I've come to a really important realisation

Hey guys I just want to share something and get things off my chest. I realise the way I'm feeling now is due to:
Me looking for escape behaviours constantly -creating anxiety because this isn't being fulfilled
I'm super urgent all the time in my actions, I can't rest.
I zone out when I hear loud sound or there's movement.
I'm not doing things mindfully,
This is very worrying because every other moment I forget these things and they're the key to my recovery.
Old escape and resting behaviours have gone.
I feel 100% on auto pilot
Even looking around, so much as a movement of my head makes me forget
I have to try so hard to retain anything from daily activities.
When I do something I focus I. The should of the outcome, I take my brain up a gear that is not even mindful

I feel gone, but I KNOW mindfulness is the solution, as it's got me to typing this.

It's hard to come back when you fully gave up before...I just pray that I can maintain some degree of awareness throughout the day it would mean the world.

I've been abstinent for 6 months this year, it's really helping!

This is my brain fog lifting

I wish you readers the greatest successes, thank you