I've relapsed and I'm glad it happened

Hello there fellow fapstronauts!

Short version of the story: after completing 40/90 days of noFap i went through a shitty period in my life and i watched porn again ( fapping 8 times in 2 days) and i realized how bad this s*** actually is.

During the years i kept wondering if masturbation is a good thing or not, reading numerous articles saying its healthy/its natural and there should be nothing wrong about it and i eventually fell for it and ended up doing it at least once a day. My life has been shitty however for the last years: depression, anxiety, mood changes from hour to hour, i was an irritable person, lazy etc, I think you got the idea.

As 2019 came I decided that i want to make changes in my life, so I did: went to gym regularly, started eating healthier, stopped playing video games 6h a day, started going out as often as possible and so on and i couldn't help but wonder if masturbation has a bad effect or not after all. I did my research again, this time focusing on what guys who are against masturbation have to say and I was shocked.

Now that i was thinking a little bit more clearly than I did before, I realized how much it described my situation: I felt constantly tired, mood swings, terrible anxiety and so on, problems I still had no idea how to fix...until then. If there was even a microscopic chance that masturbation is the cause of all of that I was ready to give it a try. There I started, for 90 days no porn challenge.

It was the longest period I went through without doing it. After 3 weeks in I felt very proud that i could keep going for so long, but I didn't feel much of a change. 40 days, s*** happens, fails, wonders if it was even worth it. The first day after my fabulous fapstreak I felt like absolute hell. I skipped gym, eat a lot of junk food, cancelled all my plans for the next week, and i felt like getting out of the bed in the morning was pure torture. If masturbation or the temporary depression caused this, I cant tell, but i can tell one thing for certain: I didn't fap for the next week and that week was horrible.

I was no longer sad because of what happened, I actually dealt with the problem, and got back into my normal lifestyle. Despite that life felt meaningless and I wasn't able to do any progress. I felt sleepy constantly, I was in mood for nothing but sitting on the couch and anxiety was kicking my a** as I was afraid to even call a doctor to make an appointment, something that wasn't really a problem before. It was at this point that i realized, my life was just as it was before I started noFap.

40 days have passed and I didn't notice any change, because it happened so slowly. I was waking up with more energy, I was more social, doing more work and so on. That week I just mentioned, I was none of that. Now 2 weeks have passed without fapping and i feel good again, not as good as on day 40 but much better. I'm giving the 90 challenge another try, more motivated than ever.

The reason I'm glad it happened is because it made me realize that masturbation is actually a bad thing. "Fapping is alright" - best joke of this century. I posted this here to clean up my mind and hope that I can help fellow fapstronauts achieve their goal. I hope I didn't bore you with too much text, I hope you all have a great time !

 

Thanks mate,
apart from the 2 days of fapstreak i usually got 7-8h of sleep daily, but the quality of sleep was different after I masturbated: I was waking up in the middle of the night, had to go to the toilet at least once, found it difficult falling asleep agian, while during the 40 streak I was sleeping like a baby 7-8h straight, many times even waking up rested 5-10 minutes before the alarm, now my sleep is almost back to how it was before and it feels awesome agian!

 

Thanks for the encouragements guys!