Ive stopped for now. I want my relationship to be better

Hey everyone,
Havent posted in here in awhile things personally feel like im improving myself from where i was and my biggest motivation has always been my SO but now it feels like she is at her last bit with me. I masturbated awhile ago and lied to her about it because i told myself that it would be made a bigger deal than what it actually was. Thats my fault for letting me think i have some control over myself and also still lying to her. Nothing i say means much to her anymore because she cant believe it because the stipulation has been for awhile now "even if you did something you wouldn't tell me" and by all means everytime before now it has been like that and i feel like i should do something just so i could tell her about it, but i also don't want to give into anything that i really don't have control over. Have any of you been in a place like this with your relationship. Because since we have been together my problems have been translated as "i know better" or "its not that big of a deal" and even now she feels unlistened to and minimized. Shes sleeping on the couch and the only reason i can think of her staying right now is because she has nowhere else to go. The only other worst part is that normally i would justify this loneliness and saddness as an excuse to go masturbate but i dont want to turn to that it just feels like such a shitty habit to give into and just not worth it. Any feedback would be great.
Thanks.