IS sex boring?

I have been with my wife a long time. In our 20's with having kids, yes at times it could be called boring but I would say more like average. As we got into our 30's now it has become much more exciting. My wife has pulled nearly a 180 from how she used to be. Her drive has really increased as it seems happens after 30. Which has a lot to do with me backing off of PMO the last couple yrs but in doing so here I am realizing the damage it has caused.

Boring in comparison...I hate to say that. Different yeah, on many levels. In a sense it might be considered boring by comparison.

 

God no. I always look forward to being with my partner. That's just me, though.

 

Im gonna say about 3 weeks free of P&M. The last time I watched porn was just after Father's day end of last month. After that I hit a bit of a crash with mood and energy and flatline with no libido. I am starting to come out of that and already feeling much better. More confidence, more drive, energy and libido is on the rise.

I will note that this is my 3rd go with nofap. The first was earlier this year, then again sometime after that which didn't last long. I have been cutting back on PMO on my own before I even heard about nofap for the past year or so. But to answer your question, about 3 weeks in with no porn or masturbation.

 

@Sadgirl my heart goes out to you. Some of what you post really reminds me of my SO. You are obviously a very sensitive person. I hope your relationship heals.

As for me and my SO... Our love life needed a course correction; and it was really all my fault. I’ve taken responsibility for it and have had a real emotional shift. I’m very lucky that my SO has seen the shift and has put her faith in me to get better. I hope you have/find faith in your own SO.

PS. I’m only a bit over a month sober.

 

Oh, and to answer the original question, no... not with the right person.

 

As a PA there was more than one occasion I said that sex with my wife was vanilla. The reality was I was feeding my addiction most of the time, and not getting the novelty it craved. Early on we certainly had very adventurous sex, all the time, any where, and with other people. We were very uninhibited, but we also grew older, and more responsible, and became more domesticated.

Sex while in recovery is different. I don’t feel like I have to be a porn star, because I know I am not. Sex doesn’t have to be pounding away for hours on end, because that is not connection. There is more connectedness and ever being present with my partner, than there was before. There isn’t the expectation of an I could enough, or that I have something to prove, or a necessity to have multiple positions to climax. All that Stuff that P trained my brained to think was necessary just isn’t. Sex is never boring after recovery. It is overwhelming and fulfilling.

 

Thinking more about this I feel sex with my wife during PMO felt more like just going through the motions. At times I felt a little self conscious, felt like I was holding back. Enjoying it, yes, plasurable yes but like PMO it sometimes felt there was only one goal in mind.

Whith no PMO, I have much more desire, passion and at times I littlerally feel a "primal" instinct to act upon my urges (with my wife that is). I know she can also tell a difference. Almost like I have more in the tank to offer her a good time when it's not being wasted on PMO. I also feel less inhibted wuth nonPMO. So maybe I need to back track and perhaps adjust what I said. Is sex boring post PMO, not at all. My perception of it compared to the porn I was watching, yes perhaps but not the action of M&O.

 

No problem. I've been free of porn for 116 days (counter is accurate) and I've been free of masturbation for 41 days.

 

I suffer from DE and desensitization so sometimes that would be the case. Or maybe I shouldn't say boring but it gets into a point where I realise I am feeling maybe 10% in PIV, blowjobs and handjobs even worse (her giving me a handjob would feel weird and I would lose my erection almost instantly). Then my brain shuts down, I slowly lose my erection (I don't have an ED so my erection is actually very good but very little sensitiviness) and it takes a while to get it back.

Would appreciate any tips from guys who struggle with this kind of issue or anyone else!

 

I can relate to that as well. I didn't have much ED with my wife with PMO. But yes, blowjobs just never did a lot for me. I thought maybe it was just me, but never made sense as to why I didn't enjoy them as much, the feeling just wasn't as intense as I always imagined it should. I often would prefer a hand job where she could use more pressure. There has been a hand full of times out of all the blowjobs from my wife that have been what I would say were what I expect, and this is no fault to my wife, she was doing her part. I am the one that was missing out.

I think it's just something that takes time to come out of, re-adjust and normalize our sensitivity.

 

When I talked to my girlfriend about my PMO addiction and what could cause my DE, she told me she was sometimes scared because I told her to use more pressure and I just did not feel almost anything. NoFap going great and we will try some intimacy very soon! I really hope I got some sensitivity back cause I haven't touched myself down there for 2 weeks when we meet. I am hopeful, should I be?

 

It does not matter yet you brought it up. Okay, I get it, I should go for 90 days of monk mode. I will keep you posted in a week how I haven't made any progress. Thank you for your "support".

 

Sorry for getting frustrated at you, I guess it's a part of this process. I decided to beat this addiction 17 days ago and I MO relapsed at day 10. My biggest setback was when I looked at porn for maybe 20 seconds and that thought me a lesson. Haven't watched since. Beat the urges, trying to minimize every possible sexual thought. Look, I am EXTREMELY motivated to beat this devil that literally ruined my life until now.

I can't say I meant sex. Actual intimacy. Talking, cuddling, kissing, hugging etc. If doing this or having sex will have a negative effect then I will learn from it. But I am not able to do this without sex. PMO is my enemy. Having sex with a person you're in love with is normal. Am I wrong if I say (done research) THAT IN MANY CASES that could be helpful for my healing process? I am dedicated to abstain from P, M, MO and PMO but not O. Everyone has guided me to only orgasm with my girlfriend. It may cause this "chaser effect" which I've read about but I am willing to test this out. And I have read many success stories from guys suffering from even worse with this approach.

Thank you for your support. I am beating this one day at a time. At the moment I feel amazing and motivated.

 

I think everyone's road and timeline to recovery will be different and even to what level of recovery. A different journey for each if us, but...the main thing is the destination is the same.

You sound like you are in very similar situation as me. Significant other, partner, girlfriend, married...we have someone on that other end and many do. We might just have to see for ourselves how we are healing while to continue life and intamacy, sex, etc together.

But I agree, regardless we are in a long road to recovery. Take your time, talk it out, enjoy whatever time and energy you have together. But yes, do not get too hung up on things nit going as well as hoped or planned. But thats ok, don't beat yourself up. Set goals and go from there. It's part of the process.

 

This is true.

I'd put it this way, @GoodFeeling ... If you look at a mountain from the base of a trailhead and think about each step you would have to take to reach the top of that mountain, you make climbing the mountain that much more difficult. The number of steps becomes daunting in your head. Some people might come to a number of steps and it's so daunting that they decide to just not climb the mountain at all (doesn't sound like you). Still, there are other people who come to a number of steps and decide to go for it anyway, only to become disappointed when they realize that their original guess was a serious underestimation (sounds more like you).

My advice is just to not even think about the number of steps you have to take to reach the top of the mountain. The only step you have to take is the one that you have to do right now. Some steps are easier than others, as the terrain of the mountain shifts. However, as long as you take care and make this current step carefully, you'll be ready to take on the next one.

Similarly, the only day you have to spend focused on your recovery is today. If you don't stay in the present, you'll get blindsided.

Hope that helps

 

I messed up and couldn't resist that dopamine hit. Searched for porn and watched it for ten seconds. I am so disappointed. I feel like this is a huge step back because I used to watch porn (sometimes for hours) when I thought fapping was my problem cause I couldn't cum.

I would stay away from fapping for maybe 2 weeks and keep watching porn and then I was shocked my DE was not cured. I know that was ridicilous but I was uneducated and didn't know about NoFap.