im trying my best !

Discussion in 'Women in Reboot' started by ryyyouxx_, Sep 23, 2018.

  1. ryyyouxx_

    ryyyouxx_ Fapstronaut

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    Day 4

    I've been extremely negative, I have no idea why!! I'm still really torn over my relaspe even though it's been a few days.

    I edged today, I have no idea if it counts as a relaspe.

    ack! this is most I felt down in my journey, I've been distracting myself a ton, but today it just didn't work.

    school is starting soon too, that sucks. anyways it's almost 2019! I don't really know how I feel about that, this year has been really quick.

    yikes! this entry is so short, anyways I hope everyone is well !!
     
  2. Grandpa61

    Grandpa61 Fapstronaut

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    Hang in there my friend. Stay away from edging!
     
    ryyyouxx_ likes this.
  3. Prov2416

    Prov2416 Fapstronaut

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    @ryyyouxx_

    Hang in there. I am a 42 year old married man and I have had relapses with streaks lasting no longer than 5 days for YEARS.

    I am proud to say that I have made it 15 days :)
    It was not until a few weeks ago that I got serious about this.

    If I can have hope and courage after 33 years of PMO, then I KNOW you can be successful too. Just think about all the things you are observing and learning about yourself. Alot of the things that trigger us are REAL issues we need to be more skillful to deal with.

    For me, it is anger or anxiety. By not PMOing it has forced me to really look inward at the things I am dealing with. This PMO journey has made me a better person.....not because of my streak but the opportunity to grow and improve.
     
    Jeddo, ryyyouxx_ and Sun_shine like this.
  4. Solomon435

    Solomon435 Fapstronaut

    You're at a low point right now. Don't let it bother you too much, it's only temporary and not something to be taking up too much of your time.

    To help you make 2018 seem a little longer: Black Panther was released this year.

    Crazy, right? I could've sworn it was a 2017 movie.

    Okay, you don't give up just yet. All the best!
     
    ryyyouxx_ likes this.
  5. ryyyouxx_

    ryyyouxx_ Fapstronaut

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    Day 17

    yikes, I'm just barely hanging on. which sucks, schools again soon and im mega stressed about it.

    i got alot of urges recently, and im slowly giving in. which is why I feel like I'm going to relaspe soon.

    but I'm still hanging on !! the cold showers are still working, but today it was super rainy and cold, so I decided to be warm instead.

    I'm still negative, but i know I'll get over this!! I'm barely hanging on, but im still hanging on :)

    i also called some friends over today, which distracted me alot, I have to fillup my time with things to do :p

    I'm back on day 17, I'm glad I'm making progress!

    another short entry, I guess I'm really bad at writing :p

    I hope everyone is doing alright!!
     
  6. Solomon435

    Solomon435 Fapstronaut

    Don't worry about post length, it's easier to convey a message that isn't flooded with meaningless words.

    I'm sorry to hear you've been having a rough time, but good job not falling into them! Really, you're doing great.

    I hope you can go into the new year with a solid streak. You're doing good! :)
     
    ryyyouxx_ and Retro Girl like this.
  7. ryyyouxx_

    ryyyouxx_ Fapstronaut

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    well it was kinda expected? I'm not too negative now, I'm definelty feeling better on this streak, I'm getting good vibes :p

    I watched tons of motivation videos today ( I have no idea why, they helped alot though ) and the cold showers are back!

    I have alot of things to do ( because school started. yikes !! ) it's sad but at the same time I kinda happy, it's going to distract me tons!! :D school is still boring though, well I have to work hard either way!

    I know i said it just now but im really feeling good about this streak.

    i hope everyone is doing alright !
     
    DoeDew, Solomon435 and Retro Girl like this.
  8. Solomon435

    Solomon435 Fapstronaut

    That's really good! I've learned that being negative on yourself when you reset makes recovery a lot harder. You are definitely not expected to do it right on the first time, so don't feel too bad. You'll get back on the streak, I know it!

    You must've seen a really good video if it helped you up this much! It's a good choice for your time.

    I wish I could fully appreciate a cold shower like you can. We're kinda in single digits to the lower tens recently. Brr!

    Good job facing school head on. Though it's not exactly something you want to do, it's gotta be done, right? It's great that you're looking for the good things of school though.

    Don't give up! You've got this.
     
    ryyyouxx_ likes this.
  9. Jeddo

    Jeddo Fapstronaut

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    Have you tried meditating? The only reason I reached by PB was because of it. Now since I have stopped, I have relapsed so many friggin times.
    There are a few good apps out there, but I found Head Space to be one of the best. Or if you prefer to follow a book, then this is the one I have used which is also really good- Practical Meditation For Beginners.
    Mediation can really help with this. Although, I found that it took a couple weeks of doing it daily for at least 10 minutes until I really felt the full benefit. But I felt it help with my urges almost immediately.
    Anyways, hope this helps!
     
    ryyyouxx_ likes this.
  10. ryyyouxx_

    ryyyouxx_ Fapstronaut

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    everything's been falling apart lately, I just had another relaspe today. i guess you could call it a stress-relaspe.
    school really punches me hard! and its difficult to juggle so many things. like tuition and classes too!

    i really need a break lol :p I spent the whole day today just doing an essay. and i got really frustrated and angry. so i guess that's was one reason to relaspe? ( also my group mates are really mean, and they don't help me at all! )

    but i went for a walk today, the weather is really cooling. it made me feel better immediately, it felt like i didnt have anything to worry about anymore. but once i got home and saw the essay I was just like " dang "

    it's alright! I'll figure something out. ( and make my group-mates cooperate with me :) )

    I hope everyone is doing amazing!
     
