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Is this a typical reaction?

Discussion in 'Partner Support' started by Just me, May 22, 2017.

  1. Just me

    Just me Fapstronaut

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    so I've known about his relapse for about a month and a half. And I felt very angry, upset, shaken, had a hard time eating or sleeping for a while and progressively started feeling better after a few weeks. Then I felt more and more close to ok. Not that I stopped thinking about it but I felt hopeful that I could get back to normal. Within the last week or so I am feeling tremendously depressed and hopeless about the situation. And my husband is being very considerate and thoughtful and going out of his way to do nice gestures for me. I tell myself- there is nothing more I could even think of to ask for him to do- he is being very thoughtful. And I didn't feel like this whole he was being secretive and harming me with porn. feeling this way seems very counterproductive and really unfair to both me and him. But it's the way I feel. And I don't feel like it's getting better but worse today. I just don't know what to do or if this is a normal reaction or what.
     
  2. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    I don't think you are wrong in your feelings.
    If something feels off, it usually is.
    Even if it's going "nice"
    I've seen my fair share of relationships, one of which included a man who would call me (when he was "working late") to say not to wait up, right before he'd leave a bar with someone... Yeah, caught him randomly on a girls night. Whoops.
    Thought he was Sooo considerate.
    Not.

    Flash forward to the future (present)
    & my current SO...
    Relapses are tough.
    The more they happen, the more it's difficult for you to move on each time.
    It's not just the PA set back.
    It's also a setback for your heart. Emotional toll. It's definitely a ride you didn't ask for.
    It takes time to grieve.
    We can't make them magically better, which sucks and if they aren't doing enough for themselves, it's hard on us, that feeling of helplessness.
    You will have good days, bad days and the Inbetween.
    You are normal in my book.
    My SO said "I did this to myself. Me. But I dragged you into my horror story as a victim and I have to let you heal at your pace." (after a fight this last weekend when I blew up over something trivial) he relapsed a month ago after being PM free for almost a year.
    Don't be too hard on yourself.
     
  3. stygian

    stygian Fapstronaut

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    Yes, it's a normal reaction.
     
    Kenzi likes this.
  4. Just me

    Just me Fapstronaut

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    I'm glad to know I'm not crazy. I am starting to feel that way.
     

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