Journal for R.K.

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by R.K., Sep 9, 2018.

  1. R.K.

    R.K. Fapstronaut

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    This is my 1st nofap journal, but I've been a nofap member for a while, and I'm 64. I reset my counter today, and I'm making a new commitment to being free from PMO. I'm a Christian, have been married for 40+ years, and have a great family.

    I love my wife, and she is wonderful, but being intimate and making love have always been difficult for her. Her dad (a doctor) molested her and her sisters, which created a very dysfunctional family and many hardships for all of them.

    My wife and I have seen many Christian counselors over the years, and we finally got to a point in recent years where she is willing to make love once a week or so. However, the 1st 30 years were mostly sex-less and I used PMO to meet my sexual drive, and she is aware of it.

    This is still a struggle for me, and I resort to soft-porn occasionally. I'm working to be completely free of PMO, and challenging myself to memorize and pray through scriptures. Phil 4:8 and 4:12 are my goto verses this week.
     
    Healed! and New Focus like this.
  2. R.K.

    R.K. Fapstronaut

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    Journal Update - I'm ontrack in general, but found this week to be a challenge to not gaze or glance at attractive women during the work week. I work in a large office building in a large city and I briefly see dozens of beautiful women every day. Sexual desire towards my wife is good, but sexual interest in other women is just a form of lust, and I have to remind myself that.

    So when tempted, I tell myself "don't look there, look somewhere else" and it helps - but it's still a challenge. Then I try to focus on helpful scripture, like Job 31:1-3, where Job says:
    “I have made a covenant with my eyes;
    how then could I gaze at a virgin?
    What would be my portion from God above
    and my heritage from the Almighty on high?
    Is not calamity for the unrighteous,
    and disaster for the workers of iniquity?"
     
  3. Sam_ba

    Sam_ba Fapstronaut

    Congrats for coming here.
    If you ve read some journal you can see that making our So's our AP is a great way of healing together. Have you considered it?

    I wish you success
     
    R.K. likes this.
  4. R.K.

    R.K. Fapstronaut

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    Thanks, Sam, and I have thought about it, but my SO has issues with sex in general (due to her father's molesting and sexual abuse) so she's not really willing to be my AP. But we love each other, and she and I continue to work through her difficulty with sexual and emotional intimacy.
     
  5. Digger2

    Digger2 Fapstronaut

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    Our backgrounds and lives are very similar. You love your wife but don't like a sexless marriage. For many years I thought I had a solution through PMO to satisfy my sexual desires without bothering my wife. But recently I came to realize that PMO had really become an addiction that was taking over my life. Thus, I am here working on a solution to my PMO addiction. I don't expect that to necessarily solve my marital issues but I do expect to have the chains of addiction to be broken. I wish you well on your journey.
     
    R.K. likes this.
  6. R.K.

    R.K. Fapstronaut

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    Thanks, Digger, and I appreciate your encouragement, especially since your situation is so similar to mine. I agree that PMO is addictive and is something we all need to get free of, and I’m praying that we both conquer this problem.
     
  7. R.K.

    R.K. Fapstronaut

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    I gave in to temptation and PMO'd yesterday. I'm recommitting to daily prayer and meditating on scripture to get back on track, and here are my scriptures I'm meditating on, to remember to be strong and courageous, and to resist temptation.

    Joshua 1:9 (ESV) -- "Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

    1 Cor 10:13-- No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.
     
  8. Digger2

    Digger2 Fapstronaut

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    Hey RK, temptation can be strong. I found the first week to be particularly and unexpectedly difficult. I felt like every waking minute I was being enticed into PMO land. Next time you feel that need rise up to be overwhelming, come here and click on the panic button, top right of page. You may find something there that will help you back away from the edge - It worked for me when I was on day 6.
     
  9. R.K.

    R.K. Fapstronaut

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    Thanks, Digger, that’s great advice. I haven’t used the panic button before. I appreciate the help!
     
  10. R.K.

    R.K. Fapstronaut

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  11. Digger2

    Digger2 Fapstronaut

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    Checking in with you RK - How has your week been?
     
  12. R.K.

    R.K. Fapstronaut

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    Thanks, digger, things have been ok. I’m super busy with work and haven’t had too much temptation lately. When I am tempted, I refer to the reddit post on the 40 motivating reasons. They are as entertaining as they are motivating, and it gets my mind off of it.
    How goes it with you?
     
  13. Digger2

    Digger2 Fapstronaut

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    I seem to be doing okay. Of course, whenever I say that I tend to run up against something. Still things are a lot easier now than during first couple of weeks. Thanks for asking
     
  14. R.K.

    R.K. Fapstronaut

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    Journal Update - I'm at 18 days and all is well. Temptation continues of course, but it's becoming easier to battle it. My wife is out of town for a few days, which is generally when I lapse big time. I'm in God's Word more, praying more, and focusing on godly things (Phil 4:8) instead of worldly junk. With God's help I know I can get through this (Phil 4:13).
     
  15. Digger2

    Digger2 Fapstronaut

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    You can make it through, just keep focused on why you are doing this. I will pray for your success.
     
  16. R.K.

    R.K. Fapstronaut

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    Thanks, Digger, I really appreciate it. I'm praying for your success too.
     
  17. R.K.

    R.K. Fapstronaut

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    Journal Update - I made it through the 1 week when my wife was out of town -- which was a probably a 1st time ever (& we've been married 41 years). So that was a big nofap win, but after she was back and was disinterested in sex, I relapsed.
    Recently, she's showing more interest in making love so I'm hopeful for improvement in our situation. We love each other, pray together, and we'll continue to get through all this.
     
  18. Digger2

    Digger2 Fapstronaut

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    I think that when your spouse is not interested in sex, it is easy to blame her/that situation for being attracted to Porn. And I think that is a contributor to jumping into PMO. I used that excuse for a number of years. But, for me, it was just an excuse for me to feed my addiction. Now, my spouse is still uninterested in sex, but I am engaged in this to rid my self of the corrosive affects of Porn. So I try to focus on how my stopping Porn is something I am doing for me, regardless of her interest in sex or not.
     
  19. R.K.

    R.K. Fapstronaut

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    Good points, Digger, and I agree. Focusing on stopping porn is the main issue. I appreciate your comments and counsel.
     

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