Joining NoFap Party - 46 years old, Fappin' for 30 years, need to stop PM

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Carl Spackler, Jan 23, 2017.

  1. Carl Spackler

    Carl Spackler Fapstronaut

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    Right. Same with me. I was blaming everything on her, while in the blinding fog of continual PMO. Stopping the PMO, cleared the fog and made the truth easier to see and also makes accountability and taking responsibility easier as well.
     
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  2. Carl Spackler

    Carl Spackler Fapstronaut

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    Today is 60 days PMO free. I've been so busy due to the holidays that I haven't logged into this site for about 5 days. I didn't even realize that I was on day 60. My wife is a teacher, so she's got the entire holiday season off work. A while ago, she declared she was going to run some errands and left. Within about 60 seconds of the door closing, I had a huge impulse to visit a porn site. I have not visited a P site in 60 days. I really have not had many impulses to visit a P site for this 60 day run. So, I'm a bit shocked and startled. I immediately logged into NoFap instead.

    It's so obvious that I'm dealing with some sort of conditioned response. The old habit, that I've had for 30 some years, which has been thankfully laying rather dormant, shot right to the surface upon hearing the door close. Door Close = House to myself, time to sit back and start whacking. Yikes!

    Well, I didn't and it wasn't close, but geezus... out of nowhere the temptation was right in front of me.

    Phwwwweeew!

    NoFap is real. There is NO question that PMO is an awful habit that will bring various levels of misery at the cost of quick, short term gratification.

    Stopping PMO is real. There is NO question that removing PMO from your life will bring you various levels of positive healing and clarity of which you have lost sight of.

    Happy New Year~
     
  3. JohnQ3369

    JohnQ3369 Fapstronaut

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    Like Pavlov’s dogs. I get it.
     
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  4. Colin75

    Colin75 Fapstronaut

    Well done on your 60 days! I love your great insights too. Colin.
     
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  5. Carl Spackler

    Carl Spackler Fapstronaut

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    Yes, except it appear that I have conditioned myself. :oops:
     
  6. Carl Spackler

    Carl Spackler Fapstronaut

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    Thank you @Colin75

    I see that you are 15 days in (over two weeks)! Congrats to you too. Is this the longest duration you've gone with no PMO?
     
  7. AEC Josh2415

    AEC Josh2415 Fapstronaut

    Alone time is not my friend. Learning to spend that time differently is really important. Congratulations on the 60 days.
     
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  8. Colin75

    Colin75 Fapstronaut

    I think it could be, im not sure. Check out my journal if you get a chance. Thanks! Colin.
     
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  9. Carl Spackler

    Carl Spackler Fapstronaut

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    Keep up the good work! I did read some of your more recent posts. You have a complex situation. I plan on reading through your entire thread in the near future and will respond.
     
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  10. Carl Spackler

    Carl Spackler Fapstronaut

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    At the 62 day mark, heading into the New Year and very happy about removing the PMO from my life. I've got plenty of things to work on, mainly better habits in my family and work life. I truly feel like (and actually hope) that a lot of my difficulties focusing and staying on task are related to over 30 years of massive PMOing. I say "actually hope" because that would explain some of my issues away. And if that's the case, all the more reason to stay completely away from PMO and try to get my brain healed and rewired.

    So 2019 is going to be about having a foundation of no PMO to stand on. A nice clean, guilt free plateau to stand on with confidence. I can start really rewiring and integrating better daily routines to fill in all the time I'm going to have daily, that's not being sucked up by manic, obsessive, compulsive PMO sessions from HELL.

    In case I don't make it back here until next year: Happy New Year to anyone that might read this! We can do this!
     
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  11. Colin75

    Colin75 Fapstronaut

    Yes you raise a very good point about the extend of blame lies on PMO. Whilst we cant blame the PMO for bad weather or a lousy meal, we are perfectly entitled to blame it for an integral mass of destruction in our lives. Happy new year to you too! Colin.
     
