Sorry if this post is really long, I have a lot of thoughts in my head rn lol. I want to introduce myself before starting this journal. So basically I'm here because of the NoFap challenge (Lite mode) and I really need social support lol. I've been very isolated ever since I'd say eighth grade (now a senior in high school). Been through depression and social anxiety, and still struggling with my anxiety. Thankfully I'm utilizing a therapist for that. Longest I've gone is I think eight days for PMO and nine days on Lite mode. I'm going for Lite mode because I believe it's normal to masturbate, but I am going to try to shift my thoughts on what exactly I masturbate to. I've been REALLY unmotivated (demotivated?) this year. The best indicator of that is my 70 average in my AP English class. Also, my senior project is due in three days and I've done very little work on it. If you receive a failing grade on it, you can't graduate from high school that year. Normally I'm the typical 'A' student, but even though this semester's course load is relatively light for me, I'm performing way below par. Here are a few of the other things I'm struggling with and/or falling behind on: applying to division III colleges so I can play on their tennis team; applying to colleges per instruction from my online college counselor; playing tennis in general; waking up on time for school; playing too many videogames; social anxiety; asking out a girl who has showed definite interest in me that I also like. Do I think Lite mode will solve a lot of this for me? Heck yeah. A lot of my problems are related to low self-esteem, and although I felt some of this is attributed to living with my once overly strict parents, now I'm realizing that literally the only person holding myself back is me. I know for a fact the type of porn I watch really makes me lose confidence in myself. And you know, I used to be the type of kid who was never influenced by the environment I grew up in. Basically I never told myself BS excuses whenever I would be lazy. However, that's no longer the case. A lot of this is me relapsing from no longer being that incredibly isolated kid and wanting to simply be normal, but I know this 50%, half-assed version of myself needs to be done away with. Hopefully this amazing community will help me become the person I used to be. And now that I'm done with pouring out my thoughts in this intro, it's time for me to start actually writing my journal entries . Day 0: Alright, failed today. Basically stayed up until 4am, woke up at noon, stayed in bed playing videogames until 3, and did the deed at about 3pm. Need to work on a lot of things but I'm not motivated and I don't believe in myself.