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I'm feeling hopeful this morning.

Discussion in 'Partner Support' started by Krismiss8201, Jun 3, 2018.

  1. Krismiss8201

    Krismiss8201 Fapstronaut

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    I'm fairly new here but I wont go into my whole story bc it's the same as many of you, SO of a PA, been struggling for 2 years, he promised me after the 1st year hed quit, never did, D-Day was March 23rd 2018, and he says hes been abstinent from porn physically, but has been struggling mentally bc his behaviors very much mimicked when hed relapsed and I was convinced something was going on even though he has an accountability app on his phone bc everything about him changes when he uses. Hes learning to actually communicate more and that's amazing. He didn't actually realize what his issue was doing. He knew it hurt me, destroyed me, etc, but he didnt realize the significant effects it had in his life until the past few days. He considered doing a hard mode reboot but I dont want to loose that closeness with him and he doesnt want to loose it either, so hed opted to do reboot with no edging (bc this is a huge problem for him), and no masturbation/masturbation with porn. Yesterday was a very hard day for me. The betrayal trauma is really bad as far as triggers that interfere with almost every thought in my head and it was obsessive yesterday. I literally could look at a fork for gods sake and somehow turn it into something that relates to all of this. Its ridiculous. He also made therapist appointment, joined nofap and has been reading alot of the posts from SOs of PAs bc it makes it a little more real for him to realize I could've written 99% of the posts myself, and to learnt what he needs to do to help me heal bc that's been a huge issue. I woke up to a note this morning from him before he left for work saying " theres 3 important things you need to know starting your day, 1. You are beautiful, 2. You are strong, 3. You are loved"..... this was so amazing to wake up to. I'm hopeful... although I'm taking things moment by moment, minute by minute bc i never know how I'll feel the next, it is the greatest thing ever to finally feel a glimpse of hope, even if it's just for a minute.
     
  2. SpiritVessel

    SpiritVessel Fapstronaut

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    Partnered PA here. Thank you for the reminder that little moments with the right words and actions, fuel by loving intentions can make a difference in my SO's emotional state as we work through this struggle together. I just left her a note to wake up with.
     
    Healmyheart and Deleted Account like this.
  3. Thank you for sharing this and the rest of your post. This is why I also spend a good amount of time in this section - to be reminded of the damage I have/continue to cause and what I can do better for myself and my SO.
     

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