Jesus saved me and here i am chipping in

ok folks.. heres a radical possible fix....alot of its garbled.. the idea is for folk to read through and comment/ build on it. i have bin a victim of porn since i was 11. it started out with masturbating with knitting catalogues and other beningn literature. by age 12 i was masturbating with pornography. My good friend who was also a victim to porn and patriarchy would send me to the shop to buy his porn mags and i would inherit his old ones.

after leaving home i rarely looked at porn really, off and on when i came across a magazine. in fact i was pretty much porn free and rarely masturbated. i'd like to point out at this point that due to porn and family infighting i was very angry and my outlet was to have rape fantasies every time i masturbated, but that was mainly during puberty but became learned behaviour and has stuck with me throughout my adult life.

i met my girlfriend around the time i discovered internet porn. the porn diddnt interest me me at first as i unwittingly was recovering from masturbating in general.... but i did masturbate still and with lingerie/ underwear catalogues. when i moved in with my girlfriend the shit hit the fan. I'm not into sex at all... i see it for what it is and have nothing to do with it. masturbation is not sex. its an illness.. i'll explain how i see it in a minute or so. after having sex a few times.. good sex, loving and gentle (also a bit weird too at one point ) i masturbated with the television, models on a catwalk. then to internet porn, at which at one point my girlfriend walked in on me while i was lookng at porn. we never had sex again. we stayed together.. after all i love her with every beat of my heart and she loves me too. a bit later i discovered she was okay with my celibacy... due to the fact that she has never disturbed me and knocks on my door before entering she is aware of my masturbation. basically she has a deep understanding i havent found in anyone before.

which is what helped me kick porn and masturbation altogether.. as i'm about to say. thats when it hit the fan. i would masturbate every now and then...only to porn. then in closer intervals till eventually i would masturbate to porn every night. first to pictures... then later on to videos... and thats when it got dangerous. i would masturbate to violent scenes... not rape porn but very dodgy nonetheless. learned behaviour took over. i dont know what drives other mens masturbatory behaviour, but for me virtual rape porn was mostly normal... i diddnt have much of a problem with it.

Soon i was knee deep in really nasty porn...i couldnt stop myself. i got so fed up with being a slave to pornography and having to masturbate just to feel normal, that i went to a church to seek external help. i did get help and i would advise others to seek help there too, but thats not why i'm writing this post

ok... when we maturbate it affects our brain chemistry. the way i understand it is that stimulating the reproductive neural system over and over and over ...etc and not letting those neurons stop firing, simply causes you to masturbate again. and again and again and so on...

this is where i go strange.. please read this bit. even if you dont understand it... god knows i dont understand it either... its just what ive noticed, and i cant prove it but it has helped me deal with an important part of the recovery process.

ok... when we are in a state of masturbation addiction, our astral self, its aura changes. it repels other astral selves. when we stop masturbating and the healing process begins, the sick aura... which is broadcasting the fact that we have a problem with masturbation changes ever so slightly, now broadcasting that our neurons have stopped firing as much. this attracts other souls that have a masturbatory problem because they notice you are healing and they need healing too, so they are looking blindly to you for help. unfortunatley the help they need causes them to focus on your groin area because that's where their problem is too. causing that ripple feeling and tingling sensation in your privates. that sensation isnt 'longing'

it is what it is... i dont have any answers just the information i gleaned from helping myself. also check out god.. they good at healing..