So I guess I should tell you a bit about myself. I'm 21 now, and I've masturbated since I was maybe 10. I don't actually remember how it started, I think I just noticed that touching myself in certain ways felt good. I felt a bit ashamed about it, but my parents never knew and I didn't feel like I was hurting anyone so I didn't stop. By the time I was 13, my family was going through a lot of conflict. I also had trouble concentrating in school, also with bullying and general anxiety/deep insecurities that were really bringing my mood down everyday. The few "friends" I had made fun of me and excluded me quite often, which made me lonely and withdrawn for basically all of middle/high school. This is when I started to MO quite frequently, sometimes even multiple times a day. I had a lot more shame surrounding this (now I knew what sex and masturbation were, unlike when I was a more innocent 10 year old). When I was 14 I started actually looking at porn, mainly out of curiosity, boredom, and frustration with my life. Most porn was disgusting to me, so it didn't get me hooked until later, when I learned about porn from a very specific fetish. This may not make sense to a lot of you, but I'm actually asexual despite having a libido and urges to masturbate. I've only ever been aroused by a specific kink (don't want to go into detail here) which has nothing to do with sexual contact with other people. I'd actually describe myself as sex-repulsed IRL. Even in childhood, I never thought anyone was "hot", didn't understand crushes/attraction at all, was totally weirded out when friends would talk about people they found attractive. I don't know why I'm asexual, but I'm ok with it now and don't feel a need/desire to be any different. I've been attempting to quit PMO for around 6 years now, and in the past I managed once to last about a year without any PMO. I had a few streaks that lasted months, but I feel like the cycle has dragged me back in. I have a stronger motivation than ever to beat my addiction, yet I'm finding it really frustrating lately. I fell off the bandwagon badly this past year, and I'm only now starting to get back up. I'm a dedicated Christian now, and I know that being addicted to anything, especially PMO, is harmful to my brain and my body. I've prayed about this a lot. I know that God will always help me to overcome things that hold me back from living by his standards, but the Bible also tells us to act in harmony with our prayers. I need to trust God and have faith in his power to help me, but also do all that I can myself to beat this addiction. Something I've never tried before is keeping a journal on this site. I thought about it in the past, but I was always too shy to go through with it. I think it's worth a try, though. It can give me an added layer of accountability and support, which I don't have IRL. Nobody else knows about my PMO issues and how much I've struggled over the years. Let's all do our best to beat this addiction and live better lives!