Indulgence vs. Virtuousness

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by Immor, Aug 16, 2014.

  1. Immor

    Immor Fapstronaut

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    My last fail started with me indulging in other areas and gradually, over weeks, increasing indulgences, working my way down to full blown PMO. It is a pattern - when i don't do the right thing overall I do not seem to be able to stop myself from faping.

    That also explains some of the benefits of nofap. When you stop to just indulge in any desire that creeps up, only limited by necessities/obligations, and instead hold on to values and goals, that is a very different mindset and outlook on life.

    Thoughts?
     
  2. MelancholyWeightlifter

    MelancholyWeightlifter Distinguished Fapstronaut

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    I agree, self-control is universal. Let it slip in one area, and it effects others.
     
  3. chinchilla808

    chinchilla808 Fapstronaut

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    Start with smaller, more manageable goals. For me I started off awhile back making my bed everyday. Then I went 2 months taking only cold showers. Video games (Call of Duty to be specific) without fail cause me to overindulge and spend hours camped out in front of the tv. Video games, I have realized, also lead me to horribly relapsing (relapsing, and binging on PMO), so I have cut it out of my life completely.

    I found this awesome quote online: "Discipline: trading what you want now for what you want MOST." Stay strong
     
  4. Man of Honor

    Man of Honor Fapstronaut

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    We need to take the word "should" out of our vocabulary. Examples: I should not look at this. I should take a cold shower. This mindset only furthers the guilt and shame factors that keep us from success. Instead of "I should do this," or "I should not do this," ask yourself 3 questions:

    Is this beneficial?
    Is this appropriate?
    Is this reasonable?

    If you can give a strong yes or no answer to these questions then you side step the pitfalls of guilt and shame.

    Home alone: I want to look at porn.

    Is this beneficial? no
    Is this appropriate? no
    Is this reasonable? no

    Then move on. This engages your mind, which is rooting for you to reach your goals.
     
  5. Immor

    Immor Fapstronaut

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    Yes, i noticed video games are amongst the most dangerous thing you can do. It means wasting time in front of the computer. As soon as you get bored of it, there is an enticing alternative you can switch to without changing much of anything.
    Also some games are specifically designed to get us addicted with their rewards, achievements and such.


    Possibly, because "I should be doing xy" kind of implies that i am not actually doing it. However i appreciate my subconscious keeping track of what should be done. You can at any time ask yourself "what should i be doing" and your subconscious will let you know, even if you don't like the answer.
    Also doing the same thing feels very different depending on whether it is something that should be done or not. A nifty mechanism in my opinion.
    None of this means, that asking oneself those questions won't work. If you can make it to day 14 with those i will give it a try ;)
     
  6. Captain B

    Captain B Fapstronaut

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    I approve of this thread! :D

    I've been feeling like that lately but couldn't really put it into words. I've been indulging in TV shows and movies as of lately and I noticed urges for P coming up again, which was weird to me because I haven't even thought about P in weeks.

    Thanks for mentioning this! I'm going to let the shows sit for a while and do a bunch of benefitial things now instead!
     
  7. Erboinq

    Erboinq Fapstronaut

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    Spot on, Captain B. I've noticed the same thing with myself. Usually I end up watching shows or playing video games because I'm bored and lazy and have nothing more useful to do. Well, as we know, that's one step in the wrong directing down the path to relapsing. Once you get bored of the TV or the video games, well, PMO is only another step away.

    I myself have been watching more TV lately. I've also been having a lot of PMO-related thoughts. No coincidence there. I'm going to double my efforts to avoid TV as I can feel myself heading in the wrong direction. Time to learn a language, methinks.
     
  8. APCIA

    APCIA Fapstronaut

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    Yea this thread is on the right spot.

    I've noticed after starting nofap that I'm hungrier and I want to indulge in food, it's like my body is looking for other sources of indulgence. it culminated about a week ago where I ate too much and felt horrible.

    So I decided if I'm doing this I need to work on all fields of my life otherwise it's not effective!

    It's all or nothing baby!
     
