fiction that blew my mind. It described, in detail, what sex would (supposedly) be like. Just one story wasn't enough so I clicked around and found whole novels about sex that I could read online for free. I'd find myself reading these for hours when I got home from school. They would turn me on, but I'd never touch myself. "Masturbation was the sin," I told myself, and as long as I didn't act on any of the urges, I was fine. But then I'd want images to help visualize the stories and, to make a long story a little shorter, started looking at porn. I felt guilty about it, but the shame didn't stop me. I moved out in university and considered masturbation for the first time. I mean, I knew what it was, but now with no parents around and a lock on my door, it became an option. I prayed about it and wrestled with it and came to the conclusion that God gave us sexuality for a reason. I think there's a convincing argument that sex between two people should be saved for marriage, but depriving myself of release was both uncomfortable and unhealthy. And as long as I didn't let porn get into the equation, it wouldn't be a problem. So I tried quitting porn and starting masturbating and as you can imagine that didn't work out as I had hoped. I still believe that someone can live a healthy life with masturbation, and maybe one day I'll be able to get there. But I desperately need to get porn out of my life and I can't do that without cutting out masturbation too. At least, I haven't yet and I'm sick of failing again and again. It's time for a new strategy. I have a full time job for the summer and lots of creative projects and hobbies to keep me occupied, so I'm confident I can hit 90 days. I haven't jerked off in the past couple of days, so I already have a head start. I also have a loving girlfriend, so orgasms are still on the table (which is good because I get pretty bad blue balls if I go without for too long). I haven't told her about nofap yet. I haven't told her about most of this, actually. She's cool with the masturbation and she knows I've watched porn in the past, but I told her it's not a problem in my life anymore. It's a lie, but I want it to be true.