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Jagliana's Journal | An S.O's perspective

Discussion in 'Significant Other Journals' started by Jagliana, Feb 4, 2018.

  1. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 529: 7/12/2019

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Recovery.
    3) Morning Walk.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, we spoke for a little bit, I vented quite a bit about my day... how frustrated my parents left me. Then we went to watch "Fireproof", wow this movie speaks to those stuck in this loop, especially us SO's, feeling not enough, forgotten by our men, no longer wanted, replaced by everything else. It was a little too religious for my taste, but if you pull out of it the relationship stuff and are able to detach the religious messaging, it's good. The only vital and in our opinion key piece they did not mention was: communication, without it - nothing will ever work. Watch the trailer here.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “How To Change The Way You Think”, in this episode, Daymond John as he talks about how to change the way you think. Remember, if you don't like something change it. If you can't change it change the way you think about it.

    This morning, I finished listening to Impact Theory, "If You Feel Fear or Anxiety, Listen to This", where Tom interview's Trent Shelton a former NFL wide receiver and currently a social media influencer in the motivational arena - awesome, awesome interview - can't stress it enough. During our walk, Wade and I listened to and learned so much from Tom's interview with Renowned Neurosurgeon Rahul Jandial, "Brain Surgeon’s Advice On How To Stop Negative Behaviors And Strengthen Your Mind". He shares his extraordinary knowledge about how much food affects our mindset, how to strengthen our brains, and what we can realistically expect from our efforts. He gives specific tips on how to make the brain healthier, how intermittent fasting kicks the mind diet into high gear, how even animals get high, and how plants work on your brain, how when it comes to the brain, habits/routines they work the concept of use it or lose it, he discusses mental health, the complexity of depression and anxiety, how repetition creates positive mental habits, the importance of physical exercise and the one most important change people should make. Both of us were so intrigued and fascinated by this interview, the subject, and overall discussion that it kept us talking and engaged the whole time.

    Tonight the pesky house guests are arriving, this is going to be a "fun" week... :rolleyes:

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: My hair is still shiny and flowy, kind of surprised by that.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    "REPROGRAM The Way You THINK!" - Daymond John



    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 |

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
  2. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 529: 7/12/2019

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Recovery.
    3) Morning Walk.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, we spoke for a little bit, I vented quite a bit about my day... how frustrated my parents left me. Then we went to watch "Fireproof", wow this movie speaks to those stuck in this loop, especially us SO's, feeling not enough, forgotten by our men, no longer wanted, replaced by everything else. It was a little too religious for my taste, but if you pull out of it the relationship stuff and are able to detach the religious messaging, it's good. The only vital and in our opinion key piece they did not mention was: communication, without it - nothing will ever work. Watch the trailer here.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “How To Change The Way You Think”, in this episode, Daymond John as he talks about how to change the way you think. Remember, if you don't like something change it. If you can't change it change the way you think about it.

    This morning, I finished listening to Impact Theory, "If You Feel Fear or Anxiety, Listen to This", where Tom interview's Trent Shelton a former NFL wide receiver and currently a social media influencer in the motivational arena - awesome, awesome interview - can't stress it enough. During our walk, Wade and I listened to and learned so much from Tom's interview with Renowned Neurosurgeon Rahul Jandial, "Brain Surgeon’s Advice On How To Stop Negative Behaviors And Strengthen Your Mind". He shares his extraordinary knowledge about how much food affects our mindset, how to strengthen our brains, and what we can realistically expect from our efforts. He gives specific tips on how to make the brain healthier, how intermittent fasting kicks the mind diet into high gear, how even animals get high, and how plants work on your brain, how when it comes to the brain, habits/routines they work the concept of use it or lose it, he discusses mental health, the complexity of depression and anxiety, how repetition creates positive mental habits, the importance of physical exercise and the one most important change people should make. Both of us were so intrigued and fascinated by this interview, the subject, and overall discussion that it kept us talking and engaged the whole time.

    Tonight the pesky house guests are arriving, this is going to be a "fun" week... :rolleyes:

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: My hair is still shiny and flowy, kind of surprised by that.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    "REPROGRAM The Way You THINK!" - Daymond John



    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 |

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
  3. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 530: 7/13/2019

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Recovery.
    3) Family time.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, we had a very long, vulnerable chat... with my mom, we let her vent out her frustrations and at the end of our talk, she said she actually felt some relief from her depressive thoughts, she felt better. I won't go into details about what was said, but both Wade and I were happy with the outcome. Then, he and I spoke alone a little bit before my brother and his wife joined us, then we actually spoke about growth mindsets, positive and gratitude thinking. It was a nice change for us all I believe, quite productive evening/night.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “How To Stop Suffering In Your Life”, in this episode, Wayne Dyer talks about how to stop suffering end the stress in your life. Remember, be careful what you think about because what you think about is going to expand.

