Journal - 90 Days Plan - Peer support welcome

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by sherif1987, Apr 5, 2018.

  1. sherif1987

    sherif1987 Fapstronaut

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    Friends,

    I have been trying to quit porn and masturbation for about 5 years. I have always had relapses and never really succeeded in cutting it out for longer than 20-30 days. I am happy that I generally have become less of a user than I was growing up. I was watching porn every day or every other day since I was a kid until today. I hadn't realized how debilitating this thing would become.

    I'm really excited and grateful for this site for providing a platform for us to support each other. I really hope I can succeed and that after 90 days I'll have rebooted my messed up system. I plan on posting every single day in order to hold myself accountable...I appreciate any support. I also plan on being active on the forum here
     
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  2. Awakening123

    Awakening123 Fapstronaut

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    You will succeed one day for sure! Try smarter not just harder. Learn from every relapse.
     
  3. sherif1987

    sherif1987 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you. I have been having terrible withdrawal the last two days. Extremely painful throat and chest constrictions. It feels like my throat is not just sore but also painfully spasming. Did anyone get throat lump spasms when withdrawing?
     
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  4. Awakening123

    Awakening123 Fapstronaut

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    I didn;t but some do go through physical symptoms like yours. It should pass away on its own. No need to worry about it.
     
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  5. sherif1987

    sherif1987 Fapstronaut

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    I am on day 11. I think a long-term porn addiction creates a deep and subconscious attachment to porn images as the default aim of sexual desire. Earlier, I briefly remembered the various things I used to watch, and felt a desire for them. At the same time when I talk to real women, I usually don't feel a connection. It's almost as if I've programmed my brain to enjoy images and so it doesn't know what to do with real women; as if they're not an aim anymore. I guess that's why I'm moving away from porn. Anybody successfully get rid of this attachment to porn and aversion to forming relationships with real women? How long does it take to reset? Anyone want to share their experiences?......
     
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  6. sherif1987

    sherif1987 Fapstronaut

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    I screwed up on day 22. But nothing is a mistake if you learn from it. What did I learn? When I feel a strong overwhelming urge for the addiction, I need to find a good replacement for it. I didn't do that yesterday. I should have gone for a walk, or texted/called friends, or read a book, or meditated, or read scripture, etc. Instead I acted out. So what I need to inculcate into my being is that when hte overwhelming urges come, I need to do one of those things immediately. to get rid of a bad habit you NEED TO REPLACE IT WITH A GOOD HABIT. no other way. Reprogramming. So I need to do something else such as the activities I lsited. Another thing is there was something off about the filter I am using. I need to make sure that I have little to no access to the habit as much as possible. I was on the mindset of "oh the urges are gone I'm doing really well, I'm not even unhappy now, I'm getting over the hump" and that is EXACTLY when I slipped up. I need to have my safeguards up 24/7 no matter how much I feel I've gotten over the terrible addicttion habit. SAFEGUARDS UP FOREVER NO MATTER WHAT. That is what I learned. I hope that my slip-up is a way to improve in teh future and a way to shore positive knowledge.....
     
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  7. Awakening123

    Awakening123 Fapstronaut

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    Journaling here everyday can be extremely helpful as well.
     
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  8. MustStopB4iam40

    MustStopB4iam40 Fapstronaut

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    Keep trying dude. I've just relapsed again and again the last few days. Alcohol is my nemesis - fap when drunk, fap when hung-over, fap when still feeling the effects 2 days later.
    Like you, I hope that 90 days or more - if and when I finally achieve that - will mean I'm no longer so drawn to this habit. Let's all succeed eventually..
     
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  9. sherif1987

    sherif1987 Fapstronaut

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    Messed up again. This tough. I swear I'm trying.
     
  10. sherif1987

    sherif1987 Fapstronaut

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    I've decided to create a list of things I've learned. I've definitely learned something new that I've tried to implement every time I relapse. Here's what I learned, for everyone's benefit:

    1. Put on extremely secure filters on devices. The less this drug is easily accessible, the better.

    2. Work out most days. Helps release energy which is otherwise bouncing around and can turn to insomnia and anxiety therefore leading to this terrible disease of a habit.

    3. Accountability partner! Key! I plan on being really committed on communicating with him almost daily because I've realized I need help.

