Journal: 120 day challenge to reset my brain

Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by liveforjoy, Sep 22, 2018.

  1. liveforjoy

    liveforjoy Fapstronaut

    relapsed last night, but I STILL have kept away from porn. And managing to keep away from it this long is influencing even my dreams, now. I've had multiple non-sexual romantic dreams in the last week. o_0 I never have those. Wild. Makes me really happy. Feels like I'm becoming more whole.
     
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  2. naijakid

    naijakid New Fapstronaut

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    I discovered 2 things that help GREATLY

    1. Occupy yourself at all times, either with work (job) playing video games or reading books, just organise yourself in a way that you always have something to look forward to do

    2. Dont let dirty taughts linger, i believe this happens to everyone but speaking for myself once my mind starts to wonder towards pmo material i quickly counter it. This i believe is very very effective its like putting out a forest fire before it expands out of control if you understand the picture im trying to paint
     
    cranks175 likes this.
  3. liveforjoy

    liveforjoy Fapstronaut

    Definitely. Agreed.
     
  4. liveforjoy

    liveforjoy Fapstronaut

    Feeling extraordinarily good. (dances)

    I feel at peace, content.

    yayayayayayaya
     
  5. liveforjoy

    liveforjoy Fapstronaut

    It's now been a couple months since I looked at porn. Pretty great. I feel good.
     
  6. liveforjoy

    liveforjoy Fapstronaut

    I relapsed (still no porn!) yesterday and this morning. 2x in total.

    I feel WAY worse now. My verbal fluency is MUCH worse. My working memory (i.e. "short-term" -- which is roughly synonymous with IQ) is MUCH worse. My long term memory is also worse. I'm more impatient. I'm less upbeat. I'm less funny. I'm MUCH less confident. It's MUCH more difficult for me to concentrate.

    I feel foggy, dumber, sadder, less vibrant.

    There is NO fucking way that's just placebo. It's real. PMO (and, as this anecdote suggests, mere MO) does something physiological happens to my brain. And it's really bad.

    Fuck that. FUUUUUCKKKKKKKK that.
     
  7. liveforjoy

    liveforjoy Fapstronaut

    This morning I felt much better. Worse than I felt a few days ago at 8 days of no PMO, but better than I felt the days that I relapsed.
     
  8. liveforjoy

    liveforjoy Fapstronaut

    Today, I relapsed again. (Still no porn!) While home for Christmas I haven’t been able to run, which has made nofap much harder...

    I feel really bad now. Severe brain fog and worsened mood. Really low energy. Lethargic, sluggish.

    IMPORTANT:
    10 days ago before I broke my 8 day streak, I felt more confident and sociable and smart than I can remember EVER feeling. It was awesome. I felt so strong and capable and likable and happy.

    One of the many side effects of DRAMATICALLY increased confidence was that I spoke much louder and clearer. PMO indirectly causes me to mumble...

    The fact that MO without P brought me all the way back to this terrible place shows again how I’ve plateaued and need to drop full PMO to heal and reboot. Just dropping P isn’t enough.
     
    Last edited: Dec 28, 2018
  9. liveforjoy

    liveforjoy Fapstronaut

    Relapsed with porn a couple hours ago. Disappointing.

    Interestingly, it wasn’t that thrilling. I wasn’t so spellbound like I used to be. I suppose the last couple months without porn have done some good that I haven’t totally reversed yet.

    Saying it again to myself: It’s clear that I must go full PMO if I want to experience the most remarkable physical, intellectual, emotional, and spiritual benefits that I have already sampled during my longer nofap streaks.

    Fallen down, I get up again. Resolved.
     
  10. liveforjoy

    liveforjoy Fapstronaut

    2019 is gonna by my flipping year. I've waited too long. I want to be a normal, healthy, sociable human being. Fuck this plague.
     
  11. liveforjoy

    liveforjoy Fapstronaut

    Started ketogenic diet yesterday -- for unrelated reasons. Woah. It knocks my cravings out completely, at least so far. Weird.

    Random:

    I wanted to record a little more about how I was feeling during my longest streak so far. A couple months ago, when I got to 10 days, I noticed how simple pleasures were becoming more and more pleasurable. I remember one day I just smiled lying down, because the warm touch of the soft blanket felt so nice. I felt similar kinds of ways walking around outside in the sun, during meditation, when laughing, or when running.

    I'm looking forward to getting back to that.
     
  12. liveforjoy

    liveforjoy Fapstronaut

    Meditation, Intermittent Fasting, A diet not too high in sugars and processed carbohydrates (replaced by healthy unsaturated fats like avocado, nuts, and fatty fish), aerobic exercise.

    All of these things help immensely.

    Hypofrontality and memory impairment are so devastatingly real.
     
    Last edited: Jan 16, 2019 at 11:52 PM
  13. liveforjoy

    liveforjoy Fapstronaut

    I've realized that I have "sensory processing sensitivity." https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sensory_processing_sensitivity

    Holy fuck this makes so much sense and explains so much, including some of my addiction.

    PMO makes my anxiety worse, for sure, but I'm very confident that I also have sensory processing sensitivity. I fit the "Highly Sensitive Person" profile down to the fucking letter.
     
    Last edited: Jan 8, 2019
  14. liveforjoy

    liveforjoy Fapstronaut

    Mindfulness meditation definitely helps willpower. That shit is not placebo.
     
  15. Dire91

    Dire91 Fapstronaut

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    Hey friend
    I read a great article once about not demonizing pmo. By doing so you give it more power than it deserves. PMO isn't some massive black cloud that plots to take over your life and sabotages you at every step. No, it doesn't deserve that and it isn't that. Save that for real enemies.

    Porn is simply lewd internet content. You watch it, and you wanna be the kinda guy who doesn't. That's all! And you will be!
    Masturbation also is natural but can also, especially in excess, be detrimental though far less so than porn masturbation together. Masturbating won't mess with your thinking friend, or your clarity, likely that is your guilt/anxiety/stress associated with it that's affecting you cognitively and behaviorally when you indulge in masturbation.

    Naturally, I agree that one should abstain from both, and focus on real physical intimacy instead. Just don't over empower the addiction so to speak. Also, that restlessness, I totally vibe with that. Well described. I think people like us are very active or very not, we're either going a hundred miles an hour or zero. When we're going zero we feel restless and it leads us to indulge?

    Just my thoughts, and best of luck! Keep your head up and beat this!
     
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  16. liveforjoy

    liveforjoy Fapstronaut

    I relapsed last night, and these thoughts are definitely good to remember. Thanks. I want to be resolved to change, but not self-shaming. So true. Shame kills hope.
     
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