    This morning, we listened to "Vishen Lakhiani on Breaking All the 'Brules'” on Impact Theory. Vishen Lakhiani discovered that if he was going to stay true to his inner identity he was going to have to break some “brules.” The CEO and Founder of the revolutionary global empire "Mindvalley Academy", best-selling author, and philosopher discusses changing your culturescape and moving toward your end goals. He defines culturescape and “brules,” why goal setting is often done the wrong way leading us to fail and be unhappy, he shares the three most important questions to identify your end goals, he shares his philosophy on parental discipline and fundamental beliefs. Vishen the power of the mind, the powerful mission purpose of the Mindvalley Academy, and why 4-year colleges are no longer relevant. Alan Watts said, "No literate, inquisitive young man needs to go to college unless they are training to be a doctor or a teacher or anything that requires certification." He wrote that in 1972. Vishen believes that's even truer right now.

    We took the kids, my brother, his wife and ourselves to a science museum. The kids, Wade and I had a really good time, but we enjoy this stuff, I feel like my brother 'kind of' did, like 75% but his wife was just running the motions, oh well. The activities were fun, but best of all was the planetarium it was AMAZING, this was both Wade's and the kids first experience and they just loved it, that made me so happy for suggesting it. There were a few triggers for me there, but I tried to manage it as best as I could with all of the distractions, it was not so easy though.

    What sucks is that tonight, we won't be able to talk because of our house guests. Plus side? they are going to leave for three days, they'll be back though.

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: Even though my blue summer dress brings up mixed emotions in regards to Wade (previous trigger), I caught myself in the mirror and actually liked how it looked.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    How To Stop Negative Behaviors And Strengthen Your Mind



    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 |

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
  4. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 531: 7/14/2019

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Recovery.
    3) House Guest [FREE] Evening.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, we could not talk too much due to our house guests, but we did a quick round-up of the did and then went to watch some TV, he also gave me such a nice foot rub, I felt like my brother or his wife would judge us for it, if they saw it though, Wade did not care... after we went to bed, I love being able to go to bed with Wade, these days at least.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “How To Deal With Rejection”, in this episode, Bernadette Logue from The Daily Positive talks with us about how to deal with rejection. Remember, there are over 7 Billion people on this planet. Not everyone is going to like you.

    This morning, we listened to "Lauryn Evarts and Michael Bosstick: Thriving in Marriage and Business" on The School of Greatness with Lewis Howes. Both Wade and I agreed, from the start that this interview was not Lewis's best, something felt off about these guests and it was not until we got through more of the interview, that we finally understood what it was, but more on that later. Lauryn Evarts and Michael Bosstick host "the entrepreneurial podcast" and "The Skinny Confidential HIM & HER podcast". In this interview, Lewis asks them various questions about their respective businesses, money, and marriage. However, as they were talking and how they were answering questions, it all just seemed so surface level, hallow, not deep or thought-provoking as most of his guests often are, it just felt off for both of us. Countless times throughout this interview, we thought about stopping, but neither of us like doing that anymore, we like finishing something, once we've started it. Then it finally hit us, unlike Tom and Lisa from Impact Theory, these two are very inauthentic and that comes off in their responses, especially Lauryn's. She talks a big game about being "real" and all, but she is not and it seems like a lot of their answers include some underlying resentment towards each other, I don't think they communicate vulnerably with each other either. For instance, at around 58 minutes, Lewis asks Michael, "What’s the question you wish Lauryn would ask you that she hasn’t asked?" which came after a few minutes of him explaining how frustrated he gets having to carry heavy luggage full of 40 shoes (hers) all the time. His response was sometimes I think it would be nice if she would ask me "Hey, are you all right? are you okay?". She kind of brushed it off by stroking his ego "because I always assume he is the rock, always so strong!" instead of really giving him a chance to state his peace and hear his vulnerability, he is trying to reach out here, get a big point of resentment across... maybe so you could learn something? but no. Anyway, even though we did not want to really get through this one, it still opened up a good conversation for us.

    Our house pests left for three days to a conference, what a relief! my brother is okay but his wife is just... omg... I can not wait to have my house to myself again.

    Can't wait to talk to Wade tonight... in peace and in a nightshirt, but braless!! ha!

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: Loving my new sweat shorts!:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    How to Deal with Rejection



    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 |

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  5. I just found you on here. I'm going to go back and read about you. I appreciate the Recovery Setback Dates in your signature!
     
    Jagliana likes this.
  6. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    Thank you :)
     
  7. You have an amazing story and you give me hope! Thank you so much for sharing your story. It helps me and is almost exactly the same as my story. Events, times and things are different but the feelings you had are just like mine. I've noticed how similar are the SO stories are in terms of their feelings! Honesty is so huge. I'm in the "you have to be honest with me and disclose, make an effort to recover through actions" phase right now...
     
    Jagliana likes this.
  8. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    I really appreciate hearing that, I hope that if nothing else, my story can help someone else or give them a little hope.

    That is a difficult phase for the both of you, he has to be willing to give you the truth and you have to be willing to hear it with the risk of getting triggered but not allow your emotions to react first, which is not easy at all but can be done with a lot of practice.
     
    kropo82 and Deleted Account like this.
  9. Having difficulty with getting him to be willing to much more than say I will fix it.
     
