I'm intimidated by good looking girls, help

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by mapleet, Apr 24, 2019.

  1. mapleet

    mapleet Fapstronaut

    I realised something which affected me for years now, i'm intimidated by good looking girls. Now a lot of things make a lot more sense, like why i feel strange around attractive woman and why i'm afraid to talk to them.
    I even got some examples in my head from the last munches i was on, i talked with some girls there and they were not attractive to me and i talked with them casually. But i havn't exchanged a lot of words with the attractive ones. Or on an another munch i had a good time but every time i looked to an good looking girl i just politly smiled and looked away, i think i havn't talked to her at all.

    Now i know that this is a thing i can fix it, do you guys have any experience with it ?
    I really appriciate any help :)
     
    King777 likes this.
  2. Stop treating them like prizes and start treating them like people. Yes they are attractive, but they are still human. They still want to laugh, chat, and debate like anyone else.

    Try to stop thinking about them as objects and connect with them as people. They are just human like anyone else.
     
  3. TheHealer

    TheHealer Fapstronaut

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    You think to highly of them, that's why you get nervous. They are humans too with faults just like anybody else. Don't look for confirmation or acceptance from them. I understand that you want them to be impressed by you but that is not important. If you give them the power to decide weather or not you are worth it or not then you have already lost. You know that you are worth it, so the key to confidence is that you are not waiting for her to decide if this is going to work out or not.

    When talking to a pretty girl: simply see if you like her personality and don't look for approval.
     
  4. WayIare

    WayIare Fapstronaut

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    Has nothing to do with seeing them as prizes.
    Has to do with you.
    You do not think you're attractive. You think you're (for example) a 5, why would this 10 want anything to do with me
    If you think better about yourself, or you work on yourself you'll find talking easier.
     
  5. theNewStoic

    theNewStoic Fapstronaut

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    I agree with you. Attractive women are human and they want to be treated as such. The key here is don't try too hard. Be a normal person.
    Don't think of them as "attraktive women" think of them as people who might be interesting. Like anyone else.
     
    koolpal likes this.
  6. TheSuperMan

    TheSuperMan Fapstronaut

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    Do you really want someone that's good looking, but may be a terrible person? There MUST be personality traits (that have nothing to do with looks) that you find attractive. Ignore her looks and look at her personality.
     
    Alaiza and theNewStoic like this.
  7. ComplexRiddle

    ComplexRiddle Fapstronaut

    Also worth bearing in mind that good looking ladies have to put up with a *lot* of unwanted male attention. As others have pointed out, you need to be treating them as people not prizes, but they could easily come across as hostile because that's how they are used to being treated. Just be real, don't get unrealistic expectations of what they *should* be like and treat them like people. Be kind, not intimidated
     
  8. mapleet

    mapleet Fapstronaut

    Damn dude, you hit the nail on the head and right into the feels.
    I was on obese grade 1 when i decided to lose weight and i'm still overweight but lost like 18 pounds and got some muscles. But i'm still not happy about my looks.
    But i also was not really confident for my whole life and i'm more confident rn but would still not consider being very confident.
    It is a weird mixture between my weight/looks and confidence why i'm so intimidated.
     
  9. mapleet

    mapleet Fapstronaut

    Yeah i should them treat them like normal people and nothing something special because they look good, i'm well aware of it.
    It is hard to describe, i somehow think that they are as confident as good looking and don't want to waste time with somebody not that good looking and confident. Thats why i get intimidated by them i think.
     
  10. I think this is a bad attitude. Obviously confidence is attractive, but just because someone's not as confident doesn't mean they aren't worth your time. You should treat everyone -- whether they are good to look at or not -- with respect. And you certainly shouldn't see good, honest people as "wasted time".
     
  11. HecTormoku

    HecTormoku Fapstronaut

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    Keep working on yourself, bro. As everyone else tells you, they're people like you, they have their flaws and insecurities, their hopes and dreams, some of them are mean in order to protect themselves for a probable dangerous situation such as getting pregnant and no one to taking care of her and her baby. It is a survival instinct in order to select only alpha traits in men so they can feel safe. It is in their nature since a very long time ago.
    My advice: keep working on yourself, be congruent with every other aspect of your life, and believe me, your looks aren't that important as long you get to reflect in your whole persona the actual state of your life. And that is just by simply self improvement.
    Just remember: not everything that shines must be gold, when you start to look on their heart's content their looks won't be the most important factor to decide if she's worth to be someone important in your life.
    I send you my best wishes, bro :D
     
    koolpal likes this.
  12. mapleet

    mapleet Fapstronaut

    No no no you got me wrong, let me make my sentence more clear !
    "It is hard to describe, i somehow think that they are as confident as good looking and they don't want to waste time with somebody not that good looking and confident."
     
  13. Ah, my mistake! I understand how you feel because I get this sometimes. I'm constantly pondering why my girlfriend picked me over the many superior guys out there. But the fact is, we've all got something special about us. Stop putting yourself down, and just talk to these girls. They may not be attracted to you; they may not even like you -- but don't let that stop you from being the best version of yourself.

