Is my problem even curable? (Foot fetish related)

You can reboot your sexuality brother, you must stay committed and not waver. At any cost don't allow yourself to be exposed for these things anymore. Get yourself busy working on other areas of your life.

 

Step 1 don't call it vanilla sex, if you call it that you'll expect it to be vanilla and subconsiously program yourself to think that its vanilla. Tell yourself its the most colorful and tasteful thing ever! Be very careful about the words you use to describe how you feel, make sure it leads you positively

 

Hey, I have a very similar problem as you bro. I just actually was reading up on my issue on the internet and came across this thread, so I signed up to reply haha.

Im 22 but ever since I remember I've always been aroused by femdom, humiliation, and feet. I later got into watching this stuff as porn and Im pretty sure this just made things worse. I've tried NoFap for a few weeks and think it helped me reduce my desire for fetish fantasies however like you I havent really found the answer to rewiring myself to normal sexuality. I didn't care as much before but now I'm starting to get serious with a girl and I'm concerned about my ability to have normal sex with her, because all I've ever gotten off to is femdom and feet :/

That being said I think I'm going to retry the 90 day challenge! But honestley I know that's not going to be enuff it may help reduce my fetishes but I need to try other strategies to help me become more sexually attracted to just sex. I was thinking maybe slowly over time just allowing myself view pics of nude women without shots of her feet? Or I've even read about strategies of masturbating to whatever attracts you normally (to get u close to orgasm) but prior to you're orgasm thinking about vanilla sex or switching to vanilla pornography? (The theory is your brain will get used to climaxing to vanilla scenes, which could rewire you to like them) Another idea I had is to maybe if its simply the general though of humiliation/domination that arouses me I can adjust myself to be aroused by dominating/humiliating my partner instead...since I find most girls are submissive this could be very helpful.

Anyways these are just ideas, maybe you have some too? And let me know how you're doing with your journey! Im sure we will find a way

Trevor

 

Cam,

Reading thru your posts I have a few questions and a few observations to make.

1-Why do you say that you are BORN with your fetishes? I don't think there is such thing, as the brain was a "clean slate" when you were born. Ok you developed your fetishes at an early age, I get that.

2- Don't call regular sex vanilla (you received that advice already. I guilty of it myself. What is called vanilla is the real deal. You need to learn that this is the thing. You can only go as far as your significat other is willing to go. Don't force or coeerce your partner into doing stuff. That could lead to light psychological abuse (if you love me, you'll do this, you'll wear this, etc...)

3- You must understand that its real hard to find a woman that will make you happy by helping you realizing your fantasies (your fetishes). They want to be the center of attention, not a piece of meat, not a porn actress either. YMMV.

4- Pleasing your partner with oral sex is fun, rewarding and kinky. And it's regular sex. So, this is healthy!!! There is instructional videos on stuff like that, "how to please a woman", but you will most likely MO to it, don't watch that right now. Only when the test subject will be in your life!!!

About me:I have a foot fetish, more particularly a shoe/heels fetish. I have that since my early teens. Also, rubber/pvc/shiny and scuba. The only thing I could envision asking my wife to do would be to wear heels. She knows I love it. The problem is, she knows it's part of my PMO addiction. So, for her, my desire is fueled by prOn. Because I got caught fapping to heels pictures, wifey associates heels to a trigger to get me aroused, but she wants me to be excited by her, not an "accessory". She doesn't want to to be forced to "dress up" to get me horny.

I bought her many pairs of heels that she never wears. Not to hurt me, she just can't do it. I thought she would help me living my fetishes. I got frustrated many times about this, trying ti get her to fulfill me. Big mistake.

Now, I'm trying to reboot/rewire. Heels(stiletos, not platforms)/mary-janes/flats are everywhere. I also dig riding boots (or winter boots variants of the same theme). So I get triggers at the mall, office, on the street, of course on the internet, the weather lady on the news, etc....

I sexualized shoes, what can I say. Now I hope that my wife will eventually wear nice shoes during the act, if I behave, reboot and re-learn that "regular sex" and her body is the center of attention, maybe I'll get a little treat. It will be on her terms.

I fantasized a lot about using sex toys on her. I bought many. They are collecting dust. She never shared my interest. My fantasy was to drive her crazy by using toys on her. Yes I drove her crazy, but not for the same reason. She was telling me all along that toys are impersonal, cold ,too strong, etc. She wanted me, not the toys.

For many years I tried to push my fetishes on her. For many years she told me what she wanted and what she didn't care about. Now, it's time to clear my mind. Fetishes caused my erection to be soft during normal regular sex, because my arousal was weak...

Time to get back to the roots, her body as the center of attention. Love, caresses and massages, not focusing on hardcore stuff,etc...

Happy healing m8!

I want to

 

nice job man, I hope I can end up like you haha

 

Yes it is! Just stay away for some time. Your brain needs to rewire it self. You fetish wont completely go away probably, but it can get smaller in a thing. And you can live with that and you be ok. All you have to do is to trust the process. You have made a statement what you want - believe that your brain has already start to work on it, just embrace the reality, it ll hurt sometime but everything is possible. I know what I am talking about, trust me.

