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In too Deep [CW]

Discussion in 'Compulsive Sexual Behavior' started by rungobungo, Jun 11, 2018.

  1. rungobungo

    rungobungo Fapstronaut

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    well, i don't know where else to put this, but i need to air some stuff out and i feel like im in a corner. if you see a better spot for me let me know. im at my wits end and just need some perspective.

    CW - intense fetishes

    so, lately ive fallen back into my old fetishes. this time though, its reached critical heights where i might pull something that i will never be able to forget/will haunt me forever.

    when i was about 14 i found PMO and from then on ive been obsessed with sissification and infantilism, along with other related fetishes that usually accompany the former. usually i can get some amount of distance between the two when it comes to a big relapse i have maybe 4-5 times a year. and thats bad enough. what really messes me up is when the 2 combine and create this vile, repulsive attraction i just cant shake. its so bad for me, i waste money on womens clothes and accessories aswell as diapers and as soon as i fully PMO i am almost unable to move, i dont feel anything mentally i just lie there on the floor mentally braindead. its frightened me quite a bit lately. as i mentioned its reached new heights where things will get put where they dont belong and i have also been trying to meetup with other males i otherwise would not pursue. there is a man i have been in contact with whom i have dressed up for at his home, but it did not go further. we made plans for this friday and i believe the plan is to get frisky. i don't know what i would do if i had sexual relations with him. it might cause the end of me. ive carved out such a bad headspace for myself with the things i do to myself and it just frightens me what might happen if i take this all even higher.

    earlier today i experienced a downright degenerate PMO where i was all dressed up in womens clothes w/ a diaper and i have been thinking VERY bad thoughts because of it. knowing me this will likely continue for a few days as i wont talk to anyone/go out until i entually feel better, get exhausted and feel down so then the cycle repeats.

    i really feel backed into a corner. this man has purchased things for me and im afraid for myself what might happen if i decide not to speak with him. i dont know what i would do if i saw him in person at the store or something. i feel trapped. i just want to live a normal life.

    again, if there is a better place for this please let me know, im relatively new to the boards so im still sorting things out. thank you all for taking the time to read my situation. whatever input you can provide is greatly appreciated. God bless you.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  2. It´s your own decision. I cannot take that from you, by just telling you, what you should do in my opinion. You have nurtured and fed those urges over several years and now you stand on the edge to manifest them more into your reality. You can still stop this, if you really want. Of course that might be in a way embarrassing too, but if you do not trust this man anyway now, imagine how you will probably feel, after you have submitted and exposed yourself fullest to him. There is always a way out, if you look for it. You never have to please any other person´s sexual needs and desires, if you don´t feel it. Even prostitutes reject customers, if they feel something is wrong or dangerous.

    maybe read yourself through this thread about "sissyhypnosis" , if you have not already
    https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/beware-of-sissy-hypnosis.96845/
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 12, 2018
    rungobungo and Deleted Account like this.
  3. rungobungo

    rungobungo Fapstronaut

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    I'll give it a read.

    as far as I know, this guy doesn't know anything about me other than what I look like. What I have done is just made plans with other people for that day. I'm just going to run and never look back.
     
    Immature likes this.

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