Journal of a 16 years old

Discussion in 'Under 20' started by Crunchy leaves, May 8, 2018.

  1. Crunchy leaves

    Crunchy leaves Fapstronaut

    ---EDIT---
    If you looking for some motivation on this journal, I recommend you to go to other journal instead, since I have a terrible problem with pessimistic thought, and I don't want other people to be demotivated by my journal. Thank you.
    ------------


    1. This is my first thread so hope that you guys will tolerate any mistake :)

    Till now, on this month, i have been pmo-ing for 6 times. This make myself feel gulity, despair, etc because i keep repeating the same mistakes over and over again. And yet, the whole main and side effects of pmo ready to ruin me if i keep resetting again (which is, unfortunately, have been happening on me). So...NO MORE FAILURE!!

    The title itself, on my opinion, feel too optimistic. But, one of my bad habit is always thinking pessimistic. So, i want to rid it along with my pmo addiction

    There are so many things that need to be fixed in my life since i have been succumbed to this addiction, 6 years ago, which is basically ruining my childhood and if i keep addicted, will ruin my teen life and even the rest of my life.

    So i have hope, along with this thread, that it will help me to face this addiction!

    ---edit---
    *I'm way too paranoid. Sorry.

    --edit--
    I'm trying to change this journal into more organized place though, thank you for reading this journal :)
     
    Last edited: Nov 11, 2018 at 1:06 AM
  2. Crunchy leaves

    Crunchy leaves Fapstronaut

    Btw, i'm 15 years old boy, living on non-english speaking country. Sorry if i using wrong tense and grammar. And, if you guys have time to correcting my english, i'll be very happy :)
     
    mateusjack, Infernape.EX and pitme like this.
  3. Crunchy leaves

    Crunchy leaves Fapstronaut

    DAY 0 - NO MORE FAILURE!
    Reset, and tired of those same mistakes that i keep doing. That's why i created this journal.

    About the title, what i mean is that i would never doing the same mistake that i could prevent. I know that failure will meet you wherever you are but the failure here is the mistake i made in my reboot process.

    Not doing so good on school, i still can't keep my focus when my teacher explain the subject -probably due to brain fog-, thus my grade are lower than i could. And i still wasting my time with procastinating + gaming...huff

    There is a lot of checklist i want to make since pmo really ruined everything but i'll try to keep it as low as i can.

    Try to make a habit for me to awake at 4 am though

    Socialize = 4/10
    Studying = 3/10
    Getting work done = 1/10
    Self improvement = 3/10
    Self improvement 2 = 5/10
    Exercise = 3/5
    Overall = 3/10

    Not a productive day due to reset...
     
    Infernape.EX likes this.
  4. Crunchy leaves

    Crunchy leaves Fapstronaut

    Day 1
    Still can't keep my focus when my teacher explain the subject :(. Is it the effect of pmo? How do i rid it then?

    I was really angry due to my sister but then, i realize something in a story that flashback-ing my life

    Basically, i addicted to M on really early age on my life, followed by P.

    What kind of people am i eh?

    Yet, wave of fortune keep hitting me, I get a great grade and school. However, I started to feel social anxieties last 3 years, which is increasing

    That is, the moment where I decided to myself, to not falling to the same mistake, to not dissapoint my parent, and to not letting what my family expect of me fall, to not become like the "rest", those who know that PMO ruining their life but don't want to change. *no offensive here

    Exercise 3/5
    Socialize 4/5
    Self Improvement 1/5
    Self improvemet II 2/5
    Studying 2/5
    Getting work done 1/10
    Overall 4/10

    Still, i can't study properly...i hope i can rid brain fog ASAP since next week i'll have final test for my 2nd semester

    Sorry for late upload, i was really tired last night
     
    Last edited: Sep 18, 2018
    Infernape.EX likes this.
  5. Crunchy leaves

    Crunchy leaves Fapstronaut

    ^^it's an oversimplified story version since i already forgot it for now : p, sorry if i provide a wrong interpretation
     
  6. Crunchy leaves

    Crunchy leaves Fapstronaut

    Day 2
    Holiday, really expect me to finish all school task but...you know, i'm ended up lying on my bed playing mobile's games for a whole day. Awaked at 9 AM, and taking a shower on 12 noon (AM/PM?). And even, till now I still make no progress to develop a healthy and productive habit...huft...

    Exercise : 3/5
    Socialize : 1/5
    Spiritual : 3.5/5
    Getting work done : 1/5
    Self improvement : 1/5
    Studying : 1/5
    Overall : 1.5/10

    What a terrible day, spending time with no result, not studying while i know that next week i'll have an end-term test.
     
    Last edited: Sep 18, 2018
    Infernape.EX likes this.
  7. Crunchy leaves

    Crunchy leaves Fapstronaut

    Gotta fix all the mistake that i have done!!
     
  8. Crunchy leaves

    Crunchy leaves Fapstronaut

    Day 3
    *edit+delete
    Darn it, this one is giving my personal location completely, and I'm unaware of it for 4 months.

    What can i say huh...it's just like this. I feel improvement on studying but my discipline to sleep really terrible since last day i'm just sleep for 4 hours :(. And now i write this on 11.45 pm :(. My next goal are setting my biological clock right again so every single part of my life's goal will be more easier to reach.

