If you're in college please stop watching porn

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by Regent, May 15, 2018.

  1. Regent

    Regent Fapstronaut

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    Take this from someone who has to take a 5th year because of too many failed classes. I just finished my 4th year in college and at first I just only needed to take one extra semester. Well final grades have now been released and I failed one of the classes...which means I have to take another year instead of a semester. When I found out about that, I got depressed and relapsed.
    My time in college wasn't as good as I wanted it to be. Along with my grades, my social life isn't doing too well. Although I'm not sure I'll even have one since the majority of people I've known will already graduate. Porn has taken too much of my time that could've been used for studying and socializing.
    During my time in college, I joined two clubs: a religious bible study one and a martial arts. I only joined the religious one because my roommate dragged me into it as I had no interest in being in one. I stayed because I made some acquaintances there but still had no interest or knowledge in the bible. I realized that going just only because of the people there was wrong and left the club. I did make a few friends in the martial arts one
    (although many of them already graduated as of right now), but the majority of people there just fuck around and are way too extroverted and I'm not really that type of person. I also did get kicked out of one of the teams there. I sometimes wonder if PMO made me anti-social and shy towards them. This has me worried because I don't know if college is the last place and chance I have of making friends

    I blame porn for taking so much of my time that could've been used for studying and socializing with others. So if you are in college or going to start it, please stay away from porn. Study, join clubs, and make friends. Your grades and social life are very important for your future. Don't make the same mistakes I made.
     
  2. hashalot

    hashalot Fapstronaut

    "I blame porn for taking so much of my time time..."

    Porn didn't waste your time. You did.
     
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  3. The guy is depressed already, he doesn't need to hear that. @Regent life isn't over. I know you feel down and depressed. But seriously when thinking of people's problems we can see how small our porblems are. I lost my brother 8 years ago, i watched him dying and i couldn't do anything about it more than crying and running for an ambulance to come and tell us he's already dead... What about the people is Syria who have lost their families and homes. There're families killed by bombing there. What about the people of Palestine and how they suffer in Gaza. There're millions who suffer of food and water shortages in africa. I know losing a year of your life is hard. But how is your problem compared to theirs? What about mine? I may have lost a brother, but i still have my family not like the people in Syria. porn and masturbation sucks. That's why you should stop it, so do i. Do your best to use this year. Not just academic. Improve your future career. Take some courses, get part time job or an internship. It's going to be okay.
     
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  4. proxima-8

    proxima-8 Fapstronaut

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    If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything.

    @Regent I can relate to your story. This is also my 5th year in college. I made some mistakes and I was about to quit college but I decided to finish what I started. I’ll be graduating in a few months.

    Don’t give up.
     
  5. hashalot

    hashalot Fapstronaut

    Ever read "The Catcher in the Rye"? Back in the early 1900's people were wasting their time in college and finding all kinds of ways to flunk out of classes. They didn't have internet, there was next to no access to narcotics, and if I remember correctly the colleges were all males. But plenty of young men still absconded with their time in college back then.

    So no I'm not going to placate a simple explanation for particular behaviors. Not everyone needs the nicest, friendliest response to validate their ideas. Everyone here blames porn for everything. Oh, if only I didn't use porn I would be a superman! That's a lie. For most of us, if there was no porn we would find something else. Maybe it could only be half as damaging as porn but you would find it.

    My point is, the porn is only one manifestation of a deeper issue. Look, I have failed at this over and over and over again. What I have started to realize is a source of failure is fixating on porn as being the primary issue. Of course we all need to remove it from our lives, but I am not going to pretend that in a world with no porn I would have gone down a totally different path that lead me here. Chances are I would have gotten caught up in similar bullshit and all of you would have as well.
     
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  6. Many people use porn as an escape and excuse. Sure. But it can be serious addiction too. And addictions have a tendency to use people. You don't just go to a meth junkie and say them that it's all their fault for getting themselves in a hole. Sure, they made a bad judgement when they did that first one. And so did we with porn. So it's not like it's all to blame on porn and we have no fault in that. But at some point addiction takes the driving seat. And then people don't have full control. There aren't always deeper issues to it. Often it's just that simple.
     
  7. hashalot

    hashalot Fapstronaut

    I know people who have done meth and heroin. It is never that they just pick up the pipe or decide one day to snort a line. There is a long trail of events that lead them to that position where they take the first hit. And after they do that first hit they are by no means addicted. Every drug addict I've ever known eased into it and their mind was already damaged prior to the addiction. That is how they became addicted.

