Journal for a 51yo kid

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by HopeForBrightFuture, Sep 4, 2018.

  1. HopeForBrightFuture

    HopeForBrightFuture Fapstronaut

    816
    1,786
    123
    K I started this late but I’ve been non-PMO since end of August.

    Sept 4 has been a great day so far. I wrote this morning about not meeting any women and starting conversations with them but today without trying met two and had conversations with both.

    Worked at my parent’s house. In 30 minutes heading out to Tuesday night SAA meeting.
     
    Last edited: Oct 1, 2018
    Prof Abraham, vxlccm and PotentLife like this.
  2. HopeForBrightFuture

    HopeForBrightFuture Fapstronaut

    816
    1,786
    123
    Feeling great and not feeling my age. That’s why the title of my thread.
     
  3. JoePineapples

    JoePineapples Fapstronaut

    Yeah, I'm about the same age as you… most days I feel about 25, but on a bad day I can feel 85 :)
     
    Nugget9, MrVaughn, Jim2015 and 2 others like this.
  4. HopeForBrightFuture

    HopeForBrightFuture Fapstronaut

    816
    1,786
    123
    Sept 5, Wednesday night, another productive day.

    Gym, finished packing for an upcoming trip, worked on cleaning up the mess in my living room and dining room, went to the zoo with a friend, nap, checking in here, next I’ll start getting ready to work the midnight shift.
     
    Prof Abraham and Jim2015 like this.
  5. HopeForBrightFuture

    HopeForBrightFuture Fapstronaut

    816
    1,786
    123
    So Thursday the 6th I was totally wiped out by the time I got home from work at 1:30pm. I did over 14 hours. Went to bed, work up n showered, watched some more MGTOW videos which I take with a grain of salt, then headed to work early.

    Still at work Friday morning finishing 13 hours. About to clock out and go to the gym before heading home.

    A bit of temptation to think about porn scenes but easily wiped away with some financial concerns. Need a resolution to those concerns and dwellling on porn isn’t going to help.
     
  6. HopeForBrightFuture

    HopeForBrightFuture Fapstronaut

    816
    1,786
    123
    Friday went well. Sleep then work. Long night at work, lots of items to take care of on the planes.

    Saturday morning: Arrived home from work extremely tired. Had a snack, did some writing, and then off to bed. Woke up and chatted with a friend about a camping trip. Ate dinner, watched some MGTOW videos. Checking in here, then will go back to work.
     
  7. HopeForBrightFuture

    HopeForBrightFuture Fapstronaut

    816
    1,786
    123
    Sunday:

    I was going to go to San Diego but a friend invited me to go out camping on my days off. Spent Sunday morning getting ready then took a nap. Still more to do before leaving tomorrow morning. Doing well not thinking about PMO. Feeling strong.

    This morning at work met a very intriguing woman. Had to take care of an issue on an aircraft and she was involved.

    This woman exhuded class. The way she was dressed, the way she talked, her mannerisms, the way she did her work, and the way she interacted with others. She wasn’t conceited. Lots of women at work look classy and are solid at their jobs but convey a nauseating conceit that makes them unattractive.

    I wasn’t intimidated by her. Instead impressed by how she carried herself.

    Honestly didn’t lust after her either. I wasn’t thinking I want to bang her. I was thinking, “This is a woman that has dignity. She has self confidence. But at the same time she respects others and doesn’t look down on people”.

    The airport I work in is spread out, it’s not likely I’ll see here again anytime soon. But that’s not important. I think it was an interesting encounter that helped me look at women in a more positive way. My general view of women right now is overwhelmingly negative and I realize I need to change that.
     
  8. HopeForBrightFuture

    HopeForBrightFuture Fapstronaut

    816
    1,786
    123
    Monday morning.

    This is my last post for a few days. Going camping.

    I was so wiped out yesterday, my first day off of my regular days off. I just rested all day. Working the midnight shift takes a lot out of you. Plus I’ve been working over 50+ hours each week with a commute that is sometimes one hour one way.

    Usually these rest days can be huge temptation days but spent time on NoFap, maybe too much time! LOL! And had a good day free of temptation.

    Also feeling mixed emotions about women. Part of me wants to be with a woman. I enjoy the chats I have with the married females at work and appreciate their good character. I think it might be good to have my own wife.

    But at the same time, part of me detests single women and wants nothing to do with them. Their arrogant attitudes pisses me off. But I realize my mind is F’d up because of porn and some of those women might not actually be conceited, it could just be me with a wrong perspective.

    Off to enjoy nature. Fresh air and beautiful scenery.
     
  9. HopeForBrightFuture

    HopeForBrightFuture Fapstronaut

    816
    1,786
    123
    Still Monday morning, haven't left the house yet. Getting several last minute things done. Great beautiful day here in my area. I'm all rested and feel wonderful. This time last year I was researching ways to kill myself and started following through with one of the ideas. Absolutely unbelievable thinking back to it now. Since starting NoFap in January I haven't had any thoughts of suicide. That alone is worth the continued struggle against PMO.
     
  10. HopeForBrightFuture

    HopeForBrightFuture Fapstronaut

    816
    1,786
    123
    Back from my camping trip. It was great to be in Kings Canyon National Park once again. Great weather and great scenery. Saw my first bear out in the wild. He casually walked across the camp grounds and into the trees. Kinda anti-clamitic actually.

    Home now and feeling strong. It helped that I didn't give in to any erotic writing or erotic reading. All the writing and reading I did while camping was non-sexual. Now I have to finish unpacking my car, get the laundry done, and shower. I smell to high heaven!
     