    Studying : 3/5
    Spiritual : 2/5
    Getting work done : 1/5
    Self improvement : 1.5/5
    Exercise : 3/5
    Socialize 3/5
    Overall : 4/10

    In my opinion this is my best day so far. Still, if i add sleep counter it will be decreased :(
     
    Last edited: Sep 10, 2018
  9. Crunchy leaves

    Crunchy leaves Fapstronaut

  10. Crunchy leaves

    Crunchy leaves Fapstronaut

    Day 4
    Today is a holiday, and same as before, i wasting all my time until 6 pm where i strengthen my mind to do task that left uncompleted. I just complete 2 task however :p, but still, i see this as an improvement on holiday since usually, i just lying on my bed doing unuseful activity.

    Any tips to increase your productivity and keeping your willpower to do task everyone?

    Exercise : 3.5/5
    Study : 2/5
    Getting work done : 2/5
    Self improvement : 2/5
    Socialize : 1.5/5
    Spiritual : 4/5
    Overall : 4/10

    I just sleeping for 5 hours :(, thus making me just sleeping on my bed from morning till evening, exhausted. I'm going to improve my sleeping hours now btw.
     
  11. Crunchy leaves

    Crunchy leaves Fapstronaut

    Day 5
    I'll having an exam soon, so i'll just wirte a little on this journal

    One thing i learn today, it is i who created urge. Simply enough, i don't really care about urge last 5 day and i got no urge till now where i think of it and start p-subs ing. Gonna stop it now!

    Exercise : 2.5/5
    Getting work done : 1.5/5
    Self improvement : 2/5
    Spiritual : 2/5
    Studying : 1.5/5
    Overall : 3/10

    Why i give low score? Because it's holiday, yet again i wasting my time...huft...
     
  12. Crunchy leaves

    Crunchy leaves Fapstronaut

    Day 6
    Taking down P-subs! But unfortunately i somehow losing control for not touching down there .-.. Anyway tomorrow is my exam and i have studying a lot until now. I hope i'm able to get great score!

    Exercise : 2.5/5
    Getting work done : 3.5/5
    Self improvement : 2/5
    Spiritual : 3/5
    Studying : 3.5/5
    Overall : 5/10

    Decent if i can say, i finish my task, doing daily exercise (not including running), studying a lot, but if i add sleep counter, again, the score will be ruined very much
     
  13. JLID10

    JLID10 Fapstronaut

    I think everyone has different things they do to help motivate themselves to be productive...I've discovered that meditation actually works really well for me. Although it seems weird at first, it helps me relax and it increases my focus. That's what I'd recommend, and if you've never done it before look up some techniques and how it can help you.
     
    Crunchy leaves likes this.
  14. Crunchy leaves

    Crunchy leaves Fapstronaut

    Uhh, i think i leave this journal a few days due to guilty feeling of relapse...sorry
     
  15. ImASinnerWhoJesusSaved

    ImASinnerWhoJesusSaved Fapstronaut

    752
    1,106
    123
  16. ImASinnerWhoJesusSaved

    ImASinnerWhoJesusSaved Fapstronaut

    752
    1,106
    123
    I just did that the last couple of weeks. All it got me to do was watch more porn and masturbate more often. It put me in a worse hole than before. Start afresh. Don't beat yourself up. We'll be only a few days apart and can continue on this path together.

    Christ will give you rest.
     
    Crunchy leaves likes this.
  17. Crunchy leaves

    Crunchy leaves Fapstronaut

    I think i'll continue this thread tomorrow since i really need to reset my sleep cycle...
     
  18. ImASinnerWhoJesusSaved

    ImASinnerWhoJesusSaved Fapstronaut

    752
    1,106
    123
    That's the spirit!
     
    Crunchy leaves likes this.
  19. Crunchy leaves

    Crunchy leaves Fapstronaut

    I'm really sorry for not filling this journal again :(. Anyway on overall my day is terrible, everything is under average of normal person on my neighborhood :(, got sleep time ruined out, don't even touch book since i left this journal, unable to tell any difference from movie and real life, couldn't socialize with people and losing sense of time, which is making me not appreciating every single time that i spend :(.
     
  20. Crunchy leaves

    Crunchy leaves Fapstronaut

    Day 6, Re-Starting
    I have made a decision to update this journal for this month at 19.30-21.00 so it won't destroy my sleep time or study time

    What a terrible day, just getting about 5 hours of sleep, can't answer the exam correctly even though that i have been given about 1 week of holiday before it.

    My school life probably ruined now though because of me unable to answer it correctly:(.

    Trying to fix every problem that i have, i still not make a list yet but soon i'l finish it since i need to study first.

    The bright side is, i try to follow the current on my socializing. Instead of locking myself inside my room or trying to evading any social contact i decided to try to joining it, and it's kinda succeed!

    Exercise : 1.5/5
    Getting work done : 1.5/5
    Self improvement : 1/5
    Socializing : 3/5
    Studying : 1/5
    Spiritual : 1.5/5
    Overall : 2/10

    P.s I don't think that i really can do all things that need to be improved till my deadline next month...
     

Share This Page