    A porn binge is nothing like a meth binge. I will never be convinced that a porn addiction just "takes the driver's seat". If you are sober and you are using porn, you are in control and actively deciding to use porn. When you're on meth and you decide to smoke more meth after being awake for three days, you are clearly not in control. When you have dope sickness from your daily heroine withdrawal and you have work the next day and a bag of heroin, you're gonna do the heroin because you're in a genuinely fucked up position.

    Porn doesn't make you paranoid, seeing shadow people. Porn doesn't give you dope sickness. Porn doesn't give you out of body experiences where you literally have no control. Porn doesn't posses you to cut on your face. Porn withdrawal is being really horny, getting blue balls, and weird mind games. It is not a week of sweating when you're cold, throwing up everywhere, and shitting your organs out because you were constipated for a month.
     
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  8. These are withdrawal symptoms and side effects of damaged body. Somebody might be experiencing all of it and not be addicted. They might choose to stop because it turns them off or they might choose to take a dose to stop withdrawals. That is not addiction. The addiction part is intense craving which is very hard to resist. Because one has trained their brain and hormonal system to function in certain way. That's when your body takes the driving seat. That's how all addictions work. They essentially work the same. The only difference is the damage it does to the body and withdrawal symptoms. But the mechanism of addiction itself is the same, or at least very similar (slightly different hormones and brain centers may be involved, but that's just insignificant nuance).

    There always is some potential to take control, at least for some period of time which can increase then with practice. Otherwise nobody of us could recover. But cravings and urges created by conditioned pathways in the brain can sometimes forcefully override common sense and discipline. Sometimes the frontal lobe is just not strong enough. The same way as sometimes a weak kid is not strong enough to hold a heavy dog.

    If you deny this it just shows that you do not have very good understanding on how addictions work of psychological and physiological level. There is a good study worth reading - https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2730661/

    Also this website is kinda go-to for nofappers - https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/research-articles-and-abstracts

    Read some studies and educate yourself on this. With all this free info on internet there really is no excuse for ignorance these days. :emoji_v:
     
  9. hashalot

    hashalot Fapstronaut

    I have read those studies and more. I am an empirically driven person, which is why I am here. In fact as a hobby I have studied endocrinology, particular that of male physiology. In my previous posts I've written generally, and indifferently using a plural "you" to describe personal experiences most of the forum ought to be able to empathize with. None of my posts where personal, but you're trying to morph this into some kind of personal attack.

    First, you are describing addiction to an addict. All you had to do is click on my journal to see how genuinely fucked up I am.

    Second you are creating an arbitrary framework concerning the points I ought to concede. " If I deny points x, y and z it shows I don't have a very good understanding of... ". Oh! I see how this works! I have to agree with your case because if I don't I am actually stupid, lacking cognitive abilities, or willfully ignorant! So no matter what, even if I continue emphasizing my position with heightened clarity (which is fundamentally a position of mind over matter) you get to win because you pulled a little framework trick! You win! You! You always win!

    I know for a fact you don't speak to people with that condescending tone in person. Everything I post here is exactly how I would speak to someone in person and if someone came at me with what you're trying to pull I would call them out just like I am doing right now. Have some integrity and don't address me like I'm an ignorant child.

    My position is very simple:

    Have some authenticity. Be original. Be creative. Don't get attached to some ideology that nofap is the end-all-be-all. Because if we create the notion that nofap solves all our personal issues, and then if we are successful with nofap but remain unhappy with our lives, our unhappiness would totally invalidate any utility of nofap. Instead, understand that nofap is one of the tools in the toolbox of self-improvement, use it strategically and be dynamic and responsive to your environment and yourself. There is always more going on than just a porn addiction.

    I'm not build a house exclusively with a hammer and nails. That house would be uneven, unstable, and visually repugnant. Sure I would have house - it would be better than living under a tree and waking up to a mountain lion trying to snuggle with me, but it would not be an ideal house.
     
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  10. boxer713

    boxer713 Fapstronaut

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    Hey dude I could relate a lot of what your saying and your completely right about porn taking fun and productive days away from you. As for your social experiences and from what you’ve said, it’s sounds really accurate. Porn will give you a scared and nervous feeling. When your fapping, your draining your life force which makes you masculine and confident. So you being scared and shy has a lot to do with fapping.

    But the bright side is, when you make it through this challenge in your life, you will be more stronger and wiser. No ones perfect. As @ Mansour96 said, they’re people out in the world with way worse problems than you, falling a few steps back isn’t that bad. Sometimes those falls can be a blessing in disguise if you let it. Look at it this way, you failing this class gives you another reason to want to let porn go. Anyway man, wish you the best of luck dude, peace.
     
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