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I'm starting a group called C90

Discussion in 'Events & Challenges' started by Deleted Account, Dec 24, 2018.

  1. Welcome to C90 Day 2!!!!
    Christmas was officially Day 1 and I hope we all had a great time and were true to ourselves and didn't act out in ways that we feel are detrimental to us.

    My idea for this the other day when I was looking for a group to join, didn't find one and decided to create one. The C in C90 stands for Christmas because it started on Christmas. I thought there is not better gift to ourselves then working towards freeing ourselves from the negative destructive habits we've created for ourselves, that lead us to the here and now.

    Originally I thought this should be similar to the other groups in that we'll keep track of counts and see who has the most at the end (and hopefully we'll all be on 90). But then I thought while competition is good and a huge driver for some, there's no need to eliminate people just because they missed a day.
    Another helpful way of focusing on this problem is to measure it and there's a quote from Peter Drucker (I believe) "whatever can be measured can be managed" which I find very true. The more you focus on the issue, the more you know about the patterns we live by either consciously or subconsciously the more we'll be able to know where we stand and have a much better chance at changing them.

    That said, you can look at this as a competition to 90 or you can look at this as a measurement of 90, your choice.

    I'll add that if you're looking at either negatively and thinking you'll fail or you are failure then I can tell you that you are absolutely incorrect. You can act out 89 days out of 90 and still be successful. Its more important that you don't beat yourself up over how you're doing or how you've done in the past. A big part of this is the emotional message we're sending to ourselves about this. I know the guilt we feel (or most do), I know the crappy feelings we feel, I know the anger, I know the hatred, I know and have felt it all. I can tell you that getting past that to where if whatever happens happens and we don't feel bad is a major step towards getting to where we want to be. I'll go more into this in later postings but keep in mind, if you struggle with feeling bad then think about the idea of not feeling bad and how that would impact your life.

    ok. First for this group I'll be posting here as much as I can. You all have badge counters, I set mine to 1 to coordinate with C90 day 1. I can keep track of your counts and routinely post them here if we feel that's best. Some of you already have a good count of days going in so the field would not be level to start. Let me know what you think about that and if you even care.

    Second, I'm open to starting a WhatsApp group where we can chat directly would be helpful if we're needing assistance or just want to give a shout out, just send me your contact info in you're interested.

    Now on to today's focus. It's the day after Christmas and hopefully we're all feeling a sense of gratitude. I know I am!! Today would be a great day to write down things that we're grateful for. There are many including myself who make gratitude a daily practice. For me it's writing something I'm grateful for, specifically focused around my family and sticking them on the fridge.

    It's very beneficial especially during times when we're not feeling grateful or even happy. It's those moments where our brains are running like crazy that we need to take a moment and be thankful for all that we have.

    Sometimes this can be challenging. Sometimes it hard to see what we're to be grateful for. In those moments I focus on one thing or a few little things that I take for granted every day. I'll look at a tree and say "why am I grateful for that tree?" and then find reasons to be. If I'm having a hard day with my relationship, I'll focus on that and say why am I grateful for this. It can be hard but its worth it. Its telling your brain that you want to focus on this instead of all the negative crap it throws at us. It can feel like fighting the tide but I can tell you that it does work.

    Make the most of today, focus on gratitude. If challenged with thoughts about porn, find a way to be grateful. Find someone to be grateful for and then reach out to them. Be grateful for them before reaching out to them and then reach out to them.

    Regards!
     
  2. I do not mind if someone will count my days from 0 or 1, and not from the current number which my count tracker shows.
    So we can all have the same "starting point". But I do not want to resent my PMO tracker, so I will write it here like this: 90+25 (my current successfully completed days) = 115.
    In the case I will (somehow :emoji_thinking:) manage to reach 115th day and my count tracker will show so, then I completed 90 days :emoji_crown:.
     