    Prof Abraham, Tom_Corsi and Jim2015 like this.
  11. HopeForBrightFuture

    HopeForBrightFuture Fapstronaut

    816
    1,786
    123
    It’s Thursday Morning, Sept. 13. I ended up taking the night off from work.

    Didn’t sleep very well, but I’m encouraged. No temptation last night or this morning. It’s 4:20am and my mind is filled with all the things I can do instead of staying at home.

    Right now the plan is go to the climbing gym, go see the Grand Princess Cruise Ship that’s in port today, then take a nap before work.

    My mind is also filled with thoughts of paying bills, already mid-month! Time sure is flying by faster and faster.
     
  12. HopeForBrightFuture

    HopeForBrightFuture Fapstronaut

    816
    1,786
    123
    Got a couple bills taken care of today. Went to the zoo. Mainly went because the hill portion of the zoo has an awesome view of the SF Bay including the cruise ship that was in port today, the Grand Princess.

    I took my good camera but the haze today prevented getting any good shots. Got some good walking in today. Also a good solid nap before work. Going to head out in a couple hours. I’ve been getting overly tired lately and last night I just had to take a mental break from work. I’m reset now and ready to jump back into the rat race.

    Lots of beautiful mothers with their kids at the zoo today. I was able to not lust. Just thought about other stuff, seemed easy now to not gaze at women or fantasize about them.
     
  13. HopeForBrightFuture

    HopeForBrightFuture Fapstronaut

    816
    1,786
    123
    At work taking a break. Good night so far.

    Zero urges still. Hope it stays that way.

    Back to work after typing this.
     
    Prof Abraham and JoePineapples like this.
  14. HopeForBrightFuture

    HopeForBrightFuture Fapstronaut

    816
    1,786
    123
    Friday evening, Sept 14. Had some urges before nap time but fortunately something happened in the house that needed my full attention. By the time I was done I was too tired to care about anything except going to sleep.

    One thing I did before leaving work Friday morning was get into some crude jesting with my coworkers over attractive women. It was stupid and immature on my part and led to some unhealthy thoughts. I need to stay away from that type of talk as it does nothing positive for me.

    I actually had a very pleasant visit with one of my married female coworkers at her work station on Thursday night before I started my work. What would she think of me if she had heard me jesting as I was with the guys???

    Need to always act in respectful ways in regards to women whether they’re around or not.
     
    19conquer, Prof Abraham and kropo82 like this.
  15. HopeForBrightFuture

    HopeForBrightFuture Fapstronaut

    816
    1,786
    123
    Home from work. This morning about 15 minutes before I left for home I came across one of the new and very cute customer service agents that had caught my eye. I had been wanting to start a conversation with her. I had an opportunity last week but chickened out. This morning I got a "burr up my ass" and went for it. We chatted for a couple of minutes and I found her to be a very nice person. Not sure if I'll ever get to talk to her again but I'm glad I tried and succeeded in starting a conversation this one time.

    Probably sounds stupid to all the guys with lots of experience with women but I still feel a rush right now that I was able to talk to her finally. It's like I accomplished something big, LOL! I'm such a backwards loser I know. But that's what 40 years of porn use can do to a man.

    Also I need to get over these negative attitudes about women. I guess trying to initiate conversations like I did this morning is how I go about it. And keep trying with different women if there are those that blow me off.

    Feeling strong against PMO this morning. Nap now and back to work tonight. Tomorrow and Monday I have solid plans for the day so should be good then as well.
     
    Last edited: Sep 15, 2018
  16. HopeForBrightFuture

    HopeForBrightFuture Fapstronaut

    816
    1,786
    123
    Got off work this morning, went home, changed, and went to San Francisco to see the Coral Princess cruise ship. Really pushed myself today. I'm quite tired now at home. Looked over my pictures and happy with them. Going to hit the sack soon.

    Next three nights off.

    Tomorrow the Celebrity Solstice is sailing into San Francisco Bay and I plan on going to see it. Need to get to my parent's house too either Monday or Tuesday and get some work done over there. Plenty of things to keep me busy.

    No urges, very tired, going to bed early, wake up early, and hit the gym.
     
    Prof Abraham likes this.
  17. HopeForBrightFuture

    HopeForBrightFuture Fapstronaut

    816
    1,786
    123
    I went to sleep shortly before 7pm. Would have liked to stay awake until 9pm but was exhausted. So as a result I’m fully awake at 11:40pm on my night off.

    In the past this would be a huge temptation time but the goals I have for Monday fill my mind and porn isn’t on the list. Right now going to watch episodes of “Are You Being Served” and then try to sleep again.
     
  18. HopeForBrightFuture

    HopeForBrightFuture Fapstronaut

    816
    1,786
    123
    Getting ready to head out to San Francisco again to see and photo another cruise ship. This time the Celebrity Solstice.

    Geeking out over ships and trains is definitely a factor in me still being single! (PMO-ing all the time last 40 years being the biggest factor of course.)

    Got some good pictures yesterday, not so sure today. We’ll see.

    ——-

    Some urges today. Good to be out and about. I don’t plan on getting home until I’m tired out and ready for bed.

    I will NOT fail!!!!!
     
  19. Robbiebob

    Robbiebob Fapstronaut

    All the very very best to you in your pursuits my friend and I dearly hope you are going okay in your quest ... Rob
     
    HopeForBrightFuture likes this.
  20. HopeForBrightFuture

    HopeForBrightFuture Fapstronaut

    816
    1,786
    123
    Thanks my friend. Waiting at the ferry terminal now. Another gorgeous day. Hope you’re doing well too.
     
    Prof Abraham likes this.

Share This Page