It's difficult to find friends (real friends)

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Captain Rex, Mar 3, 2018.

  1. Captain Rex

    Captain Rex Fapstronaut

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    Captain Rex reporting. Right now, I have no friends, at least not real ones. I had a real friend, but now, he hangs out with the toxic idiots and it's not the same anymore. I don't know what to do at this point. I don't wanna sit alone at school anymore but I don't know how to find good friends. I'm tired of hanging out with toxic, unsupportive losers who just serve as a negative distraction to me. Got any ideas on what I should do? Captain Rex out.
     
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  2. Jungler

    Jungler Fapstronaut

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    Man, I can relate. And it surely sucks to have no friends to hangout with for a beer orand something else. There have been many times where I spent more days at home than outside.
    It all comes down to taking initiatives in hobbies and projects where there's plenty of social interactions, and it's obvious that at some point in partaking something for your own good you're going to get to know the crew of your local gym or co-workers.
    Don't get confused, I know you didn't ask for getting to know people, but you're following the same guidelines to find real friends - sounds trivial, but there's some truth in there.
     
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  3. Imnatty7

    Imnatty7 Fapstronaut

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    Like you I had really good friends (like 10 years friends) but not anymore cause they became toxic for my developpement and guess what the same day I stopped talking to them I started going to the gym 5 times a week and started reading book everyday, its not a coincidence, someone said you are either growing or dying and let me tell you if you have to rely on others to be happy you're gonna die quick, I don't know how old you are but with age you're going to have less and less friends so you should get used to it and toughen up cause you're going to have bigger problems than not having real friends, since you have so much time to yourself try to use it well and invest in yourself, get new hobbies, try meditation, learn a new instrument, work on your job/ at school, try to be the best in something, there's so much to do and never enough, NEVER run after real friends they will come to you and gravitate toward you as a result of the new personna you're gonna create by learning new things and going thru new experiences
    good luck ! :)
     
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  4. Minsc

    Minsc Fapstronaut

    While I'm not sure this will work, one thing I'm attempting to do is cast aside the image of "friend" I had built up from my younger days. This image was born from the various forms of media I consumed over the years. In a sense I'd call it a form of detox, moving away from trying to act a character.

    What brings people together won't keep them together. People come and people go.
     
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  5. Runtilmylegsdropoff

    Runtilmylegsdropoff Fapstronaut

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    You find out who your real friends are when it's moving day.
     
  6. Captain Rex

    Captain Rex Fapstronaut

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    I'm 15 years old btw. I already have hobbies to begin with. I do meditation, exercise, reading, etc. I also play the trumpet and I have so for a few years now. So yeah, I do have hobbies, it's just difficult to find real, genuine friends nowadays thanks to PMO and other drugs.
     
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  7. dundleup

    dundleup Fapstronaut

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    If it makes you feel better, make a list of the little interactions you have every day before you go to bed. Even if it doesn't count as deep friendship, this is where friendship starts and reminding yourself that you have contact with people every day might make you feel little better about being lonely.
     
  8. Mr.Imperfect

    Mr.Imperfect Fapstronaut

    Hello Captain,

    If it was so easy to find real friends, we wouldn't have to seek out for them so desperately. Just try to increase your search a little more, see if you can meet up with more people and I'm sure you will find some whom you will value intensely and vice-versa. Till then, you always have the best company with you....YOURSELF...see what great things you can do with that.... :)


    All the best,
    Mr. Imperfect
     
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  9. Peyton1995

    Peyton1995 Fapstronaut

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    i Know you’re looking for a more immediate answer but unfortunately I don’t have one. I kinda went through something similar and high school sucked. Just kinda pushed through it. Though I will suggest going out of state for college when you graduate so you can meet new people and leave your old self behind. I didn’t do that and my reputation from high school followed me to college and it’s a huge regret
     
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  10. WackinWolf

    WackinWolf Fapstronaut

    Oh captain, my captain, I can almost relate to your situation. I only have 1 good friend and he will nearly be graduating college soon, as soon as he is done he will move to San Francisco and I'm not sure what I will do with myself once he's gone. There is an app on my phone that I haven't used yet called Meetup where people will, like the name states, meet up and do various activities that they love. I believe this would be a good way to make friends however I am a seriously shy and introverted person and I keep giving it second thoughts, perhaps you can use this app to find wonderful, kind, and motivational friends. This makes think back to something I heard a long time ago which is...
    We will meet 3 types of friends in our life.
    Friends for a reason.
    Friends for a season.
    Friends for a lifetime.
    Fortunately for me the friend I mentioned earlier is a lifetime friend, we had traveled countries together and through those locations we developed a strong, humorous bond. I believe in time you will find your lifetime friends as I will hopefully find more. Keep on keeping on and also remember the quote from Shawshank Redemption too, "Get busy living...or get busy dying."
     