  3. Thanks for the thoughts on gratitude. This is something I struggle with - I just bought a new truck and I should be very grateful and content, but I still struggle with depression. Counting our blessings every day is a good habit to form so even when things aren’t going our way we can be thankful for all of the good things we do enjoy. (Food, shelter, family, job, etc...)
     
  4. ok... as this is Day 2 of C90, you now have 2 days?
     
  5. I 100% agree with you. In the moments when things are good we should practice and condition ourselves for the times when we're not feeling good. It's like the athlete who spends 1000's of hours practicing in non-game situations for that moment in the real game when it matters the most.
    I saw some this morning which said "Breathing CHECK, Warm house CHECK, clothes on my back CHECK, ok got enough reasons to be grateful!!".
    A new truck definitely feels like something to be grateful for but I do understand depression. I do to the extent of what I read and heard about it, I've not experienced it myself at least not to the degree others have. I'm not a psychologist nor any type of professional in that area so do what works best for you and I wish you the best.

    A lot of what I've read and been taught cautions against the words we use when to describe ourselves. If we say "I always fail at <something>" or "I've never been good at <something>", we're re-affirming to our subconscious as to what we think we are. To which the subconscious then will re-affirm that back to ourselves when we need it the least and potentially drive us to failure at <something>.

    If possible try reframing your response and words to yourself in different aspect. Instead of "I still struggle with depression" think "in the past I've struggled with depression" or "sometimes I feel depressed".

    Here's a great article on re-framing
    https://medium.com/@pqhaattte/the-art-of-reframing-5144b7405deb

    Let me know if I'm speaking out of turn here, as I said I'm not a professional and I understand if I'm understating the issue.

    Regards.
     
  6. That’s great advice and I really enjoyed the article on re-framing. At my job, I spend quite a bit of time on the phone with customers, so I already have noticed this phenomenon without really understanding it. The whole course of a conversation can be changed by my tone and the attiude I project. Reframing can definitely be a powerful tool and I will try to apply this more in my daily life.
     
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  7. Totally!!
    A big driver in the change of how we feel is to change our physical state aka physiology.
    I used to get hung up on what my coaches tell me, when you're having bad thoughts and are running down the same repetitive thoughts as always, you need to break your pattern by changing your physiology. Run around outside and act like a crazy person, roll around the floor and bark like a dog.
    It sounds silly to do and often my ego would get in the way but it works.
    I've found that just going outside and feeling the cool air on my face does alot of it. I
     
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  8. I'm here for advice if anyone wants it.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  9. Mhm :emoji_thumbsup: :emoji_slight_smile:
     
  10. Thanks dude!
     
  11. Hey LongTerm,
    I saw on another thread you have 4 years in? That's awesome, Congratulations!!!
    Can you tell us your story and how you accomplished that, I'm sure there are many lessons to he learned. Thank you.
     
  12. Several people have asked me and I think I should post my story somewhere so I don't have to keep writing it. .. :D Is there a blog section on here somewhere?
     
  13. I dont know if there is but feel free to post here or a new thread. You can create a quick wordpress site if you wanted.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  14. Welcome to C90 Day 3.
    Hopefully you're all making it thru these early days ok, I've not heard back otherwise. I've not heard alot back overall but I think that's the way it goes on this board (if I remember correctly).

    Continuing yesterday's thread on gratitude, today I'm grateful for so many things but mainly the choice and freedom we have to choose how we feel. I woke up not feeling great emotionally and I started to think, how come yesterday i was in the afterglow of Christmas and yet 2 days later I'm starting to let life's problems creep over me. I then was reminded of one of my favourite quotes 'You can choose to be happy" which other than me, I'm not sure who said it (but I'm sure many have).

    A couple years ago I was struggling and had a slip. In the immediate moments after I started to think 'oh no, I'm gonna feel bad about this in a few minutes', knowing the post slip guilt and shame were rapidly approaching. My next thought was "I don't want to feel bad" and right then and there I made the choice to not feel bad. I realized that it was a choice and it was my choice, not anyone else's. The choice to feel bad after a slip was taught to me many years ago and firmly ingrained in my nervous system but in that moment I defied my programming and found reasons to be happy.

