Introduction - miserable days

Hey guys, good to be here and hoping for some changes. I'm happy to put the work in. So I dunno if my story is unusual or not. I was married several year and before that had long term relationships. I've always been a long term guy and not really had short term relationships. I like to get to know women and learn to love them slowly. Sometimes I've been immediately attracted but more often it's just happened. Anyway, I had some great sex with some, but with my wife it was about OK. She had never had an orgasm before despite other boyfriends and I struggled with that a little over the years. Were were not too compatible I suppose and eventually we grew apart. We broke up at my request and it was fine.

So since then I spend maybe 10 years doing other stuff, finding myself, maybe a bit afraid of another relationship - I thought I had let her down. She really loved me. I wanted to 'sort myself out'. I became fascinated with different religions, Buddhism, psychology and such. I changed a lot and became a better person. Had I been 25 when I got divorced I would have found another relationship I'm sure, within a few years. I tried dating sites but no one attracted me personality wise. I was pretty much put off. I need a strong, funny, super smart and well sorted woman. I think I gave up, became a bit reclusive (tho I have friends, I chose to stay on my own).

Pretty much out of the blue I found myself really attracted to one of my new team members. She ticked all the personality boxes and more. I'm in my late 50s, but in decent nick, and she's 35. I'd been a porn 'addict' since my marriage ended, so maybe 10 years at 3-4 times a week. Pretty vanilla stuff; nothing weird Anyway, to my surprise the feeling was reciprocated. We hung out a lot. Her marriage was breaking up, we spoke about whether I was just a 'transition'. But we got on so, so well. We really clicked like no one else I had known. My wanking had fizzled to the point I could barely get a stiffy. My dick seemed to have shrunk!

I assumed if we ever got things together then the excitement of the connection would sort out any 'wanking boredom' I may have had. BTW, I am also diabetic which apparently can affect erections, but I dunno if it applies to me, I also have higher than average blood pressure. I take medication for both and feel fine. I'm close to my ideal weight too. I get erections during the night and they seem fine.

So, the inevitable happened. We went to a pub quiz, had a great time, got drunk and laughed the whole night. She suddenly turned around a kissed me hard and passionately on the lips. I reciprocated of course! We walked to my place and started to get undressed, kissing, etc. It was really obvious to my there was zero way my pecker was gonna work. It seemed really small and totally no function. It was all a bit embarrassing, more for her I think.

Since then we tried it again; same had fun, got drunk, etc. Zero operation. Things downstairs were bad and seems now even worse. I just cannot get an erection during the day time, only during sleep. I thought it was porn related and went 2-3 months without porn or a wank. No improvement. Went through a not much desire phase, which was OK. Then had a wank as it felt my nether regions were tingling like 'blue balls' and I wanted some relief. Have done it a again a few times for the same reasons.

I am losing confidence and hope. When I was alone it was OK to cope because I had no real aspiration for a relationship. Now I want her but of course this is huge extra pressure. An added complication is while her marriage was ending she had a secret boyfriend; I suppose a fuck buddy. She likes sex and feels it's really important in a relationship. Me too. She has said she thinks about me all the time, would give me a kidney if I needed one, and all that stuff. She really loves me. I believe her. We have a great connection and depth of understanding.

This erection problem thing is a real barrier between us. I know if I'd have managed to have sex with her we'd be together. She worries I can't ever do it and I am a lot older after all so she worries about that too. I think she's now decided we won't work out and has a few 'head space' reasons why not, including sex. She now says we should be friends and I'm getting a bit friend zoned. She still loves being with me.

I dunno guys. She's awoken the desire to have a real relationship and we've grown so much together. It makes me sad what could be, her too I think (maybe just wishful), but this erection thing is a real desperate situation. I dunno what or where next. Sex has always been a special thing with a special person and I don't want to feel that's the end for me!

 

Yup, I get that and thanks. I have a couple of questions:

First, the thing works at night when asleep/waking but zero erection action during the day. What's that about? Psychological? Chemical?

Second, I can hold off PMO fine, but I guess I question if that is the real problem. How do I ever know? I went probably 70-80 days without and still no daytime stiffy during that time! But if it was just psychological then surely there'd be something when I am under no pressure, alone.

Any thoughts?