Interim Musings

We made it through to the other side of Turkey day without any big incident.

I initiated FANOS yesterday and during his affirmation/appreciation of my taking holiday photos turned into a backhanded compliment. He’s glad I arrange a group family photo because no one else will but wishes I had set the camera to not take so many photos after the timer goes off. I told him my only criticism to offer him is to not be so critical. Because who cares. When you have two toddlers and two babies in the group, it’s worth another five seconds to maybe get one shot where you see everyone. whatever.

Trying to be open to communication while also being more aware to the possibility that his being over critical is a tool to make me more insecure. Perhaps a relative to gaslighting. Or maybe my guard is just way up. Regardless, I did clearly state to keep the positives upbeat in the future. And if he wants to communicate concerns to do so separately. He was receptive.

In lieu of more interesting news, I have reaffirmed my personal power of willing myself to persevere and make the most of situations even when they entrenched or on the coat tails of turbulence. Not that this always happens. I certainly have my fair share of wallowing. But I get tired of that too. I have cycles of highs and lows. But I was determined to enjoy thanksgiving and that was successful.

But honestly I’m just bored now. I’m in the bedroom with my twins while husband took one of the guest rooms in the basement. In-laws house. I would hang out with him (and was for a bit) but I can’t hear crying babies from there. He shared the room with me yesterday when the guest rooms were all occupied by other family. That was fine. He was somewhat helpful with babies in the early morning.

Now he’s isolated. This is a bit selfish and triggering. But I get it. And I was bored hanging out in the same room anyway so...

This whole trust limbo situation has got me somewhat detached. When we aren’t on autopilot with kids and socializing with his family I’m just not sure things are very engaging. We did have good lunch date on Thanksgiving... but I’m just a bit bored now. Therefore I’m almost prone to apologize for this entry being dull. Almost.