I'm worried I am forgetting how bad porn is?

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by skaterdrew, May 23, 2019.

  1. skaterdrew

    skaterdrew Fapstronaut

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    This is something I am very guilty of doing with a lot of things, alcohol, junk food ext. Basically I start drinking heavily regularly, and I get away with it for a while, but then eventually I end up with stomach problems, worse mental health problems, and falling out with family, friends ext. What this does is it makes me think right I need to stop or really cut down on my drinking. So I do well for a while stopping drinking or cutting down on drinking, but then eventually after I have not felt the negative consequences of alcohol for a while I gradually drink more and more often, and I get away with it for a while, but then eventually end up with a lot of negative consequences from it again, and then keep quitting it or cutting down on it again. I am stuck in this cycle. But I get stuck in this cycle with a lot of things.

    Junk food. I start eating junk food regularly and then begin to notice I am putting on weight, so then that motivates me to diet and not eat junk food. I then lose the weight, feel good about my self and then go back to eating junk food.

    I have went through over a year really trying to quit porn and artificial sexual stimulation. I honestly believe I have went through a lot of severe withdrawal effects from it and brain changes from it. A lot of the issues PMO addiction caused me don't really exist anymore. Brain fog, concentration problems, severe social anxiety, pied. I mean I can still get these things a bit, but nothing compared to before I started my journey.

    I am now stuck in a situation where recently I have relapsed and PMOed and not felt much or any negative effects from it. This really worries me. Because it's almost as if I need to feel negative effects from something to obsess about it and be motivated about it to stop it. Last night I relapsed and PMOed once. But the strange thing is I didn't even enjoy it, I actually found it boring. But for some strange reason the high motivation to search it was still there. Even today I felt a strong urge to search it and look at it, I did. But then I looked at it and thought I'm not even interested in that and put it off. It's as if the power of wanting to search it is stronger than actually wanting to look at it and watch it.

    So yeah this is the situation I am stuck in at the moment.
     
  2. Awedouble

    Awedouble Fapstronaut

    It's good you're aware of this pattern, you're definitely not alone. Also the fact that you see it both with drinking and eating is a good insight, and that's why with early recovery they focus on abstinence. Even with stuff you can't be completely abstinent from like food, it's a good idea to cut out stuff you CAN be abstinent from like sugar.

    And the point about the search is stronger is accurate, we are addicted to the seeking rather than the pleasure. Even if the pleasure never comes the addictive mind will still keep seeking.

    A big part of why people go to recovery meetings is to remember. Even if you're not paying super close attention it's going to sink in to some degree. In early recovery of course our mind isn't working very well, so repetition is pretty much the one tool we have. It's in a sense fight fire with fire, because addiction is repetitive so you repeat the things that are going to remind you to not go back to the addictive behavior, with meetings and reading/educating yourself. After enough repetition you will have a foundation and can go deeper, but it's important to be stable enough to go forward.
     
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  3. Fenix Rising

    Fenix Rising Fapstronaut

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    This are two well known psychological effects experienced by most of people recovering from addiction.

    First one is called Classical or Pavlovian Conditioning: Dog->given food + ring a bell = saliva. If you repeat behaviour multiple times you get dog->ring a bell (no food) = saliva Or in our case user -> searching for P + PMO = rise in dopamine repeated many, many times and now now user -> searching for P (without PMO) = rise in dopamine

    Second one is called Ego fatigue -> after a long abstention period it's harder and harder to stay motivated. That's why only abstention (= I'm not doing it) without finding and pursuing alternative goal that keeps you motivated (gives you dopamine rise) won't work.

    1. Strengthen desire for other goals
    - identify and hold on to future goals by envisioning a future self, taking aims, and advancing towards that future self (CBT, mindfulness meditation can help etc.)
    2. Self-understanding (depression, anxiety) -> self-forgiveness -> self-trust


    [​IMG]
     
  4. LastingChangeCreator

    LastingChangeCreator Moderator Assistant Staff Member Moderator Assistant

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    I think journaling and meditation will help.
    You need to reflect back on your past every day through meditation and journaling.
    In case of meditation, you can practice the 6-phase meditation and it will certainly help to keep you on track.
    In the case of journaling, you can ask 5 questions that will keep you on track every day and write brief answers to those questions.
     
  5. Ogikubo

    Ogikubo Fapstronaut

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    I found your post thoughtful and honest. I can relate in the sense that I, too, relapsed recently, and found the porn itself to be rather boring. I wish that boredom was how I could react whenever that little voice in my head tells me to "just look" at some porn. Maybe with enough effort that will happen! Anyway, keep working at beating this. We all know it's worth it.
     

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