Journal 1

I am going to start a journal to keep my journey documented. It is mostly self serving so I dont expect many replies, but I myself enjoy reading other peoples randomish thoughts so maybe some of you will like it.

My friend x came over today and we worked on our programming project. I lost my laptop with visual studio 2017 on it so I had to redownload and set it up. I thought I lost my Microsoft email address that was connected to my VS account, but I found it in my window sill. It was nearly unreadable due to how much the sun had faded the ink. So I saved all of that info in my phone quickly. I really need to keep track of all the accounts I have, I'm too careless.

I wonder what the rules are for this forum; I hope my journals dont get taken down for some reason. Well one journal. I haven't had any urges today so far, and it is now 820 at night. But, I still feel kind of disappointed in myself, guilty even, so that helps in a way. The problem is that when I start to feel good, I want to rationalize bad behaviour. I was watching a youtube video on Neen Williams yesterday. Background: he is a skater for deathwish, and he used to just drink and smoke all the time, typical pro skater activities. Anyway, he said that he would get trashed one day, feel awful for 3 days, start to feel better on the fourth day, and becuase he felt better he decided to go out and party again! The same cycle I am in! As well as many of you I assume.

I went for a long jog last night, I live on the outskirts of town, but still within a neighborhood, so running at night is perfect. No cars, low speed limit, few lamps here and there. I was running with my headlamp tapped across my chest, and I just watched the stars listening to music. It wasn't super relaxing, becuase I can only workout to rap, but it was nice. My hips hurt today thought. I think I have weak hips. Running when it is dark makes it easier for me, I can focus better when my vision is just a dark blue.

I started taking creatine again, It helps with my energy levels throughout the day. I think this will do for today. I am going to go and break this up into paragraphs so it's easier to read and then post it. I am going to actually add a poll to this, I just want to see how that works.