Im becoming Suicidal due to relapse

@FindingAName
May I remind you on what I already told you: You are a wonderful person. Time will come you will be able to accept it by yourself - and your life will have some real content. Feeling your heart and not be controlled by your mind will make the difference.

 

Hey buddy, been in your position before with the whole weed thing. And yes, it will calm you right now but it doesn't help in the scheme of things.

Time is a funny thing when it comes to working on yourself. Notice how time flies when you abuse either yourself or a substance, but the second you start making an active effort to better yourself, well the days seem to just last forever. It is a hidden gift.

You have one life here on Earth (as far as we know) anything to bring you closer to a natural experience and lengthen the experience should be cherished. You're not happy right now, but in order to be happy you need to know how low these pits can get. If you push on through this, you will be met with emotions you didn't expect and maybe even some you feel you don't deserve.

You're here making an attempt so I can tell your heart is in it to some degree. Go for sobriety for a bit, replace the unhealthy rewards (weed in a bad mindset, PMO, etc) for something better (exercise, reading, hobby) and remember that the only things worth doing in life aren't always easy.

Feel free to PM me at any time I check back here to read every day, hope you're doing okay friendo.

 

Hey I'm a gamer too, that shit is fun in a bun! But the trick to NoFap is finding out why you PMO'd so much in the first place and considering activities that otherwise could take up your time and most importantly, occupy your mind.

An unoccupied mind is a mind ready and willing to fall back into old comforts, you're going to have to jump into something new and fresh to wrap your neurons around.
If the weed is something that really helps you right now and won't tempt you to PMO than I say go for it. If smoking weed makes you ridiculously horny, than do what I did and get rid of it. It will only hold you back if it keeps tempting you.

There is a misconception that going to the gym is for "bros" who just want to get jacked. Don't let that shit bother you, a muscle that moves even just 40lb's is healthier and better than a muscle that didn't try at all. Again, the gym is a long term investment that you have to learn to love. Train yourself to be happy in situations that don't make you happy right now is key to developing healthy habits that will get you out of the shit.

 

Brother, I have been there. I have tried to abstain from PMO and just last week I got in an accountability group and it has helped me a lot.

You might not agree with me on this but, putting my faith in God was the solution to the problem. I suggest that you talk to God about your problems. Killing yourself is NOT the solution. The fact that you feel this remorse every time you do it indicates that you are on the right track because masturbation and porn is not normal. Nevertheless, we have to accept the fact that we are not perfect but we must not lose sight that by being imperfect we have the chance to TRY to be better each and every day.

Abstaining from PMO is a tough battle. Tough battles are fought by great and strong soldiers. You are a great and strong soldier, brother. If we get hit in this battle (relapse), we get up and continue the fight. Do not lose hope.

If you have any question, feel free to send me a personal message.