    Jagliana likes this.
  10. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    If he needs someone to talk to, help getting started, etc., have reach out to my husband @Wade W. Wilson
     
  11. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 532: 7/15/2019

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Recovery.
    3) Morning Walk.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, we talked... in peace, without worried that 'the queen' or my brother would walk out and join us. We both agreed that his wife is a mood killer, sucks the joy and energy out of the room and seems to believe that she is "above" everyone else in the room, in all aspects, she is just better than us all and her behavior shows us exactly how she feels.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Change Your Mentality And Change Your Future”, in this episode, we get an inspiring message about how to change your mentality success. Think big, do big, win big. Remember, in order to change your reality, you have to change your mentality. And that is the thought for today.

    This morning, during our walk we listened to and enjoyed "How To Be Present In Your Life" an interview with Chris Lee, on School of Greatness with Lewis Howes. He is a life coach who has spent over 27 years of his life, transforming the lives of thousands of people worldwide through his workshops, coaching, and participation in all media, teaching people how to live an abundant prosperous life. Chris says that we need to realize that life has an ending. What you’re experiencing now will soon be over- this is your one shot! so you need to stop being a spectator in your own life and actually feel, enjoy and be present in all of your experiences. By taking ownership of your life and your environment, you can stop your resentments of the past and anxiety about the future. He shares and goes through seven keys to being present in this interview, in-depth but here they are summed up: 1) Realize that you only have one life, this is the only moment you have, 2) Embrace and accept where you are at and it's for you, 3) Do not dabble in a moment, be all-in it. Be all-in [present] on everything that you're experiencing in your life, 4) Have ownership of the moment you are in, 5) Start with an intention for what you want to create for the day, 6) Hold people accountable to be present, so if people are distracted, don't allow them to continue that - be clear that you need all of their attention right now and 7) Be mindful of your movement, your physical space in your body, because one moment of distraction can change your life forever. Chris says that all of us are trying to do too many things at once, we’re on the phone while doing something else, we’re on a date but we’re distracted, we’re responding to text messages at red lights. When we live like this, we never fully experience anything - we’re half-living. It’s hard to build relationships, be joyful, and be open to opportunities when you’re not present. He also explains that you should not feel ashamed or embarrassed to hold other people accountable for being present, like asking your partner, family or friends to put down their phones when they are spending time with you because you would like their full attention in order to connect with me. Wade and I agreed with all of Chris's points and we've been trying to live this way, even since starting our recoveries and have both felt huge differences.

    Tonight we get another free night, before the house pests return for a few more days, can't wait to just chill together in some peace!

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: I was in pain, unmotivated and still walked, even extra.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    Chris Lee: How To Be Present In Your Life with Lewis Howes



    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 |

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
  12. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 533: 7/16/2019

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Recovery.
    3) Morning Video.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, we spent our whole talk ranting about how obnoxious my brother and his wife's behavior has been during their stay, as well as how horribly they've treated our kids. Then he gave me a soft, but soothing back rub before we went to watch some TV.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “An Inspiring Message Reminding You Why Mindset Is Everything”, in this episode, we have an inspiring message reminding us why mindset is everything. Remember, there is nothing as powerful as a changed mind.

    This morning, we listened to Impact Theory's "Why Working Hard Isn't The Answer" where Tom interviews Aubrey Marcus, a modern-day philosopher, and Onnit CEO. Aubrey believes that optimizing our lives comes down to our daily choices. He teaches that by taking the time to learn our fears and insecurities we can start making decisions to counteract them leading to healthier, more balanced lives. Aubrey breaks down the science of optimizing his work ethic, how to weaponize the power of belief for success, dealing with fear and the consequences of pursuing fearlessness, and shares some practical tips for living optimally. Some great takeaway quotes were: “You gotta realize there is no such thing as failure, there's just learning” and “You just gotta understand, the only thing that you're responsible for is your best. You can't do better than your best, you just do your best and if you try to obsess too much, you're not doing your best, you're going to be paralyzed.”

    The rest of the day was pretty laid back, we went to Wade's doctor's appointment, then a supermarket run where there were a few triggers and I'm pretty sure that I did see Wade 'slip' on the woman in the black yoga pants by the register, but he did not say anything to me at all. Chances are after he reads this post he'll 'suddenly' remember. We'll see I guess... Then we decided to go to the UNO's Kids Summer Party event, our eldest stayed in the pool with my parents, so we took the little one and she had a good time. There were a few triggers for me which of course, was not easy but just a fact of my life, that I continue to have to deal with. Wade tried to brighten my mood (or change the subject playing in my head I guess) by telling me he thought I looked pretty, but all I could think was... "but I bet you don't think I look as pretty as her" and "no matter what you say, I know for a fact that you prefer her body type, especially her huge, fat ass". What's frustrating is, this is like the third time we get this very triggering waitress, no matter where we get seated, she's always assigned to us, as if to test my mental strength, like another SO on this forum called it, a total cosmic joke. Sigh. I hate feeling inadequate in my marriage, as if I'm not what my husband prefers, every time she came around I had this gut-wrenching feeling come over me and felt like I was in an ongoing competition for his attention with her because I know how much more he prefers her type ['prime type'] versus me. As I mentioned, he did try to deflect my attention with compliments, but I believe they were just that, his way of trying to "fix" the situation, maybe lessen my trigger or distract me from it, but that does not work for me because once my trigger goes off - it's too late, I don't feel like the intention is authentic at that point, feels like there is a motive behind it. I've worn this outfit before, maybe with a different colored top before and he never complimented me this much, so I could tell he was trying a bit more than usual today.

