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Im sick of this

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Arbiter, Dec 4, 2018.

  1. Arbiter

    Arbiter Fapstronaut

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    God where do I even start.

    Basically my first (and the only one) ex and I broke up about two years ago.
    Since then I havent got any romantic attention at all or physical attention from girls (but I have some girls that are my friends but still), except one time about two months ago where a drunk girl gave me hickey and it completely fucked my mind over.

    Im going crazy over this, every time a friend of mine gets a girlfriend or a boyfriend it makes me fucking sick, it builds up so much rage and anger inside of me I cannot bear to feel this anymore.

    Every time this happens I burst out crying at random moments (at work, on the bus) and I cant control it, back then when this shit started I could bear to live with it and suck it up, but now the pain is just paralyzing and crippling.

    Yesterday I had the worst breakdown probably in all of my life, because a friend of mine (girl) got a boyfriend and he is a friend of mine too and it pissed the living hell out of me, I started almost crying at work, went on the bus and cried, and finally when I got home I went to an abandoned building with my headphones on and just started crying my soul out, and now I wake up and feel like shit.

    And I have talked about this to my friends and they are like "you just need a gf bro", fuck off, saying that does not help me solve anything

    And I have tried numerous times to approach girls in various ways:
    - Tried to approach the conventional way, but I always have to keep up the conversation up by force because the girl never starts the convo.
    - Tried to become friends first and then taking it a step forward but that failed.
    - Tried to go to parties and get my self drunk on purpose in hope that something will work, but nothing came out.

    Every time I tried my best the girl just seems not interested, stops talking with me, or just straight up rejects me.

    I really dont know where is the fucknig problem, I wish I could point my finger at whats wrong. Maybe its because im short? (im 5'5") Maybe its the way I present my self or how I talk? Maybe im autistic or have problem communicating or something?

    It honestly lowers my self worth down to a non existent level, i feel like crap, like something is wrong with me.

    Gosh
    I dont want even a gf anymore I just want this crippling pain to go the fuck away so I can live a normal life, I dont want to feel like this anymore.

    Please someone help me
     
    Deleted Account and AUTiger7222 like this.
  2. Sounds like a huge problem is the way you talk about yourself , SO WHAT IF YOUR 5FT 5IN ,SO WHAT IF PEOPLE DONT LIKE HOW YOU PRESENT YOURSELF ,SO WHAT IF YOUR AUTISTIC THERE ARE MANY THAT ARE IN RELATIONSHIPS - BE YOU MAN, EMBRACE WHO YOU ARE FUCK WHAT OTHERS THINK LOVE YOURSELF PEOPLE COME AND GO , Stop listing to the media internet shit that says you have be so tall or have great conversatons or cant do this or that or my favorite is you should be this way shit, BE YOU
     
    Deleted Account and Buddhabro like this.
  3. AUTiger7222

    AUTiger7222 Fapstronaut

    Yep. I completely feel your pain bro. I can say pretty much the same thing word for word about my life.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  4. countitjoy5

    countitjoy5 Fapstronaut

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    You're tying your significance in life to whether a woman shows you affection. Shift your thinking - don't center your life around a woman's response to you. The pain will go away when you turn to God and ask for his help. I know, I've already been through all of this. I'm single at 41 - this pain is hard to deal with but it eventually dies away when you change your thinking.
     
  5. You want company but tend to stay alone instead. A part of you envies others' social life but another part thinks it's silly. The result of this schizophrenic shit is that you're unable to enter relationships. I know this because when you described your mental state, you described mine as well. It's not about having a girlfriend, you could solve that today. It's about dissatisfaction with yourself. Unfortunately, I can't help you with that because I haven't yet found the solution myself.
     
  6. cosmos_man

    cosmos_man Fapstronaut

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    Arbiter, I'm sorry you have been feeling this way. There is no doubt its a shitty feeling. Based on what you described you whatever energy you are putting out girls don't seem to be picking up on. Another thing is that getting girls is like making cold sales calls, most will fail. You need to figure out how to accept that and not let each rejection turn you more bitter. Believe me I get this feeling since I did a whole summer of online dating probably met about 40 girls and was about to give up for a while since I didn't have a girlfriend since 10 months prior. Just when I felt like there was something wrong with me I met my current wife. We clicked better than any girl I had ever met and the relationship was everything I though it could be and more. My point is there really is hope even if it doesn't seem like it now.

    Don't start believing that shit about your height, I've seen plenty of hot girls with short guys, again if you believe it will effect your confidence. Perhaps take a break from approaching woman and instead work on you. Work out, invest your time on interesting hobbies. Once you are a better version of you, you will give girls something to be attracted to. That's basically the game in a nut shell. Another thing to explore it your spirituality, ultimately this fulfillment should not be satisfied by some girl but rather your connection with God. I think if you really do some soul searching and really work on yourself first, the girlfriend/partner part may come easier than it seems.
     
  7. Im afraid Im heading the same way, but its not 2 years but 2 months. What I think is, that I must accept that Im alone, which is very hard after you was used to being with someone you loved.
    Im doing hard mode, thats the only fucking thing Im good at atm.
    I hope that things will turn around, I just want to feel like a human again. But I know my life. Im 35. And 3/4 of my life are pure hell. Now I had one year break... with my girl. Than she just
    left me, and Im the worst hell ever. My body is rotting. My mind is rotting. And things around me are going to hell as well.

