inadequacy

I do not have very many friends. I cannot help but think back to high school and middle school where I had a few friends. Now I have been living in California for almost four years. I do not have any close friends, or friends. I only have a bunch of aquaintences at college.
Whenever there are parties or get togethers I notice that I am never invited. When people speak I have nothing to say and I often find myself feeling very lonely. My dating life isn't much better. It consists of prostitutes, massage parlors, and online hook ups.

I am also not happy with who I am. I am trying to improve myself but i do not like myself. I even don't approach girls because 1) I do not want to come off as creepy 2) ( dont know when or how to approach women 3) I feel like I have nothing to offer.

I also feel inadequate down stairs. I am about average. The women at my college seem only interested in hooking up. So I feel that I need to be super handsome and well endowed to get a girl's interest.

This is a question aimed at the women on here. For those of you who have boyfriends with less that average size, do you feel disappointed at all? Do you love him? Should I worry about being a disappointment?

I want to end this entry with a positive note. I am on week 6 on hardmode.

 

Thanks for your kind words. It's just that I am young and I want to be alpha like other men. I hope I find someone like you.