Is what we're doing in the bedroom not helping with recovery?

Hello all! I need advice again. This weekend me and my boyfriend were initimate but no penetration of course and i am wondering if what we do to please me helps at all with his recovery or would it be counted as a trigger?? In more details we like to spice things up in the bedroom since we are not able to have normal sex cause of PIED. so we kind of substitute it with a little bit of fetish type play and the use of toys like hand cuffs and blindfolds, sex toys and it can get really spicy. Almost to the point where it can remind him of the porn he used to watch.

I became concerned when i saw that he got hard when i was doing something not so vanilla and he was turned on by it. I am wondering if doing things like that with him hurt his recovery cause he wasnt able to get hard through normal type of foreplay and him playing with me in a not extreme way. But he was able to get hard on porn type of things. So when he did get hard on it i told him to just try and see if possibly we can have sex but as always it became soft the minute he came close to putting it in. He is pmo free now for almost 2 months now and no relapses either. But not much progress in the sex department. Any advice on this question? Is the type of foreplay and him pleasing me not helping at all with his recovery???

 

I think you don't help him ! Don't be a part of porn in his brain ! Healthy sex life will come after a correct reboot. Doit with him vanilla thinks.Ask him to massage you. Ask him to kiss you.Αbove all, do not be rushed.

 

You should refrain from anything but vanilla until his brain can rewire to being stimulated by normal vanilla. I had a bad habit of getting carried away too bc I liked the response I got but I have reeled it in bc I also felt it was slowing his recovery.