    I just dont want to see other ppl are doing great, I know it sucks, but I dont care. Its like when you hungry and you should be happy when you see ppl eating burgers. Its too much.

    Good luck mate, stay strong, kick some fucking ass.

    I will be in celibacy now, fuck everything. I cant afford any more pain like I went thru.
     
  8. CTRL + DEL

    CTRL + DEL Fapstronaut

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    Idk where you're from but if we happen to live in the same country, i can set you up with a girl (not some damn hooker) 1-2-3. I really sympathise with you bro. I hope you find some success in this field.

    But answer me this pal:

    Why do you need someone else to validate your existence and boost your self-esteem?

    If these are the reasons you're looking for a girl (to feel "complete", etc), I can tell you it won't lead you very far, no matter how damn hot, smart, rich or perfect you (anyone) may be; not with any girl of character.
     
  9. Ra's Al Ghul

    Ra's Al Ghul Fapstronaut

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    Take a break from the dating scene for a little while. Pursue some hobbies.
     
  10. Arbiter

    Arbiter Fapstronaut

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    Hey all, sorry for the long silence, I had to figure out some personal issues out.
    I am more chill, now that the frustration is gone a little bit.
    A friend of mine told me something that kind of shocked me (I realized what I was doing all the time), basically ive been falling in love with my female friends every time, and that is horribly wrong and in the end always hurts me. You cant be friends with someone you are in love with!!

    With all that said, few questions arise:
    1. Why do I feel the need to always find someone, why cant I be satisfied with myself, by myself?
    Because I have a lot of stuff to be proud of (my physique, healthy lifestyle etc...)
    2. And does it piss me off so much when friends of mine get gf/bf?
    3. How to deal with sexual frustration and anger/depression issues related to sexual frustration?
     
    AUTiger7222 likes this.
  11. 1 - u are incomplete, u search outside for a something you missing

    2 - jealousy... they get stuff you miss, and you dont

    3 - get into a real relationship which will fullfill you - which is impossible due to the 1

    Or transmute that energy to deal with 1 and thus be able to fulfill 3 and get rid of 2



    All in all, you are stuck at very low place man. Jealousy, neediness, anger. You must work on yourself... and i dont mean in gym. No wonder nobody wants to share ur life with you. Sorry. But u asked.
     
  12. Mattew

    Mattew Fapstronaut

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    I perfectly understand this, i've been in the same situation for all my life, and after trying and trying i'm still there, i don't know what to do anymore...
     
  13. you must create a life for yourself, which is inviting to other people
    Thats what being a man is about. We must have this drive and focus, we create our own worlds, and than woman join in, if they see it attractive to them. Thats how it is. And I dont care about what feminists say.

    We must be complete on our OWN. We cant seek completion in other ppl, esp woman. It doesnt work like that. When you will be complete, there will be woman coming to you.
     

  14. watch some vids from this guy
     
  15. Oh... and THIS ONE GUYS!!!! WAKE UP
     
  16. Mattew

    Mattew Fapstronaut

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    Thanks, but i read things like that a thousand times. It's easy to say that's true, but i've never been able to do that, maybe there's something i'm missing, maybe i just can't.
     
  17. Mattew

    Mattew Fapstronaut

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    Thanks, i've already seen that, and so many similar videos.
    Maybe i just have a serious depression, i'm unable to create a life for myself, but i am aware of that from many years. I've read tons of books, self improvement books, been to a psychologist, and after years i'm at the same point, actually i'm probably even worst in a no return downward spiral.

    You know, after being aware of the problem for many years, tried everything, and founding myself in a worst place just take everything from me.
    At least i was still willing to try a year ago, now, i don't know why, i don't even have the will to try anymore. It's like nothing works for me, and i just know nothing will work anymore.
     
  18. I know.. I faced depression and suicidal tendencies as well. My mother was diagnosed with uncurable cancer when I was 20yo. For 7 years, 1st idea in a morning I had was HOW TO KILL MYSELF. Than she died. And I suffered immensely.
    Before that, when I was a kid, my father physicaly beat my older brother. I saw my older bro - who I love the most on this earth - got beaten every day. Than when the father left, my brother beat me. Than our parrents divorced, and my father manipulated me to leave my mother. I went with father, saw him bringing new woman "home", beíng drunk. I was hitting a puberty, was moved to another school because of this as well, so I can be with father. After 2 years of pain, I ran to my mother. There I realized I dont feel at home there neither. I was 15, and I lost my home. That feeling... My ears were destroyed by explosive my bro threw at me when I was 7, 30 years since than, there is ringing in my ears. When a heavy train is driving by me, I hear the ringing louder than that train.

    So I know. God. Damn. Well.

    I dont give a single fuck about your crying. Chance is, you know absolute SHIT about what hard life is. And so do I. You either stand up, or you fall down. Its up to you. Nobody will do shit for you, ever. You are alone here in this bitch. So do or die.

    And you miss pussy right... what a problem! Go cry me a river dude.
     
  19. Mattew

    Mattew Fapstronaut

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    Really thanks for the answer, and i really appreciate your time and effort, that's amazing. I can undertsand part of your experience, i also had manipulative parents, older brother who was beating me almost every day, crazy mother.

    I actually would like to cry a river, that would be something, but i'm just emotionally flat, i've always been so.

    Anyway, thank you, you message hit, at least a little.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 21, 2018

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