Is life worth living? Definitely my depression/panic attacks are due to O (from real sex and P).....

I think you should listen to a good psychiatrist. Depression can hit somebody just in some time of life, without apparent reason. I am not sure if stoping to orgasm will give you a good, happy life. Most likely you have some sexual-related problem and avoiding to orgasm is just hiding from problem.

 

Have you had this "on top of the world" feeling before? How about the depression? When you felt on top of the world, were you having trouble sleeping? Engaging in risky behavior? Spending sprees? Stuff like that?

I'm not a psychiatrist but I have schizoaffective bipolar type, and to me it sounds like you might have bipolar disorder. Talk to your psych about it.

 

Most likely your problems cannot be solved for a long time in such easy way, but if you want to risk 2 years of your life, instead of looking for help today then OK.

 

Well nice job writing this, but always remember that doing is more important than saying and you are the only one that can change yourself

 

Okay then, I just wanted to make sure that you will not underestimate problem and neglect other treatments.

 

I agree with you to a huge extent. O whether from porn or real sex only feels good at the moment you reach orgasim. Thereafter, thing become terrible. The question is can a human being life his entire life without O at all?

 

Edging is just as bad as O, that is correct. I'm in your boat Mikey, and know for a fact edging without O, with or without porn, exacerbates the anxiety. But I also know for a fact, edging followed by O is the worst thing you could possibly do in terms of anxiety and depression.
These are definitely dependency issues. I developed agoraphobia and severe anxiety pretty acutely when I quit fapping. Once your brain has used fapping as a crutch, you are almost certain to suffer mental problems at one point or another. The nervous system is so plastic there's no real 'standard' it operates by. It easily adjusts to addictions, until you take away its energy source, being the habit that you've used to wind down: porn, alcoholism, whatever... then you are in for a long run of misery.
There's a lot of skepticism involving the meds you are on but I honestly have to say I was better on them than I am now. If things don't change for me by fall of this year I'm probably going to go back on them just so I could go and find more help for what I'm struggling with. Nervous depression absolutely is no joke. Never would have thought a decade of masturbating and edging could result in such a torment, but it can, especially if your nervous system is of the sensitive type.

 

I don't think your problem is Porn or O
When I abuse it, I know ill be dumbed down to a particular extend. Your brain has become conditioned by the long abuse of the instant gratification thats part of the problem. The other part of the problem is that when you have sex or P,O you brain subconsciously assumes that you failed, that you gone back to the time when you abused it without a second though and somehow there a disagreement in you brain and by that I mean that some thought/ belifes will start a conflict between themselves and has a result you feel like you described. It happens to me and its happening to you, but if you truly belive is ok to have sex and to O your brain will create no conflict with itself and you will face no repercussions just as long has you dont abuse it.
You also contradicted yourself a couple of times in your post, if you have self-confidence you shouldn't feel like your walking on egg shell when your in contact with people. And honesly most people care more about themselves then their opinions of others, there more power you give to them worst you will feel.
There something your not addressing in your head, you should prioritize finding out what it is and fixing the root of your problem instead of seeking a "bandage" I mean girls a new car and cloths will only serve has a bandage to an extent, you feel happy/validated but in the end of the day no material possessions will increase your value has a human being and validation from external sources can have a negative effect on your personal growth.
The only validation you should seek if your own, happiness comes from within and not from external sources.
You only get one shot a life, theres an infinit amount of experiences waiting for you out there, so yes life is worth living and you need to live it
Dont be that old man that is full of regrets on hes deathbed, be the person who had a fulfilled life with no regrets

 

have you done any blood tests to check your testosterone/hormones

 

I respectfully disagree. I'm the same as OP and my addiction was so bad I get kidney stones and a series of acute anxiety and panic attacks just after relapses. Please do not ever underestimate the physiological effects of serious pmo addiction for someone with a sensitive system. Pmo addiction is nature's hardest drug.