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  11. The last friends I had were from high school. I had to distance myself from them because they were going downhill.
    Now I'm looking for people who take personal growth serious. I think if you can surround yourself with friends like that it would be beneficial for everyone.
     
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  12. Very good idea.
     
  13. JoeinMD

    JoeinMD Fapstronaut

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    Put yourself out there...be a friend, be generous and loving in this world, without the expectation of return. It is then that you'll find friends - when you're not even looking for them. The same is true with a life partner, perhaps; be the best you can be as a single person - embrace, even, the single vocation as your way of life, embrace it with love and give your love outward to others. This will lead to whatever is meant to be and unfold in your life. Be happy and thankful now...and happiness and fulfillment will always stream back to you.

    "Where there is no love, put love, and thereby draw out love," St. John of the Cross.
     
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  14. Legion7

    Legion7 Fapstronaut

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    You'll find real friends in time. At 15, feelings are fickle. After military service, and 25 years working for the state I had 4 friends of over 20 years. One of them met a toxic woman and married her. I am 50 years old and only have 3 friends worth my time. But they are like brothers to me. Yours will come. Like who you are, first, and remember how young you are. I look back on my high school "friends" and realize they...weren't. Keep the faith. One of my real friends drove 2 states overnight to come help me dig out a Jeep. True blue friends are rarer than diamonds. You'll know when you find them. Just be yourself.
     
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  15. Axel Clint

    Axel Clint Fapstronaut

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    I know how it feels to lose friends to some idiot people. I also lost some good friends who were like brothers to me. Some of them got girlfriends, some went away for education, some just changed with time and some even backstabbed me. I started feeling lonely and depressed. I started searching for real friends, found none. But somewhere i realized that i have started to become dependent on people. For every work i did, i needed someone's help. I had no self identity, had no skills. And the most important thing i realized was that for my happiness also i have to be dependent on people. So i started improving my skills. I started taking little steps, started reading books. My public speaking skills were very poor so i started trying to speak properly. Used to be a skinny guy, joined a Gym. And it was then, when i was in my college where i found my real friends, my brothers. Fortunately one of them was my roommate also. So don't worry, Real friends will come and go. Just be happy and take care of yourself.

    (Sorry for my bad english)
     
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  16. Captain Rex

    Captain Rex Fapstronaut

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    Thanks guys for the advice. I'll start improving myself everyday more and more until I have true friends like I had in Missouri (I lived there for some of my childhood until I moved back to Washington). Hopefully then, will I find what I want, not just a partner, but true, genuine, helpful friends. I shall work towards it now ✊.
     
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  17. Peacemaker270

    Peacemaker270 Fapstronaut

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    I have often had this trouble since high school. I joined the military while still in high school, found some of the best friends there. But they went away once I got out. I have a family and they’re my number one priority. Recently gained new best friends and found them at church. We set church aside and use our common interests like weight lifting and guns to hang out and talk about. I met them through church and know they’re amazing people. I used to hang out with toxic people and it got me nowhere but in trouble.
     
  18. SaltedPeter

    SaltedPeter Fapstronaut

    OP, it not something you are doing wrong thats the first thing, its actually a dramatic way our society is build, why the internet accomplishes allot intimacy is all by gone when using it. Yes you will develop online friends we all do in gaming, chats etc.
    I am a 60's kids ya to many here I am old, I grew up and we went outside internet was where you thru the basketball ( in the net ) but seriously the ability to ride bikes, play outside and develop our social cognitive skills is evaporating. The good news is as the younger crowd gets older that need to have human companionship return. I am going to say one word....... HOBBY
    find like minded people that live near you and share it. Photography is a great way to meet people and like minded people with huge imaginations and thats an example heck even a book reading club helps bind interest. Yes people do meet online and make friends. But we are humans and we have to have human interactions. Being board and Porn are not friends, if porn ate anything for breakfast it would be people that are board. It may not be easy maybe just do something once a week but socializing is something we all need, so its not really friendships we need its human interaction. We are built that way.
     
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