I'm disappointed with myself...

I'm totally disappointed with myself..
I am just a loser..

I always say, "I will stop watching porn", "I will stop masturbation".. I always fail.
It's so depressing..

I can go one day without masturbation and porn, but then it starts again..
I masturbated twice today..

I want to stop watching porn and masturbation, to rewire my brain, because I am attracted to guys. (Made some posts about it, a few days ago.)
It confuses me so much, I think that my whole life was a lie, and that I was actually gay all along.
Maybe I am. But I don't want to.

I'm confused and just tired of returning to porn all the time. I tried going out when I have the urges, or doing other things, but I keep having urges again, after some hours, or a day.. I don't know what to do anymore.m

 

I just wrote something like this 5 days ago here (you can still easily find it) saying I am a loser, extreme Social Anxiety, not feeling like I am a male at all (sometimes I even feel non binary), and crying to sleep level depressed, I get it. I'm pretty new here but I can already tell just by admitting I have an addiction and trying to break it here that I can live my life so much better. I have already relapsed twice since that first post just like you [ I can go one day without masturbation and porn, but then it starts again.. I masturbated twice today.. ] But compared to my 4 times a day and constant exhaustion this is significant improvement. I'm struggling too, it's gonna be a bumpy road, but I today I woke up for once, feeling some happiness and motivation to start the day. Just be honest with yourself and keep trying.

 

Calling yourself a loser is just flat bullshit its a false story you repeat to yourself , I rember a something someone said to me that realy got me out of bad spot in my life it was STOP FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF YOUR BETTER THAN THAT

 

I have to try that.. Thanks..