 

I do respect your opinion, but porn is just a factor there is alot more you need to take in consideration.
Other factors will be of great influence to the problem like your health/lifestyle (the fact that you talked about kidney stones instantly tells me that something isn't right in your nutrition, thats something should look at.), your family physiological health history (yes, this is important to consider, addiction and other physiological factors in your bloodline will also influence you) , and your upbringing (this.. this is where most of the problems comes from).
And refrain from telling me I don't understand the physiological effects of serious pmo addiction Iv watch porn for over 12 years... Daily and multiple hours per day I know exactly what it does to you and how it twists everything you know and think.


But in the end this was never about me or you or him, this is about sharing and trying to help other improve through what you have learn in your jorney so that we can facilitate each others personal growth and in term become bether and stronger human beings.

Best wishes,

 

My kidney stone issues have been completely resolved by going hard mode mate. I haven't had one in over a year and I had them about every two weeks when I was still masturbating to porn. My nefrologist didn't know what to begin with me after two surgical stone extractions, neither did the endocrinologist. Like you they told me it was probably all down to diet, but it's only when I quit masturbating to porn completely that I discovered the real cause of the extremely painful ailment that had been plaguing me for years: kindling, edging, masturbating to porn and ejaculating frequently, more than my body could handle after I decided to quit and started getting these withdrawal symptoms. Nosebleeds at first. Then came the panic attacks, the acute agoraphobia, the insane stress levels. You'd have to come up with a very good explanation for that one to make me change my mind about the physical withdrawal associated with porn and masturbation addiction.
I don't want to force an opinion down your throat but it absolutely does affect the body, there was a Chinese brother on here, very knowledgeable when it comes to TCM, who said the kidneys are often the first organ that will suffer the consequences of overmasturbation. Coincidentally or not, he had also suffered from generalized anxiety disorder.
I guess you first have to go through something similar to really fully understand. I know where OP is coming from and I absolutely feel him. There is nothing wrong with his thoughts or lifestyle or whatever, this is completely down to actual physical dependency after years of being severely addicted. His body has used the stimulating effects of excessive masturbation as a primary energy source which is why he is completely exhausted right now, down to getting the panic attacks and depression. The only way out really is to see withdrawal through, without a single relapse. That's when meds can be useful I suppose.

Do you think it's merely coincidental that hundreds of young guys on here are struggling with this sort of thing, with guys asking if life's worth living every time they O to P? Is it all in our heads and has porn and masturbation never been too big of a deal? Or are we the living proof that there's more to porn than society has dared to acknowledge?
You know, it's not because porn isn't a substance that it can't have the very same effects on the nervous system as say heroin or cocaine. It will cause neurotransmitter deficiencies and a dysfunction in the autonomic nervous system science has yet to understand. Fortunately, initiatives like YBOP are the first steps in that direction in this matter. I owe a lot to people who are researching porn and recognizing it for what it is, people like Gary Wilson or Judith Reisman. PAWS (post acute withdrawal syndrome) is a phenomenon that is all too real in the case of severe porn addiction, it's what OP and I are suffering from, we are not unique cases in that respect, and you should consider yourself lucky if you managed to escape the consequences of masturbating to porn on a daily basis yourself. Guys like us are not so fortunate because we simply do not have the resilience to handle the imbalances and everything associated with the withdrawal.

There's a spiritual side to porn I won't go into but I think the fact that porn is inherently evil can no longer be denied. The habit lures you in and spits you right back out if you let it. I'll agree with you on that, it's up to us to testify and prevent future generations from even thinking about peeking into the same rabbit hole. Masturbation is not and will never be a healthy sexual expression. And it's not just bad on our side, the audience, too much porn actresses have taken their own lives to hold on to the idea of porn being neutral and merely a factor in psychological issues rather than a cause. Pleasure destroys happiness. That in turn causes depression. Dr. Robert Lustig has written an excellent book on this subject, called the Hacking of the American Mind. The neurotransmitter dopamine, when abused, is capable of exciting neurons to the extent of serotonin receptor malfunction on the cellular level. He even reports neurological die-off.

To conclude, an excellent YT trailer that will tell you everything you really need to know... This is how 'neutral' porn and masturbation addiction really is... Take it from a licensed neurologist. I rest my case.