    Jeddo likes this.
  11. Prov2416

    Prov2416 Fapstronaut

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    Hey....

    Hang in there. Don't go on a binge. Don't beat yourself. You have already identified that you are stressed out. Good....let's start there.

    What were you specifically thinking about when the urges hit you the hardest? Be specific. Let's try and start to gameplan around that.

    Hang in there. You got a team with you!
     
    ryyyouxx_ likes this.
  12. ryyyouxx_

    ryyyouxx_ Fapstronaut

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    Day 4

    lately I feel like ive been " loosing control. " I'm much more vulnerable to urges. today is an example, I edged. which is majorly bad!

    I've been so weak to urges lately, which really suck because they drag me down alot. i wish I was more determined like last year! I was trying to think of reasons why, but the only reason I came up with was, I'm stressed.

    im still really torn by the fact that I've been getting weaker and weaker.

    ill try to be way more active!

    sorry for the short entry

    I hope everyone is doing alright! :D
     
    Linda54 and Solomon435 like this.
  13. ryyyouxx_

    ryyyouxx_ Fapstronaut

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    Day 1

    im back to day 1, it's been awhile since logged something. everything's just bee so busy.

    im staying at my friends place for awhile, so that's going to keep me in check.

    I guess I've been feeling more and more stressed lately, especially since school started again.

    today's been pretty fun, me and my friend we're out the whole day, shopping and such.

    im sorry for the short entry once again.

    I hope everyone's doing awesome.
     
    Solomon435 likes this.
  14. Solomon435

    Solomon435 Fapstronaut

    Hey, great job on a pretty good day! I hope the stress doesn't bother you too much, I hope you can take care of yourself and really wind down to take some of the stress off.

    Good luck!
     
    ryyyouxx_ likes this.
  15. TTTM

    TTTM Fapstronaut

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    Can I recommend that maybe PMO is the symptom and not the root of the matter? So often there is some other wound and we keep resetting counters while never analyzing root causes. Of course we compound the issue because we salve the wound with PMO not realizing the salve itself is poison intil it’s too late.

    When it comes to counters how will you know when you have reached the end? Is 30 enough? 130? 300? Two years ago my counter reached over 150 days. I journaled about it exhaustively and the self-discovery along the way was invaluable. I relapsed before day 160 and was devastated. Upon reflection I came to realize I had given my counter WAY to much power. I allowed it to discount everything I had learned the previous 150 days. Don’t make my mistake.

    Everybody has their own path and there may be zero similarities in our common struggle. But for what it’s worth it might be a good practice to visit what lies beneath the addiction. For me it was childhood abuse, a desperate need for acceptance and self-worth issues. I received a lot of support from this community when I took a closer look at myself.

    Best to you always...
     
    ryyyouxx_ likes this.
  16. ryyyouxx_

    ryyyouxx_ Fapstronaut

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    Day 4

    today was a great day !

    I'm trying to start everyday positively.

    the downside was I edged today. it's horrible, but its okay, I'll definelty do better tomorrow, bet on it!

    I had an annoying counter with my teacher today. sometimes teachers can be so unreasonable! it makes no sense!

    I'm feeling really good about myself :p I bought some nice clothes, and im feeling really confident! ( except today i guess )

    I'm not sure what drove me to edge, but its totally alright, I'll climb back up and dust myself off again.

    I'm back to old me, and im going to me online more!

    I hope everyone's doing amazing :D
     
    Solomon435 likes this.
  17. Solomon435

    Solomon435 Fapstronaut

    Good job on a great day. Sorry to hear about your troubles with your teacher and edging, but don't let it stop you from moving forward!

    Good luck!
     
    ryyyouxx_ likes this.
  18. ryyyouxx_

    ryyyouxx_ Fapstronaut

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    dangit! I had another relaspe, honestly when I look at my journal. it feels lime I'm even making any improvement.

    anyways, I'm not that torn up about it. I know for sure ill do better. for sure.

    my trigger was probably not having anything to do, I don't have school tomorrow and today was a short day ( theres a school event! )

    i don't really do well with having nothing to do... maybe I should really fix that.

    anyways, I'm off to a positive start for now, fighting!

    i hope everyone is doing superb!
     
    Jeddo and Solomon435 like this.
  19. Solomon435

    Solomon435 Fapstronaut

    Hey, that's okay! You'll get back up and I know you'll do great!

    It'll be hard to find free time with your scheduling, but I'm sure when you do you'll find great ways to handle the urges.

    Good luck, and happy Chinese New Year!
     
    ryyyouxx_ likes this.
  20. ryyyouxx_

    ryyyouxx_ Fapstronaut

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    Day 3

    it feels like i haven't been making progress at all. sometimes i have thoughts like, " will I ever get over this addiction? if so, how long would it take? "
    i think about it at night, and usually it gets me really down, like what if this is going to go on for thousands of years! ( I'm kidding, I wouldn't be alive for that long :p ) but seriously, do I have to keep fighting this forever?

    the answer, probably is yes. but its alright, I guess I'll have to keep fighting and see the results.

    today has been pretty productive, I did tons of work. and i haven't been slacking off lately, so that's awesome.

    I had a few small urges here and there, but it was easy to forget because i just played some video games.

    it's been raining the whole day too, it's freezing!! I definelty can't use the cold water technique today.. it's time to take a warm shower and relax. I'm feeling pretty good about this streak actually, but i dont want to say too much!

    i hope everyone's doing wonderful!
     
    Solomon435 and Jeddo like this.

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