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: Loved how my tennis skort and my pink fitted top looked today.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    5 Pieces of Life-Changing ADVICE from Brené Brown



    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 |

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
  13. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 534: 7/17/2019

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Recovery.
    3) Morning Walk.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, we discussed my trigger at UNO's, how I felt about it and how his compliments made me feel at the moment, I think he got my point of how I perceived them as I heard them, especially at their frequency, to say the least. Then we spent some time chatting about our house pests, just annoying, rude and inconsiderate they've been towards my parents and my kids.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “An Inspiring Message To Help You Win The Morning”, in this episode, we hear a great message about how to win the morning so you can go on to win your day. Remember, what do you want? If you don't know what you want nothing else matters.

    This morning, we listened to Impact Theory's "What Makes A Real Man?" with Lewis Howes, host of The School of Greatness Podcast. Where he and Tom go over what it means to be masculine. In his book, "Mask of Masculinity" he asks this very question and then gets vulnerable and breaks it down. Whether it’s the jock, the playboy, or the fighter, Lewis breaks down the different masks that men (and women) unknowingly wear to hide their authentic selves. They discuss masculinity, vulnerability, and authenticity and overcoming the fear of being perfect. Lewis talks about using masks to our advantage and knowing when it’s time to take it off, he describes practical steps that you can use to identify and remove masks in your life. I can personally say that this book has been a great learning tool and an eye-opener for my husband and myself as he has been reading it and then talking to me about what he has learned, as he goes. Some great takeaway quotes from this interview were: “The things I do are pretty simple; I just do them over and over again.” and “The more I do the uncomfortable, it becomes comfortable.” My brother's wife decided to wake up early enough to join us on our walk, she ran ahead of us thankfully, so we didn't have to talk to her, we did our own thing. There were a few triggers there for me, this opened up another discussion about this topic for us as we finished up our walk.

    In the afternoon, we took our kids to a fun attraction, my brother promised to take them out but has now lied about it for two years straight, sigh - so we made sure they had a blast. We had a nice lunch too. Then we got home, our house pests were on their way out for the day, yeah!! we have the evening to ourselves, woot woot.

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: I felt confident in my wonder woman shirt today.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    GRATITUDE



    ---------------------------------------------------
    [​IMG]
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 |

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
  14. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 535: 7/18/2019

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Recovery.
    3) Morning Walk.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, we didn't have an opportunity to talk because as soon as we put the little one to bed, our house pests came home from their day out (much earlier then we expected them) and decided to stay in the living room. We turned on a comedy special and watched that until bedtime. Good thing we spoke in the morning at least.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Why Your Story Is Your Power”, in this episode, Dean Graziosi talks with us about why your story is your power. Remember, if you continue telling yourself the same sad story, you'll continue living the same sad life.

    This morning, we listened to and enjoyed "Be Your Own Hero" an interview with Maisie Williams, on School of Greatness with Lewis Howes. Maisie, known for playing Arya Stark in Game of Thrones (whom we loved!! on the show). As with most people, she kept up appearances, as she reveals in this interview because she lets us in by getting vulnerable with Lewis. She was at the height of her fame and success but felt worthless. She realized that there wasn’t anything outside of herself that could make her happy. She had to find her self-worth from the inside. She discusses that through her struggles she learned that the relationship you have with yourself is the most important - if you’re constantly putting yourself down and judging yourself, eventually you’re going to self-destruct. Anxiety is the worst, when we feel anxious, we feel like a fraud, we might even feel like we don’t deserve it, but once you get to the root of those feelings, you can heal the judgments you have of yourself, how to be there for someone who is struggling, how apologizing for things in your past can help you move forward, why you need to slow down when you’re struggling with mental health. She also talks about her new startup "Daisie", whose purpose is to bring creators together and support them to do amazing work. Daisie is where people find their people, get inspired, and make real progress together. It's a new route into the creative world; through connections made organically and the natural development of skills. It was a great interview, we learned a whole new side of one of our favorite actors.

    My dad had to have another surgery today, this makes me a nervous wreck for the day based on past experiences. However, instead of making life a little calmer, the house pests who don't give two shits about anyone but themselves, well my brother's wife in particular thought it would be a fantastic idea to get our little excited with the thought that we were going to go somewhere fun today - when I am not in any mood for that and I need to be in the area in case of any issues, so I can get to the ER asap. Not to mention her snotty little jokes, sarcasm and remarks the whole time, she needs a good smack upside the head. Because of her big mouth, for a few hours, our little one had that idea planted in her head, while the diva pranced around "deciding" what she really wanted to do, going back and forth, for over an hour. Anyhow, they finally decided to go to an Aquarium about an hour away, reluctantly we entrusted them with our two kids, now both Wade and I are feeling off and on edge about letting our kids go with those two jackals. So much uncalled for stress roaming around in my brain today, I wish she would have just kept her big ass mouth shut and went shopping in the City, as she planned. Now, we are waiting for them to get home with our kids in one piece and for my mom to call me when my dad is post-op.

