Intense sadness when forcing myself not to look at girls in skimpy outfits

Nostalgia is a powerful thing. It sounds like a sadness over a fantasy that can never be. Fantasy FOMO.

 

Keep in mind I'm 36 at this point.

There's plenty of girls out there to date, sure you're not going to have one of "The One"s walk by every day. Regardless..

Define "age appropriate". If it's legal, and both want to be in the relationship, then relax your social programming. One of my GF's is 24, before then I was with a few 21yo, and recently decided not to continue dating a 23yo.

Hey, I know a guy....

You've been meeting the wrong kind of grown women.

 

Fear of growing up, fear of losing identity, fear of dying. I have felt something similar with younger women.

Its a healthy sign that you are learning about yourself - its a prerequisite for change. You will see that the vibrancy, innocence and wonder that youthful sexuality represents is available to you in your own being once you get to know and love yourself.

 

I feel you, man.

What needs to be done in this situation is challenge the belief that you missed out on something valuable.

What do you really feel you missed out on?

Would you mind being specific and detailed?

 

Respecting others when out and about is not about a "sacrifice". It is about knowing what is best for your own self, about making sure our self respect wouldn't come under any internal fire, or that we wouldn't slide down a mental path which we have no intent of walking upon in reality.
As for the teenage thing, well, girls are cute in that phase. As for the physical lust, I feel it may be a manifestation of the porn monster inside trying to twist your thoughts into feeding it ("a quick search is all it'd take to get something you can't have") and just a knee jerk sense of false deprivation caused by looking away. That sense of deprivation is also a result of our longer term brain washing, which makes us feel "entitled" to sexual imagery whether real, virtual or in-between. Consider it a sign that you did the right thing for your own well being, keep a positive mindset and reinforce these ideas. Your mind will soon submit to its real master (your Will).

 

Well I didn't mean overall, although that would help TREMENDOUSLY. Keeping a positive mindset is about learning or relearning to cherish the "little things" tbh. I put that in quotation, cuz they aren't little, just underrated. Enjoying the company of a good friend, or even a complete stranger you've met for the first time, your food, your life etc. Things that go overlooked in this hectic, sex-crazed world of ours.
But what I meant mainly was, whenever you feel down. Tell yourself the truth, thst even if it hurts now, it's only because you are changing yourself for the better, and the part that is making it so painful is what you are getting rid of; the porn addiction monster inside you and the brainwashing from it all. So instead of waiting and moping, you should get out and enjoy life, live healthily and positively, cleanly, morally, the way you think is best. You are getting cured, so no need to mope about the pain of it, like getting your rotten teeth fixed at the dentist, even if it hurts, you are still glad that you got it done, and live normally day to day, even when it hurts. Similarly with PMO, when we've quit, even on day 0 we are free. So instead of being afraid and moping, we should use that freedom to live positively, but just like the teeth analogy, we should avoid the unhealthy things and habits that led to the decay, and replace them with way more enjoyable positive meals and habits.
Hope that makes some sense at least.

 

Nice post. Keep writing man . You are helping all of us and I am sure you benefit as well

 

I do understand what you mean 100%. I feel like I missed about on a lot of opportunities when I was in high school because of pmo I think. It made me insecuer and such. I have never thought my of myself. Low self esteem. But in reality I have been told over and over how good looking I am. I don’t see it.

So now when I see good looking girls, especially lower 20’s and such. I picture myself with them. And right now during summer, this is soooooooo hard. I feel like I could explode. It’s making me want to flirt and talk to girls. And I can’t. I’m married. I feel life was easier when I was pmoimg

 

I agree. And I would really like to find your journal and follow along every day.

 

Thank you for opening up to us.

I can relate 100% with your story. I was very shy with women in school. Got my first kiss when I was 19.

I think it is very clear that despite your insecurities, women do find you attractive.

You say you missed out on sex, dating, and relationships. That's ok, I did too. You missed out on some experiences. No big deal.

But does that stop you from enjoying those things in the future?

Do you believe you can have a satisfying sexual/love life in the near future?

Do you see yourself happy with a woman that isn't young looking and doesn't wear skimpy clothes?

 

Holy shit I’m glad someone else has this same feeling I do! You described me to a tee. When I was a teen I was too busy jerking off to porn instead of chasing girls. Now that I’m almost fucking 25, I find myself lusting uncontrollably after these teen girls. Fml

 

Try to control your gaze. The more you look away from teenage girls, the less lust you will have, which means that it'll be easier to abstain from masturbation.

 

Bear with me for a sec...
I was in the boat a long time ago, but realizing that I'm responsible for everything I do, and have done in my life gives me the agency to make all of the changes I need to. Whether that's getting in shape, learning skills, getting better social situations, jobs, whatever.

Those days in the past, the shit times, where I was terribly ashamed (as opposed to a bit ashamed) was part of my history. I'm under no obligation to hold onto the past and stay the same. I certainly missed out on past opportunities (I was a virgin til I was in my mid twenties). I'll never get "those days" back, but fuck it, I have "these days" to do what I want, and I don't want to sit around feeling sorry for myself.

If you're doing monk mode, remember that averting your eyes is temporary, and for your benefit. Looking at all these random girls while you're driving, or whatever, is like taking a lil' hit of the cocaine, getting your fix, when you don't even need it (remember you don't need it). Sure, recognize when the girls are hot, that's normal, but you're exercising and strengthening your brain by averting.

Stop focusing on the negatives, and look at the benefits.

 

@xXPharaohXx This may be of help to you. Check this out -

http://www.dadabhagwan.org/path-to-...actice-celibacy/how-to-control-sexual-desire/

 

Man, I thought this wasn't a big deal - but I was nearly house-bound due to back problems and it was cold out.

Now that I'm getting out and it's warm, it's looking time all the time. I don't get so triggered by it, but the ogling is something I'm trying to break myself of.

It's more shameful than PMO in private, now that I think about it, since the ogling is public.

I'm trying to stick to a 3 second rule, (which is probably too long, actually), and to avoid multiple glances, but sometimes I fail, to the point of re-positioning myself for a better view and looking again. And that is so pervy. It's the guy I've always been, and don't want to be.