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  12. Carl Spackler

    Carl Spackler Fapstronaut

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    Welp, I haven't been coming to NoFap for quite a while. I've been on cruise control with my no PMO mission. I've had some significant "out of nowhere moment," where some sort of SUB P triggered me and I was suddenly ogling pictures of women online, but have quickly bailed each time. Also, I've been working really hard on a work project, all the while battling my ADD and inability to focus at times. I believe more now than ever, that my ADD/OCD type behaviors and patterns, were entrenched by my PMO addiction for the last 30+ years. I'm determined to rebuild my brain so I can focus more. That lack of focus has added more stress at times lately, and that lands me into everyone's favorite fun game to manage the stress ... It's time to PMO! I'm able to shake it off immediately, which is amazing, considering that I've been in that loop probably HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS of times before, all resulting in PMO for hours. I'm so thankful that I'm maintaining and hopefully rewiring/building new mental roads. I'm damaged, that's for sure. But I'm also healing. That's also for sure.

    Anyway, I felt compelled to login to NoFap today because I had a few minutes. Sure as shit, it's 90 days no PMO for me today. I didn't even know. I'll take it and aim for another 90 days. But really, for me, I can NEVER step back into porn or my marriage will die.
     
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  13. KingGray

    KingGray Fapstronaut

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  14. Carl Spackler

    Carl Spackler Fapstronaut

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    Thank you @KingGray. I'm 95 days no PMO and just had a 30 minute internal mental tussle with myself, where a PMO compulsion flared up out of nowhere. I'm past it, thankfully.
     
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  15. Carl Spackler

    Carl Spackler Fapstronaut

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    Stopping into NoFap today, about to be at 105 days of no PMO. Had some impulses this morning, triggered by work stress. I'm shaking it off by visiting NoFap instead and hope to get back on track with work.

    I had an argument with my wife over the weekend, regarding my son and how to discipline him. We really haven't argued much at all since she moved out and then moved back home (when she moved out Nov 1st, I immediately started my current NoFap streak). So, this weekend's argument was intense but we came out the other side of it with closure. I will chalk up the "clean closure" and healing of the argument, at least in part, because I'm PMO free. My overall anger level is pretty much at 0 because I'm not carrying guilt and anxiety with me, due to PMO and all it's negatives.
     
  16. vxlccm

    vxlccm Fapstronaut

    Great job on the streak, man! Staying vigilant is so important, almost more important over time.

    Glad to hear you got some closure despite the disagreement. That's the story in my marriage, some rocky times but it's worth it to work on things, even if neither side is ready to be all mature and peaceable. Sounds like I could learn a lot from you with the anger level 0.
     
  17. Carl Spackler

    Carl Spackler Fapstronaut

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    Thanks @vxlccm. One of my biggest family communication challenges is being far less reactive. My wife was pissed off over the weekend for sure. She started ripping into me a bit. I did NOT react, rather I just let her let it all out. My previous self, the PMO self, would have already be idling at a 5 or 6, due to my guilt, frustration, and general angst because of stupid PMO habits. It's a lot easier and faster to get to 8,9, or 10 (where 10 is full blown screaming and kicking a door) from 6 than it is when I'm much calmer and cooler, due to taking care of myself better and having PMO out of my life.

    On Monday night (the same day I posted my initial comment, here in this thread, about the weekend argument), my wife and I went to see a concert. We parked the car and were walking to the venue. She said something like... "I was really mad this weekend. I think the key to getting past it quickly was that you didn't react, you just let me vent and didn't say anything. Thank you."

    Not reacting to someone calling me out is not in my nature. Not being a PMO douche-bag and just getting older/learning from mistakes are the vital elements allowing me to be far less reactive.

    How many times does one need to stick their key in the light socket before they realize it's gonna hurt? :)
     
  18. Carl Spackler

    Carl Spackler Fapstronaut

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    Day 115 in a row and I'm still getting the random impulses to view P. This morning I was suddenly about to type a domain into my browser that would've taken me right to where I left off 115 days ago. Good Grief! Nothing like that for about 15 days and then suddenly I'm standing at the edge of the cliff. No way am I going back into the dark hole of despair. So I logged in here instead. Phwwwwwweeew~
     
  19. Prof Abraham

    Prof Abraham Fapstronaut

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    Difficult point in the process. Getting over 100 days makes you feel over-confident. Maybe review your anti-relapse defences. No surrender!
     
  20. goodnice 2.0

    goodnice 2.0 Fapstronaut

    I’m only 19 and every relapse i feel i’m dying. I don’t think i can afford to relapse again, it’s just too painful. And it has already destroyed me. Idk how I could live another year in this awful lifestyle. I’m surprised so many people with PMO are even able to get married. There’s no way I can even go on a date and have any connection with the girl if i relapse
     
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