  9. NotALoserAnymore

    NotALoserAnymore Fapstronaut

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    I agree with chinchilla808, it' s better to quit videogames for a while, they lead you to indulgence most of the times, and it's recommendable mostly for people who spend too much time on videogames.
     
  10. Phoenix-free

    Phoenix-free Fapstronaut

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    I've noticed the same thing. About a week or so ago, I was sitting down watching a show...decided to open a bag of potato chips...I don't usually have them at the house, but they had been on sale. Before I knew it I was searching the bottom of the bag for the remaining crumbs. Talk about over-indulgence...and it does feel awful afterwards. A couple days later, I thought I'd try the take-and-bake pizza from Papa Murphy's, and then proceeded to eat the whole thing. Thanks for taking the time to share. I'll be watching what I eat, and when I'm going to eat some junk food, I'll measure out my portion, put the rest away, and then enjoy. No more eating while I'm watching television or watching a movie. I should really enjoy food without other distractions...be more present, in the moment, if you will.

     
  11. suyash_4376

    suyash_4376 Fapstronaut

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    Its all about self control....
     
  12. Man of Honor

    Man of Honor Fapstronaut

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    I agree with the eating while watching TV idea.

    Food is great. Why miss out on how great your food tastes by zoning out into a movie? It's the same concept with PM. We are escaping our life to live in a fantasy world that leaves us empty. Why not make that life amazing. No one wants to die, but we all want to escape our reality. Sounds like we need to make our reality something we actually want to stick around for.
     
  13. Immor

    Immor Fapstronaut

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    I'm glad you guys like the idea.
    Since trying to do everything right at once is actually kind of counter to what should work in theory, I am very interested in knowing how it is going for you. Did it get easier or harder?
    For myself, i have been struggling with it. Although my slip had nothing to do with this and everything with partying too hard.
     
  14. enZoZen

    enZoZen New Fapstronaut

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    Just posted this to my blog on the broader theme of indulgence/impulsiveness. Thought I'd share:

    As the title and previous posts on this page will confirm, the life of the individual responsible was consumed by the spell of impulsiveness. An impulse is nothing more than a build up followed by a climax, and a relief. It is a story. Where a hero battles many obstacles to reach his destiny, and breaks through the obstacle that kept him from absolution.

    The problem with that story, one so farmiliar to all of us here on earth, is that it never tells what happens next. Nor does it tell of how things came to be. In many ways, that is the beauty of the impulse. It is a finite expression. A single passionate burst. An explosion of energy that is completely and utterly in its own moment. It stands beautifully on its own. A work of art.

    While an impulse is made beautiful by its uniqueness, what is often forgotten is that there is no expression without a digression. For every output there must be an input. Every exhale has an inhale and every heartbeat must have a contraction.

    We forget that without the other half of the impulse, the low before the high, no expression of beauty in this world would exist.

    In order for one’s destiny to reach its fullest potential, one must not lose sight of the energy that is lost by indulging in impulses—in passion, in moments of inspiration and artistic expression. In moments of love. When we forget the cost of what we indulge in, the mind becomes sick. The steadiness in the heartbeat of one’s life begins to falter. We lose ourselves in passion—in lust. We forget our balance and forget the bigger picture.

    This is true for any impulse and any passionate indulgence. Anything that makes one happy, anything beautiful, when taken for granted, becomes a sickness and a curse. It consumes you. It promises to take your pain away and asks only for your devotion in return. When you devote yourself to the snapshot, when you focus on the object of your desire and not the bigger picture, the bigger picture starts to disappear. You lose focus. Like a moth to a flame, like Icarus flying too close to the sun, you become blinded by the object—blinded by desire. You can ignore the cost of your actions, but one way or another that debt will be paid. <

    I devoted myself to an impulse. A few. And slowly but surely, as I lost my focus, as I gave in to my desire, all that I loved began to disappear. As I flew closer to the sun, my wings began to burn. Soon I was engulfed in flame. The pain was too much to bear. I fell. I crashed back down to earth. And then I was alone. I had nothing left. I acted without restraint. I gave in to passion. I lost my balance. The question now stands: will I get up?
     
    Last edited: Aug 31, 2014

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