    What sucks is... we probably won't be able to have our talk tonight either because of them, sigh.

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: I didn't have a complete nervous breakdown, yet.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    What Makes A Real Man?



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    ---------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 |

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
  15. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 536: 7/19/2019

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Recovery.
    3) Alone time.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, we had family dinner with an additional two seats, my brother and his wife joined us. As nerve-wracking as the evening was for me, between my dad's surgery and them taking our kids out (for the first time both with my brother and being out without Wade or myself present), towards the end, everything turned out okay. My mom called and said the surgery turned out okay and my dad was recovery and my kids were returned in one piece and they had a good time, lessons were also learned by the house pests! that having to actually look after children when out, is not the same as when you are out with them and their parents are there to watch them too, so you can actually do whatever you want, worry-free. I told Wade, thank you yesterday, that he was my rock, he seemed a little confused because he didn't think he did much, but to me, I believe he did a lot. He knew my nerves were shot, I had other pains too, as much physical pain as he was in himself, he let me watch some TV, take a nap, relax, get some work done - all while running around, preparing a delicious dinner for the whole family, setting out the table, etc., I really appreciated that, a whole lot. He cooked one of my favorite dishes and got rave reviews from every single person at the table, the queen diva herself had THREE servings, sheesh, like leave some leftovers for me. Then we spoke a little bit about our day, we didn't have much to catch up on, then went inside and I asked him for a foot rub because for some reason my feet have been hurting and he didn't flinch, nothing like how it used to be back in the day.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “How Having a Clear Vision Simplifies Your Life”, in this episode, Dr. Myles Munroe talks about how having a clear vision for your life helps you achieve your goals. Remember, don't let the limitations of others limit your vision.

    This morning, we listened to and enjoyed "Sex and Love, Lust and Infidelity" an interview with Wednesday Martin, on School of Greatness with Lewis Howes. Martin is a feminist cultural critic, New York Times Bestselling Author and social researcher. Wednesday says that we should avoid “service sex” where you’re only performing to make your partner happy. You need to know that your needs deserve to be met, too, and they can be with a little work from both partners. Having a healthy sexual relationship is important, but as Wade and I both know all too well, it can not be achieved without complete and utter honesty and vulnerability in and out of the bedroom. Before we had that, my true satisfaction always took a back seat. She goes into a simple, kind of obvious theory, that people in open relationships have less jealousy than those in monogamous relationships... well yeah, duh. You're pretty much friends with benefits, both partners have an understanding that they can be with other people, therefore - what's there to be jealous about? when you are in a monogamous relationship, where the understanding is that both are committed to each other, then one cheats/betrays you, jealousy takes over because the partner will always feel that the one who cheated did it, because they were not enough. Overall it was a good podcast, opened up a lot of conversation for Wade and myself.

    With the little one at daycare, the older one at my parents, the house pests out for the day... Wade and I finally have some quiet time. He has the opportunity to take a nap and I can write here and catch up on some of my shows, what a relief. I don't know what time they'll be home tonight, but I'm hoping it's after 10 pm, so Wade and I have some more alone time and silence.

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: Few days out from the wash, my hair is still looking fly.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    CREATE VISION



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    ---------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 |

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
  16. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 537: 7/20/2019

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Recovery.
    3) Morning Podcast.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, we spoke for a little bit out on the balcony, but due to the unreal heat/humidity, we went inside rather quickly. We decided to make it a movie night and watched "Alita: Battle Angel". It was a good movie, it kind of had a weird "unfinished business" type of ending though, so I hope they plan on a sequel. Our house pests got home late, which was great for us, we had extra hours of silence, by the time they got home, they were tired and headed straight to bed, giving us the night to ourselves.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Stop Trying To Control And Just Let Your Life Unfold”, in this episode, Dr. Wayne Dyer talks with us about how to stop trying to control and just let your life unfold. Remember, let every situation be what it is instead of what you think it should be.

    This morning, we listened to and enjoyed "The 2 Most Important Skills For the Rest Of Your Life" an interview with Yuval Noah Harari, on Impact Theory with Tom Bilyeu. Yuval Noah Harari is a New York Times bestselling author whose referred to as one of the most profound thinkers of our time. They discuss how we can hack humans and manipulate their desires, how algorithms will learn to understand you better than you understand yourself (and why you could be replaced by one), how to take control of the story you tell yourself and why you need to stop thinking of your life as a movie, why we’re heading into the direction of immortality and the future is just a series of massive disruptions, why you need to continuously reinvent yourself and why Yuval believes that science fiction is the most important artistic genre. A great quote from this interview was, “People are usually afraid of change because they fear the unknown. But the single greatest constant of history is that everything changes.”

