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I'm so disappointed in myself for being a virgin at my point in life

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Deleted Account, Jul 4, 2018.

  1. I let porn control me for way too long and since I started NoFap in December, I've come to realize my out of control addiction kept me a virgin at 29. I'm so ashamed by it that I never bring it up to anyone in my life anymore...well, my dad knows, but I completely trust him. What kills me even more, is when the time is near, I panic. On top of that, being autistic, I can't even pick up the signals from my dates that she wants it.

    There's a silver lining in everything and hopefully if I get far enough in my recovery that will be a memory.
     
  2. Tokenator27

    Tokenator27 Fapstronaut

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    When you stop caring about what others think about you is when you can begin to realize your self worth, which will do nothing but improve your self-esteem and confidence in multiple areas if life.

    Rome wasn't built in a day, and neither are we.
     
    jedimaster, TDBman and u376 like this.
  3. Not being a virgin is not a really important goal in life I’d say. Think genuine relationship as a goal.
     
  4. r8js

    r8js Fapstronaut

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    Im 31 not married never had any gfs . It sometimes sadden me. But i donot want to be in relationship with addicted mindset.
     
    Ambrose Grant likes this.
  5. TDBman

    TDBman Fapstronaut

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    I agree with Breadman. It's not as important as you think. We're conditioned to think this way. By television, music, and social media. Although I haven't had sex in two and a half years (by choice), I've had enough sex with plenty of women in my life to tell you honestly, that the most incredible sex I've ever had was in relationships. Where I had a deep connection with the woman. A genuine connection. Having a relationship as a goal is a great way to go. Try to not overthink it too much. Remember, NoFap is not just about the pursuit of a connection with the opposite sex, but also about reconditioning our minds and bodies to work the way they were initially intended to before our addictions to PMO took over. Focus on yourself mentally and physically and get that in order. The rest will naturally follow.
     
  6. tweeby

    tweeby Banned

    You must absolutely lower your standards now and just get through it. Seeing a hooker does nothing but give you a false sense of self worth and leaves a terrible psychological fallout. Lower your standards so you don't care as much, then you can 'upgrade' as they say.
     
  7. Miguel Rocha

    Miguel Rocha Fapstronaut

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    See it by the positive side: you have no venereal diseases (at least transmited by other persons).

    This society turns everything in a competition. For Christ's sake. Work on yourself first. Girls will come. :)

    And be "picky" about girls. There are a lot of psycho girls out there. You want to avoid them. Believe me!
     
    NoBrainer and TDBman like this.
  8. I’m very pathetic. 51 this month and a virgin. But that part doesn’t matter, there’s more to life than getting laid.

    What’s pathetic with me is my zero experience with women and my absolute cluelessness on how to find a girlfriend/wife. Been porning so long that I’ve never gone out to meet real women. Now it’s too late. That part does make me sad and very disappointed but I have no one to blame but myself.
     
  9. Not the oldest virgin I've heard of, believe me. As long as there is a valid reason and you can back it up, I'm sure they'll understand.
     
  10. Oh, yeah I know. Nevermind the post, just going through some recovery pains
     
    wounded fighter likes this.
  11. SeriousPanda

    SeriousPanda Fapstronaut

    Actually i am surprised that someone is "Ashamed" of being a virgin. It is purifying!
    the fact that you have not committed sexual intercourse or acts with someone other than your wife (future wife hopefully) will be the greatest thing in your life if you got married! you will never compare your partner to what you have already had, you will think of her very differently than what "other" experienced married couple think.
    I would proudly say that you are a rare breed and that breed is dying fast so conserve yourself and build yourself to be a better man a better husband and change that prescriptive please it is wrong (part of our human nature is shyness and rejection of adultery) the media makes it shameful!
    be steadfast brother we are all proud of you (i am not alone in sharing this thought, most muslims do share this) : )
     
    u376 and Miguel Rocha like this.
  12. Miguel Rocha

    Miguel Rocha Fapstronaut

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    @HopeForBrightFuture It's never too late. ;)

    Start to ask women out. You'll have a lot of rejections but that's natural. Every man gets rejected a lot. But you'll get better at talking to women and so forth. You will evolve. And maybe when you least expect it...you'll find someone interesting.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  13. That's pretty much what I've been thinking recently. Being a virgin at my age is something to be proud of. The fact that I've avoided sexual intimacy with other people is quite uncommon. Yet, I know society will shun me for it, but the hell with that.
     
  14. Yeah, but I have to recover first from this addiction
     
    wounded fighter likes this.
  15. u376

    u376 Fapstronaut

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    Sometimes I don't know whether to feel sad or happy about my virginity
    Society confuses me
     
    Laffio likes this.
  16. That’s why you use your own standard. Forget society as best you can. Live your life.
     
    Laffio and u376 like this.
  17. Peiskos

    Peiskos Fapstronaut

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    I lost my virginity to my first, current and only girlfriend at 25, she was also a virgin albeit a coupe years younger. I met her while I was 24. We took things slowly by her choice actually and it was good because it allowed me to reboot for a year and bypass the fear of not being able to perform when the time did come.

    I’m 26 now and honestly sex isn’t all that you make it out to be, it’s nice to experience sure but it doesn’t define who you are. Stay strong, cut out porn and masturbation and your time will come, just don’t put the idea of losing your virginity on some pedestal and constantly think about it, that’s not healthy.
     
  18. Laffio

    Laffio Fapstronaut

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    I'm going through the same mindset Wakingthelionsinme. I've "wanted" so much from others and convinced myself that finally having sex is the only thing worth living for, I lost focus on becoming an adult. I want to become someone who can have sex but has responsibilities and goals first.

    It is never too late to change. If you enjoy your own company, surely someone else will. You never know who is noticing the changes in you.
     
    u376 likes this.
  19. I have been told that sex is nothing magical by a number of people, and for the longest time, I never believed it.
     
    wounded fighter likes this.
  20. With the one you love I think it is wonderful.
     
    jedimaster likes this.

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