Cheers

 

Hey dude im a current fapstronaut suffering with hocd and porn addiction

But let me tell you there is nothing wrong with a girls feet to have a fetish for them i loved feet before porn! I just used porn to get more of them ! I have been watching feet porn for years and years.. i loved it.. but i did escalate to transgendered person feet and that kinda stuff for a bigger rush... its not your foot fetish its the porn dude my girlfriend loves her feet being licked and toes sucked and that kind of stuff but its in real life dude porn is not real life. So here is what i say have fun with feet in real life not over porn but you should try and reboot and go back to square one

 

Am also having a foot fetish....this fetish developed since I was 7-8 yrs old...I always looked towards feet of every women..I don't know how it developed...and this fetish is still with me...

 

The OP hasn't logged on in 2 months, but anyway, some others contribute to this topic.
@Amit shah , @VeryUnderstanding
Same here, although I'd say more like feet wearing heels and some other shoes. It's with me since I'm a kid. I'm very specific on the type of heels or shoes. Hot or not, nothing in between. I like the toe cleavage and ankles. This is not a requirement for me to have an erection or a sex life. My SO knows about my fetish, but never wanted to contribute. She basically tagged high heels as "porn shoes"..conveniently...so I don't get any love or understanding here. I even bought her a nice pair for x-mas..they are collecting dust. I never requested her to walk with them, only to wear in the bedroom!

Anyway, Being 70+ days into my reboot, I'm PMO free for now. I don't look at P-subs either. I don't focus on women shoes or ladies wearing them right now, cause it's a trigger for me...I'm mourning my fetish.....I would love to have it incorporated in my sex life, but right now its not possible.

 

@Ikindaknew

your comments were an interesting read. I aslo have plenty of fetishes: feet, femdom, peeing, squirting, sex toys, etc. I've found that in my case, they're mostly related to power: either taking power or relinquishing it.

My problem is, these fetishes are so arousing, the promise of them so alluring that I don't think they'll ever go away. My gf is not into peeing, she doesn't squirt, she'd like me to be the one who takes her in the bedroom. But I would LOVE to be submissive to her sometimes, she's just not into it as much as I am. So are there women who ARE into peeing, into all these things? Should I stick with my partner, the most loving and tender being I've ever known, or should I follow my fetishes and explore sexuality for all I hope to experience in it. Yes (apart from my foot fetish), all of these fetishes and fantasies are porn-related. But will they ever really go away? Will I ever know that I've chosen the right path by not giving in to these sexual urges? I have tremendous difficulty undersanding this aspect of myself, I yearn to live the sexual fantasies I've gathered in my head through watching porn.

While I know they're a construct (a sort of defense mechanism that I have to self-medicate in times of distress), they promise so much: I've started connecting these fetishes to intimacy. If a girl would pee in my mouth (or if she drank my pee) that would be the highest form of intimacy and love for me. That's a messed-up situation, but at least it explains why I yearn to live out these fetishes so much. The promise of the sexual life I've always wanted ("always" meaning "since watching porn") makes me want to leave my gf, leave the live I've built with her, basically completely turn my life around just so that I can act out these sexual desires.

As George Collins said, "You can't get enough of what won't satisfy you". So in the end, would these fetishes really satisfy me? Would suckling on toes of a beautiful woman really mean I've reached the pinnacle of my sexual success? I don't think so at all. But still, the power these fetishes have over me is crazy!!! And I guess I wrote my post to express my frustration at my own thoughts and fantasies. They blurr reality and they blurr everything that I have. They turn my attention to the past, in hopes of a sexualized future. What remains in the present is an unconnected couple, me fantasizing about my sexual urges and resenting my gf for not giving them to me (just like a spoiled little boy would), my girlfriend in torment because she feels unloved and not good enough.

Is it right for me to stay in this relationship, when at times I want nothing more than to go to a sex club and get my freak on. And ideally, find the perfect woman who'll satisfy all my desires whenever I'll feel like it (just as porn actresses promise) and there won't be any of the difficult stuff that relationships bring (because hey, if the people on the screen seem to have perfect bodies, sex and lives, why can't I have the same?).

... It's therapeutic to write this, I laugh at my expectations as I go, it's crazy, right!! She pees on me and suddenly all my problems go away. When I know they wont. I do! I have these problems because I wasn't able to take care of myself as a growing boy. I wasn't able to love myself enough. I wasn't able to stand my ground, because my parents didn't teach me any of the important things in life. I had to be decent, not steal, etc. But they didn't do shit to empower me to start living a life of my own (PS-there's the dynamics with power again). I was alone, didn't confide in my parents and didn't really love them either. Because they didn't really know how to love me, so I had no one to learn from what it means to love somebody, unconditionally. So I found solace in porn. And now I want out. And I'm halfway out, but I really have trouble letting go of these fucking fantasies. They haunt me, even. And I love it! Porn was the only thing I knew I could trust. The safest place. Not anymore! But, in all these years of porn-watching, I've built my own concentration camp of torment and suffering. And despite having done so much work on myself in recent years, I still can't get out of my own construct.

And that's why I got a bit ticked when I read that the only way forwars is to mourn my own fetishes. What if these fetishes won't ever go away? What if instead, I should embrace them fully? What answers do these fetishes hold? How do I know which path to take: the one where I find a partner who enjoys these things as much as I do, or do I once again (as I've done for my entire life) renounce my own desires (even though they originated from an unhealthy place) and deny myself the sexual expression my body and mind ache for whenever I feel the need to act out sexually?

Perhaps it's fairer to say that I don't want out of my own construct. Which should be enough of an answer in itself.

Sincerely,
zenman