    4. One can't eleminate a bad habit unless you rewire it to something else. In other words, when feeling horny/lonely/antsy/urges I need to DO SOMETHING ELSE. I've realized the other things I can create in the place of this bad habit is 1. call friends 2. go for a walk and call friends 3. wash your face with ice cold water

    5. Dont' bring the phone with you into the bathroom. Despite the filters, it's just bad news. Sorry for the tmi.

    6. I want to go for a walk NIGHTLY, in order to contemplate my life, existence, call friends, and burn off some energy. This way I can go to bed inshallah while sleepy instead of laying in bed with excess energy from sitting all day...

    7. Wish me luck guys. I really need all the help I can get.
     
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  11. MustStopB4iam40

    MustStopB4iam40 Fapstronaut

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    I do wish you luck dude, same struggle I'm going through and many of the same realisations.
    I'm tired of resetting that day-counter but that's not enough motivation - I'm finding it helpful to tell people I know in real life that I'm going for a 90 day streak.. Feel more determined not to fail when I know I'll have to admit it to friends. Just sharing that as it seems to be helping me this time, but hey - still early days so I'll let you know how that's going after 30 days!
     
  12. sherif1987

    sherif1987 Fapstronaut

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    Yo. Doing well without fapping but anxiety is through the roof. My brain feels foggy and dirty. I have discomfort in my throat and chest region. And I feel like I can't breathe sometimes. I don't know if this is withdrawal or PTSD or what it is. But it really doesn't feel good right now. Although I notice that I feel better when I get totally out of my head for a while, such as watching a movie.

    I think this must be withdrawal because I'm on day 23 and that really is a significant streak for me. During these 23 days, I did manage to find porn briefly now and again but I don't really count those instances because they were pretty weak images/videos (I have filters) and I quickly managed to close the windows and reinforce the safeguards. Have you gone through something like this on week 4? It's rough
     
  13. sherif1987

    sherif1987 Fapstronaut

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    I screwed up once looking at images for about 15 minutes but I closed them, fixed the filter and moved on. I am not gonna consider that breaking the streak because well I'm trying to stay positive and look on the bright side (I didn't masterbate and I stopped viewing). But that's for being positive. I'll be honest, I feel like shit.It's like there's a pain energy, maybe an energy that's there from the habit, that's traveling up to my chest and brain and making me feel tense, angry, and anxious. I really hope that I get to the end of this tunnel.
     
  14. sherif1987

    sherif1987 Fapstronaut

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    Well I'm at day 46. I have looked at "barely porn" briefly for a few periods during these 46 days but I'm not going to restart because that would just be really demoralizing. They really were brief and I managed to get off, reinforce filter, etc. Anyway, to chronicle my feelings. I have some good days and some really bad. I worked the past couple of days and felt pretty bad anxiety, social and general. Chest and throat were very tight. I have no doubt in my mind that my porn addiction/withdrawal is involved.
     
  15. sherif1987

    sherif1987 Fapstronaut

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    I feel like shit. Well it comes and goes. Man. This is tough. I'm more than halfway to 90 though...thank God
     
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  16. sherif1987

    sherif1987 Fapstronaut

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    I have been experiencing extreme nausea for some time. When does it go away? I feel like I'm going to throw up and my chest/throat region does not feel well at all
     
  17. sherif1987

    sherif1987 Fapstronaut

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    Hell. Some times. Tough. Keep going
     
  18. TomWalk

    TomWalk Fapstronaut

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    Keep going is right. I hope I can make it to 45, 46 days. I think stopping it from going any further when you find yourself being dragged into it is some of the best signs that you’re growing and getting stronger. You do have control.
     
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  19. sherif1987

    sherif1987 Fapstronaut

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    I appreciate the support. Day 54: I admit that during these 54 days I have very briefly looked at "almost porn" here and there but I always stopped, took measures to discontinue, and did not do anything for more than a few minutes. It's great progress for me nonetheless and I still consider that 54 without it because otherwise I'd be resetting this thing and getting more discouraged. Anyway, things are going well. I still have many moments and periods with nausea and/or anxiety, I don't even know if there is a strict difference between the two. But lots of tension in my chest and throat region. Some foggy thoughts, etc. I really hope to keep going. I really think around 90 days I'll feel better...we will see, Godwilling
     
  20. sherif1987

    sherif1987 Fapstronaut

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    Today is the "Standing at Arafah" where Muslim pilgrims repent and pray on Mount Arafat in Mecca. Like many other Muslims worldwide, I'm not on pilgrimage but I am fasting to commemorate the day. Fasting is interesting with regards with this heart tension/nausea I feel because sometimes it seems like it's making it worse as I get moody. But sometimes it's like my heart opens. This kind of movement from constriction to opening seems to happen more often when I'm fasting. Right now, my heart feels very relieved for example. I hope it's true that fasting contributes to healing.
     

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