    It was another scorcher today, so we took the kids to the mall for some airconditioned indoor play. Both girls did some VR too, it was the little ones first time, she loved her ride through the Universal Studios toon lot, while the older one had a blast fending off a T-Rex! there were a lot of people there, it was overwhelming, Wade said he had some slips and I definitely had some triggers. It was not easy to ground myself, because my older one joined me on my walk, which was not calming and complicated my walk and triggers. In any event, I managed as best as I could.

    I listened to my book a bit more, man I love Brené Brown, so much wisdom. Some great takeaway's: "After a while, the mere anticipation of these feelings (fear, insecurity, pain) can trigger a sense of intolerable vulnerability, we know what's coming, for many of us, the first response is not to lean into the discomfort and feel our way through, but to make it goes away, we do that by numbing the pain with whatever provides the quickest relief, we can take the edge off emotional pain with a whole bunch of stuff including alcohol, drugs, food, sex, relationships, money, work, caretaking, gambling, affairs, religion, chaos, shopping, etc." - "But no matter what we use, we can't selectively numb emotions, when we numb the dark, we also numb the light. When taking the edge off with a couple of glasses of red wine becomes a routine our experiences of joy and love and trust, will become duller too. With less positive emotion in our lives, we are drawn to numbing. It's a vicious cycle and the viciousness is as likely to be unleashed at a fancy wine tasting party as it is with a 40, wrapped in a brown paper bag. If we numb compulsively and chronically, it's addiction." and this one really hits home, because it was my ailment for so long, my body... for always bottling up... "We just continue to amass hurt, until the wises parts of us, our bodies, decide - that enough is enough. The bodies message is always clear. Shut down the stockpiling or I'll shut you down. The body wins, every time. In hundreds of interviews, people have recounted how they just kept everything inside until they couldn't sleep, or eat, or they became so anxious that they couldn't focus at work or grew too depressed to do anything but stay in bed."

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: Love the color blend of top and bottom today.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    The 2 Most Important Skills For the Rest Of Your Life



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    ---------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 |

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
  17. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 538: 7/21/2019

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Recovery.
    3) Driving to the Airport.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, we did not have any alone time to talk, our house pests came home early and were around most of the evening. It wasn't actually too bad, somehow we found some topics of interest and had a decent conversation, even with his wife. Then they headed to bed and we stayed up a little longer, watched TV and then went to bed. We both agreed that things have been pretty decent between us, that makes me nervous lol usually when things are like that, inevitably, shit ends up hitting the fan.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “You Are Who You Surround Yourself With, Choose Well”, in this episode, our friends at the Art of Improvement remind us that you are who you surround yourself with. Remember, you are a product of your environment. Be sure to surround yourself with the best of everything. Including people.

    This morning, we started listening "What 300 Dirty Jobs Taught Him About True Success" an interview with Mike Rowe, on The School of Greatness with Lewis Howes. It's one of his longer interviews, so it will take us a few days to finish, given our schedule. Mike Rowe is a TV host, writer, narrator, producer, actor, and spokesman. His performing career began in 1984 when he faked his way into the Baltimore Opera to get his union card and meet girls, both of which he accomplished during a performance of Rigoletto. His transition to television occurred in 1990 when to settle a bet he auditioned for the QVC Shopping Channel and was promptly hired after talking about a pencil for nearly eight minutes. There, he worked the graveyard shift for three years, until he was ultimately fired for making fun of products and belittling viewers. During this interview so far, Lewis asked about Mike's insight on the success and happiness that blue-collar workers experience and why. He also asked what Mike is investing in, where he sees the future of education going, and why people seem to trust him so much. He really has a lot of good insight, lessons, life stories to share.

    Overall today was a super hot, but easy day. We drove our house pests to the airport (yessssssssss!). Afterward, we ran some errands, got some food to bring home and there were some minor triggers out and about, due to the weather of course. However, it wasn't too bad though. It feels like 110 degrees, so we decided to just stay indoors, I'm surprised our AC hasn't given out yet.


    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: The joy I felt, waving goodbye to my brother and his wife, as they made their way into the airport to fly back home.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    You Are The Average Of The Five People You Spend The Most Time With



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    ---------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 |

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
  18. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 539: 7/22/2019

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Recovery.
    3) Morning Walk.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, we had a minor incident, I won't go into too much detail because it's TMI, but let's just say it's something he claims to not care much about, but he knows I do and still overstepped. He saw something that can not be unseen, whatever he says, I think it affects a lot. He of course apologized and explained multiple times that to him it's no big deal, but he understands that to me it is, however, I do not think he really understands-understands why it effects me so much, he ended up opening up a can of mental worms for me (I guess it can be called a trigger, based on the onslaught on history and feelings that were brought up). I tried to push it aside, but I should know by now, that just does not work well. I was tired and my feet were aching so bad from that morning, I was ready to stop talking, watch some TV and head to bed.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “How To Reprogram Your Mind”, in this episode, Brendon Burchard talks about how to reprogram your mind to have more empowering thoughts. Remember, your mind drinks up whatever you pour into it. Pour hope. Pour truth. Pour love. Pour happiness.

