I'm an hour and a half in...

It finally hit me today. Porn has been a constant part of my life since I was 12. I am now in my early 30s. Porn has been a constant part of my life for longer than it hasn't. I don't know if that has fully sunk in so I may have to come back here to re-read that once in a while on this "journey."

The truth is I am ashamed... I am ashamed that I no longer feel embarrassed about my habits. With such a long history of porn use, and using it multiple times a day the porn I watch has become more and more extreme. Going against what I believe in morally. I am terrified at how ashamed I would feel if people knew.

I work with kids... what would happen if they or their parents knew? I am trying to start a relationship with a girl I've recently met and haven't felt this much of a deep connection with ever in my life... what would happen if she knew? What if my family and friends knew?

And so here I am... I'm only an hour and a half in... which isn't a challenge... but it is the start of the challenge. I am sick of how porn has desensitized me to the world. Changed me... Changed the way I act and the way I feel.

And so here I am...

Wish me luck...