I relapsed last week on day 39 because on day 38 I relapsed to alcohol. since then guys I'm really struggling to start again. I want to get sober but it's like when the urges come since I relapsed after those 39 days it's like I just don't give a fuck. now I'm eating like shit again, video games all day, not taking care of my self example not taking a shower. those 39 days I was feeling amazing and trully taking care of myself. now all I feel like doing is getting wasted and jacking off. I've seen this story before I get wasted every day binge on porn and feel empty and want to kill myself. I want to wake up and start back but I just can't seem to. I just don't seem to care about my life right now. I wish I never relapsed last week because once I do, I fall i slide all the way down. any advice guys ?