    I remember I was dancing around my living room yelling out and cheering about being happy. I focused on all the good things in my life and realized that a moment of, I don't want to say weakness, but a few moments where I did something I didn't want to be doing wasn't going to determine my happiness for that day nor any of the following.

    Since that time whenever I have a slip I make the same decision not to feel bad about it and it's done alot for me mentally. I'm not celebrating that I had a slip but I'm not beathing the crap out of me for it. I see it as a moment, just a moment. I don't put labels on it, I don't attach emotion to it, its just a moment. The act of orgasm is like sneezing and the entire slip is like trying to quit smoking and having a cigarette. It's all part of the overall journey towards freedom.

    Getting back to this morning, having realized once again that happiness is a choice, I took action and focused on things that make me happy, I got outside and ran the dog around and I thought about all the happy things in my life.

    There are a million strategies to finding happiness, google will return 7 billion of them. It's your choice to make the decision to be happy, its your choice to take the first steps towards happiness, if you're struggling, take the first step, make the decision.

    Best Regards.
     
  15. I agree - it is important to not punish ourselves when we "slip". On the contrary, we have to realise that we are doing something that has value and sense, something meaningful, and to stop feeling dumb or weak when we fail. Because it is not dumb nor weak to be on the path of personal growth and experience joy and struggles of it.
    Suffering helps us to become something that is more complete... or it can also torn us apart from within if we try to fight/oppose it instead of understanding it.
     
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  16. Right on Dares! Thank you for contributing.
     
    Dares Greeneye likes this.
  17. One of the main things about changing habits is doing something different when the queue or trigger occurs. See Habits by Charles Deurig.

    Recently before going to bed I've been staying up trying to get my Instagram feed cleaned up. By cleaned up I mean filtering out all the pictures in my feed I dont want.
    I like cars, planes, nature, cool tech, science etc. At one point I liked fitness in order to motivate me to work out.
    I know at various points I searched for things I now dont want to see so I'm trying to get all those pictures out.

    I go thru, click on it and choose See less like this. I'm not sure this is working because it's an endless supply.
    Let me know if theres an easier way.

    Anyway, this is slightly triggering and my brain says "I want more" to which I then have thoughts of NO, I'm not going there!!!

    Well tonight I decided change my habit and when the trigger fired, I still thought No I'm not doing that but rather than go back and fourth, I came here and wrote this post instead.

    As habits are built I probably only need to do this about 10,000 more times before its cemented in haha.

    Another thing I do which I was taught and read about, was practicing in my head ahead of time what I want to happen.

    So for example, if my bad habit routine is to put the game on tv, get out my laptop and start browsing for "innocent" content and then move up to hard core. I mentally rehearse the same steps in my head but with the ending I want. I visualize all the steps but I put my laptop away and go to bed or I put my laptop away and celebrate the decision I made with a few YES!!! Woops and some first pumps. The more emotion I put into it the better it'll be ingrained.
    Practice this 4-5 times a day for a few days and next time I'm in that same scenario my brain will remember and itll be easier to make the right decision .
    Practice it enough and your brain will make the decision for you, that's how habits are formed.

    One last thing, visualizing is great but what's better is acting it out. Instead of, or in addition to the visual technique, I can physically walk thru the motions of getting out my laptop, opening my browser, being at that moment when I start to type in something then jumping up and saying out loud with as much emotion as you can "NO YOU SON OF A !@#$% IM NOT GOING TO DO THAT ANYMORE!!!".

    Do that enough times and the patterns interrupted.

    It's the same mental rehearsal that professional athletes do before a big game.

    Regards
     
  18. Xelors

    Xelors Fapstronaut

    32
    40
    18
    Hi, I would like to be part of the forum

    it's late?
     
  19. Yeah you can join in, I've not locked the doors Haha. Welcome aboard, what do you hope to get from this experience?
     
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  20. Deleted Account likes this.

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