    You're a good guy, man, I'm sure of it. Just be you.
     
    koolpal and mapleet like this.
  14. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    A lot of people have a false assumption that attractive women are all confident, successful, flawless, and their life is solidly put together. These expectations of how others view them puts a lot of pressure on them. People act weird and creepy around them. People walk on eggshells around them with hidden agendas. People act fake around them.

    Simply being real around them is enough to place yourself above most of the people that they encounter. Simply having eye contact and wanting to get to know who they are is enough.

    When you start acting in a way that you think others will like you for in order to take something from them (hidden agenda) is when you are being creepy. It's manipulative and fake. Attractive women learn from an early age to deal with and protect themselves from these social situations.

    My secret? I have fun with them. I act silly around them. I have nothing in mind other than having a fun and carefree interaction with them. If they're interested and let their guard down, then they become silly, fun, and carefree with me... and thus getting to know each other better. The real secret is... I do the same with everyone I interact with. I treat attractive women the same as I treat people I'm not sexually attracted to. I'm real with people in general.

    Eventually you get to know a lot of attractive women for who they really are and you realize that not all of them are worth your interest or investment. So you place more importance on getting to know their character rather than throwing away your life and your values for the sake of a stranger's physical attributes.

    Basically I do stupid shit that I find fun (being myself) and that gives others the permission to be real around me as well... then we find out if we resonate with each other or not.

    Physical attributes are very small aspects of what makes up a person. If that's all that it takes for you to invest your time and energy into someone and throw away your self respect, then why would that person want to be with you?
     
  15. blacklabel92

    blacklabel92 Fapstronaut

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    My bartending job requires me to work around alot of so called "attractive women" beautys in the eye of the beholder which is why i say so called. In my experience most of the attractive girls are stuck up hoes like 80% of them. And the other 20% are either taken or batshit crazy which In that case I'll take stuck up hoes for 500 alex.
     
    koolpal and WayIare like this.
  16. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    Do you think that this bar / club environment is an accurate representation of every other woman outside of your work?
     
    koolpal, blacklabel92 and EatCake like this.
  17. Leotampan

    Leotampan New Fapstronaut

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    Same to me bro lol xD
     
  18. blacklabel92

    blacklabel92 Fapstronaut

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    No. Definetley not. But, thats just coming from my perspective. Im not saying all attractive girls are like this. Most of my interactions and observations with pretty girls have been in the nightlife. And I'll admit thats pretty sad and unfortunate but that's what it tis'
     
  19. King777

    King777 Fapstronaut

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    Mate, you're not alone. I thought about the same situation over and over again for many years. I can't really say that now I feel so free and comfortable next to an attractive girl but at least I've come to some conclusion at the age of 25. It's been a huge problem for me since the early days of my adolescence and I always kept it as a secret, actually it's the first time that I'm confessing here, so thank you...

    I know I'm not a shy person, people even consult me about how "to be confident the way I am", many people around me say that I'm actually quite cocky; but of course that's not how I feel about myself all the time. I'm a mountaineer and a bodybuilder so most of the women find me as an attractive guy; physically. Yet as we all now women don't tend to express their thoughts directly to a man even if they find him sexy and they are more wary than us when it comes to react based merely on the physical attraction.
    All of my girlfriends confessed taht they were attracted to my physical appearance at first but then it was my personality that made them fall in love, so I believe I can say that at least, I'm no jerk either.

    So what's the reason of all this non-sense?

    The answer that I found are the traumatic experiences we had in our lives. In my case; falling in love and "her".

    A story of unrequited love for 10 years. Without a happy end. She was my first and only love and back in the day when I was a kid, yet I never managed to tell her my feelings, then she was taken... I was quite chubby at that time so people used to make fun of me too. So I was always shy around her and quite nervous that I will never be good enough for her. That same depressive feeling still chases me today like a ghost, especially when I encounter with an attractive female. Because the first attractive girl in my life caused a huge wound and the horrible feeling of shame.

    So even if I know all of those facts, I can not still feel super confident next to any girl (till I talk to her), and if she is a hot one, it gets even worse... I want to get her attention, and I know that I can and I worth it but I just loose my courage and my self awareness whenever an attractive female emerges around me.
    To be honest; I even feel scared.

    But things got better, much better by becoming a fapstronaut. And working on the problem. The first step is to locate it.
    Peter A. Levine's book "Waking The Tiger" helped me a lot. Whoever is dealing with similar issues should read it.

    I don't know if you ever had such an experience in your case that is causing you to feel intimidated by good looking girls. Maybe you should inspect your own life story to discover such traumatic events. Hope you guys find this helpful in your own journeys.

    Roar.
     
  20. mapleet

    mapleet Fapstronaut

    That are some true words, i could not say it better.
    Thanks buddy.

    And dont plague yourself with those thoughts, appreciate the relationship and live it to its best :)
     

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