I'm really struggling to start again after a relapse

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Islanders190, Jan 3, 2017.

  1. Islanders190

    Islanders190 Fapstronaut

    I relapsed last week on day 39 because on day 38 I relapsed to alcohol. since then guys I'm really struggling to start again. I want to get sober but it's like when the urges come since I relapsed after those 39 days it's like I just don't give a fuck. now I'm eating like shit again, video games all day, not taking care of my self example not taking a shower. those 39 days I was feeling amazing and trully taking care of myself. now all I feel like doing is getting wasted and jacking off. I've seen this story before I get wasted every day binge on porn and feel empty and want to kill myself. I want to wake up and start back but I just can't seem to. I just don't seem to care about my life right now. I wish I never relapsed last week because once I do, I fall i slide all the way down. any advice guys ?
    MeNoPhap likes this.
  2. Porn Free Wanderer

    Porn Free Wanderer Fapstronaut

    Just take it one day at a time. Your immediate goal should now be to simply have a good day tomorrow (or today, depending on your time zone). Don't think about going 30 days, or 90 days, or any other number. Just start creating some positive habits tomorrow. Then, your goal will be the following day. Do it that way, and you'll be on a "streak" before you know it.
    Sam_Tri, James Gatz and Hippolytus like this.
  3. Islanders190

    Islanders190 Fapstronaut

    thanks for your wisdom I really appreciate it. I think I'm also going to leave my phone at work for a week so I can't look up stuff just to get going again.
  4. Health is key

    Health is key Fapstronaut

    Reinforce in yourself that masturbation/porn is not an option. When ever you feel the urges embrace the battle. Get angry at the urges. Fight them head on. Losing is not an option.
  5. Hippolytus

    Hippolytus Fapstronaut

    Sometimes we hit the bottom before we can go back up. But don't be too hard on yourself! Perhaps this leg of your journey involves you seeing what the bottom is like again, that it may inspire you to climb once more. And if that is the case, then congratulations! You're on your way up from here!

    I also would like to echo Porn Free Wanderer's advice: go little by little. Personally, I know I am more likely to give up when I throw myself headlong into something expecting I'm going to easily overcome all obstacles. And because I'm really trying to change myself this time, I set a small goal: just a 7 day challenge. Last night I had some seriously intense urges and fantasies, but I was able to overcome them because my goal was so close by, even though I just started. Little by little.

    And your idea to leave your phone in a place where it won't tempt you is an excellent one. Definitely make more of those moves, and you'll be setting yourself up for victory! I'm only on day 3 of my challenge, but I can already tell that altering the design of my environment is crucial. It's like you're altering your trajectory out of the way of incoming missiles, which is pretty badass. I believe you can do it, man.

    If you really do feel suicidal, though, I would recommend finding someone you can deeply trust and talk to about that, whether it be a family member, friend, or therapist if need be. Having a team support you will make the whole journey a lot easier. It will also allow you to encounter other perspectives on how you're doing. Sometime we get very wrapped up in our own. I know I do, at least.
  6. lordram17

    lordram17 Fapstronaut

    This is exactly what porn does to you. It is one of those things that look appealing on the outside but are poison on the inside. I know you already know this. We all do. But we still fall sometimes. The entire point is to learn to get back up because once you learn how to do that, falling isn't so scary anymore. Knowing and believing that you can overcome this addiction no matter what, is what will give you courage to fight through your lowest points.

    You will have dark days. So do everyone. The important thing is to realize from experience that indulgence is temporary and never the solution. Porn is NOT the solution to your problems. Porn will not make the pain go away. It will look like its giving you a helping hand but really you are getting punched in the face. And then there is more pain, depression, regret but most deadly of all - a doubt that maybe you will never be able to conquer this thing inside of you that is pulling you down again and again.

    Well, as a lot of men on this forum have done it, so will you. You can and you will. Have faith in yourself. Focus more on work. Find your purpose in life and involve yourself completely into that. There is such a vast world out of porn and so much potential to make a contribution to mankind, you would be amazed. Your life can add so much value. But you have to believe in that and look for a path.

    Relapse is not defeat. Quiting is defeat. Dont quit and you will eventually overcome what today looks impossible.
  7. Tungsten

    Tungsten Fapstronaut

    Hang in there man.
    I've felt similarly - I have had days when I stayed home all day, doing nothing but watching porn, then netflix, then porn again, eating sweets for breakfast, lunch and dinner, then lying to my friends and family to make up for it. It really leads to feeling worthless.

    My advice is: find some work to do. The days I've felt furthest away from the dark days have been when I've been working well. You don't have to get everything done, just do something productive. It doesn't even have to be "traditional" work: you can work on a hobby, or work up a sweat. There's times when even digging a ditch for no reason turns a bad day into a good one.

    Best of luck to you. (And to me... I hope I can take my own advice when one of those days comes)

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