He relapsed. It was over 500 days, since December '17. What a blow. I'm numb all over again. I don't think I can bring myself to write it now, I'm just... I don't know. To make it worse I had to catch him, I don't think he understands how much more it hurts to catch him. If he'd come to me like talked about it would have still hurt, but we could have been rebuilding something. Now, I don't know. I don't. He says it was only two nights for a couple minutes and he didn't O. Maybe I'm stupid but I do believe him. Things have been stressful before this, I had the feeling this may happen. I had written up something to talk about but put it off. His dad is in the hospital and they are not quite sure what is going on. He's been depressed because of this. If I'd talked with him sooner we may have avoided this relapse. I also left my migraine meds out, I got lazy and didn't lock them up. He has pill issues. I've been so good about keeping everything away, but just got lazy and forgot. He took a bunch of them. I know that getting buzzed on them and being depressed is what pushed him to it. It is no excuse, no matter what he is responsible for his actions. We've been talking but I don't know. I don't know how this will play out. On the up side, before he was only abstaining from PMO, I hope that now he sees that it is not sustainable to do that. He needs to do the hard, painful work and find the root cause(s). I have my thoughts but he needs to come to his own. I don't know what is going to happen. This may be it, I may decide I will give it another shot. It's hard. It hurts. I'm preparing for the worst. I guess we'll see.