    This morning, Wade had a doctors appointment. I listened to "Experiencing Trauma Symptoms From Your Relationship" a video by Kristin Snowden, a licensed marriage and family therapist in California and has extensive experience working in the field of intimacy and addiction disorders. The first 20 minutes are educational, the rest of the video is a question and answer session featuring her and Scott Brassart of Sex and Relationship Healing. They explain various trauma symptoms from the stress and crisis of your relationship and how it can and in many cases does affect all aspects of your life. As many SO's on here know, it is important to educate yourself (and the PA too) on the symptoms and treatment of betrayal trauma. Some of the symptoms she mentions (and I know I've experienced) - anything that overwhelms your nervous system, a trigger/something that catches you off guard, something you don’t feel prepared for nor know how to handle, it can make you feel scared or helpless, it can make you feel shameful. There are plenty of times where you experience moments when you’re not sure you will make it through the event, the PTSD is so bad that you feel like there is a real-time threat. Wade made it home early enough for us to still walk together, so we did. We discussed the issue the occurred last night, he was full of sorries but I could tell that he didn't really understand the gravity of what the issue was for me. I felt I had to really explain it to him in detail, especially after the video I had watched earlier, so that's what I did during our walk and I hope he finally understands exactly where I am coming from, why I feel and see it this way. The second round I walked alone because his hip hurt, I listened to my Brene Brown book for the duration of my walk.

    Later, we all had our dentist appointment, then the rest of the evening was pretty much laid back.

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: That I didn't gain 600lbs during my house pests visit, even though I was eating bad and off track.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    How To Reprogram Your Mind



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    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 |

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
  19. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 540: 7/23/2019

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Recovery.
    3) Alone time.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, we went out on the balcony, thankfully we got a reprieve from the brutal heatwave of the last few days, but now there's rain lol but whatever. We spoke about the issue of the day, in more detail. Of course, he told me how he feels, that none of what he saw makes any difference to him in how he sees me, finds me desirable, attractive, etc., but I explained to him my perspective and why it is difficult to see it any other way, no matter how much I want to see it his way, myself.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “Today We Get Some Life Changing Advice”, in this episode, we get life-changing advice from Mel Robbins. Remember, just because the past didn't turn out the way you wanted it to doesn't mean your future can't be better then you've ever imagined.

    This morning, Wade dropped off our little one at daycare and then had to take my parents on an errand. He really is helpful and does so much without any complaints, I appreciate that - what he does for us all and just him so much. It was raining pretty hard all morning, so I could not walk outside, so I waited for them to get back, once they were back we went to the mall to walk. On the way there (and for most of our walk) we continued listening to "What 300 Dirty Jobs Taught Him About True Success" an interview with Mike Rowe, on The School of Greatness with Lewis Howes. Mike Rowe is full of so much wisdom, to be honest, I am quite shocked, I always took him as a sensationalist reality TV star, but he is the complete opposite and I have a newfound respect for him. One of the best takeaway quotes for me, from this interview, was "All problems are communication problems", and I could not agree more.

    Due to the gloomy weather, I was quite sleepy and decided to get some sleep... however we got intimate when we laid down and I enjoyed it for sure, however, that woke me right up and there was no way I would be able to fall back asleep, so I got up and went to watch tv as he slept until we needed to go pick up our little one. I was a bit bitter, even though I had time to myself and was able to do my own stuff. Wade has only one week home, left, he told me yesterday, well more like 'proclaimed' that he wants to make the best of it. However, today, I felt like we just wasted money on sending the little one to daycare, because I could have let him nap with her at home, like what was the point, if we weren't going to actually spend time together, alone (and no, not sleeping). Anyway, I hopped in the shower and began washing my hair, midway through the door pops open, he finally woke up. I told him I wanted to finish washing my hair myself, so he left. When I got out he asked if everything was alright and at first, I didn't want to tell him, I said everything is fine, but he followed me and I told him how I was feeling. He began going into shame and breathing heavily. After I was done explaining and after his initial reaction, I began regretting telling him, which I said to him and he said he is still happy I did. Long story short, we spent the car ride to pick up our little one, talking about this, also him reflecting on the many years of loneliness and feeling ignored/unwanted I've endured and how he feels like a fool for wasting so many years being, blind I guess or hurting me? from what I understood. He told me that he wishes that I could truly see how much he wants and desires me, more than anyone else at this point, that he has never felt this way about anyone... and as much as I want to believe that... I just don't, I can't, because I don't feel it in my gut and I want nothing more than that. I want to feel wanted and desired, more than anything in this world, it was what propelled me into changing and finally putting my foot down and saying enough was enough, of course, I wish for this feeling to happen with Wade, but I don't know if it is possible with him. That's what scares me, he has faith that 'one day' it will happen, but I'm afraid that after so much damage, it is so deeply rooted, it is impenetrable/irreparable, I hope I am wrong but I just don't know.

    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: Got quite a bit done for me, caught up on shows, did my hair, etc.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    5 Pieces of Life-Changing ADVICE from Mel Robbins



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    [​IMG]
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 |

    ---------------------------------------------------
     
  20. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    DAY 541: 7/24/2019

    DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
    Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
    Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
    Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.


    3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
    1) Self-care.
    2) Recovery.
    3) Morning Walk.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    Last night, we discussed some of the same subjects of recent days and the events of the day, so I won't go into it again. He also gave me a lovely back and foot rub, can't complain, I just love them, they provide so much relief for my pain. We watched some TV before heading to bed, where more occurred and then after some fun, we went to sleep.

    Today on the 7 Good Minutes podcast I listened to “To Be Your Best Self Just Be Yourself”, in this episode, Tony Robbins reminds us that in order to be your best self all you have to do is just be yourself. Remember, first, know thy self, then, be thy self.

    This morning, we started listening to "How the Food Industry is Feeding you Lies" an interview with Vani Hari, on The School of Greatness with Lewis Howes. Vani Hari aka “The Food Babe” is a New York Times best-selling author, blogger, and activist. She investigates what is really in our food, how is it grown and what chemicals are used in its production. Companies such as Chick-fil-A and Kraft have changed their ingredients based on her campaigns. Vani says that we need to know all the ingredients in our food, we need to know if they’re nutritious, and we need to know where they come from. Something crazy she talks about is how Europe's regulations on what's okay or not okay to put in food is a lot more strict than the US, so they have to go the healthier route there, modifying their products in order to sell there. However, in the US they can continue to poison the public because our government is a whole lot more lax (thanks to special interests and lobbyists) so they continue to put dye's, nutritional substitutes, and other cost-cutting options and then selling it to us as "food" and we gobble it up and then end up funding their sister company - the drug industry, with a whole host of health issues. One of the crazies examples she gives was McDonalds French Fries. Here's an excerpt from the interview: "McDonald's french fries here in the United States, they're made with a slew of different chemicals, one of the chemicals is Dimethyl Poli Siloxane; it's the same ingredient found in silly putty, well it's also an ingredient that is preserved with formaldehyde in an ingredient that the FDA has not truly even studied or approved to be in our food system ...it's generally regarded as "safe" but the ingredient itself is actually deemed safe by the food industry themselves, not the FDA so there's this underlying assumption that is our ingredients are being like managed and safety tested by the government, but the FDA doesn't have any of the mechanisms to do that so they rely on the food industry themselves to say hey this stuff's okay. Now, in Europe they have different standards they say you need to prove this stuff safe before you put it in your food, so, in Europe when you look at McDonald's french fries they use basic ingredients, potatoes, oil and dextrose which is just sugar and then you can add the salt after you fry it. So you can actually determine how much salt you have on McDonald's french fries in Europe. Here in the United States, it's a totally different scenario and I think one of the most unethical behaviors... big food manufacturers especially American food manufacturers change their products overseas to meet regulations and do not change them here". We are excited to finish this interview tomorrow morning.

    A little later, the guy I was meeting up with and talking to last summer, the first person I opened up to about Wade's PA and our issues in the real world, met up with us and we talked for about an hour. At first, it was the casual stuff and then we went into the deeper more thought-provoking stuff, he is a counselor/therapist by trade, so his input is interesting. I won't go into the details of our discussion but it did give me quite a bit to think about, he had a lot of good points to consider, even if I'm still a bit set on my own terms based on my years of trauma I guess, however, I am willing to listen, receive and maybe adapt some information. This is the second time that Wade and I have talked about these issues, to a third party, together - as a team. I have to say it is an interesting dynamic for me and I am pretty sure it is for the third party - if not plain ole' confusing altogether lol. Usually, you have one part of the couple bitching to the third party, about their other half, here we have an open, honest dialogue about how we feel, much like we do with each other, without any sugar-coating or holding back, speaking freely about each other, etc. We are doing it respectfully and the third party is apart of the conversation and not there to just serve as a referee. The whole exchange, as a team/couple, it feels good and due to the openness factor, it does not feel like having a 'secret conversation' behind someone's back or you are talking smack about your partner to someone else, to then go out on a double date and everyone is all smiles (FAKE!). I guess we are just in such a different place these days, that we know we have nothing to hide, nothing we can't stay to each other -- so, we don't feel the need to bitch or complain to anyone else, behind the other's back, because if we have a problem, we no longer hold onto it, we just tell the other, straight up.


    What I liked about myself, today:
    (I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
    :emoji_two_hearts: Opening up to someone again, with Wade, having an open conversation about our situation.:emoji_ok_hand:

    #Motivational
    BE YOURSELF



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    Recovery Setback Dates | Inconsistencies or Lies
    5/25/18 | 6/08/18 | 8/18/18 | 9/19/18 | 1/09/19
    1/19/19 | 1/21/19 | 1/24/19 | 1/27/19 | 2/08/19
    4/27/19 | 6/13/19 | 7/06/19 |

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    hope4healing and Wade W. Wilson like this.

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