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If your heads tells you one thing .. and your heart tells you another .. What do you listen to?

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by TryingHard2Change, Apr 24, 2018.

  1. TryingHard2Change

    TryingHard2Change Distinguished Fapstronaut

    If your heads tells you one thing .. and your heart tells you another .. What do you listen to?

    Is it different for the PA versus the SO? The betrayer versus the betrayed?
     
  2. Jennica

    Jennica Fapstronaut

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    I think that’s something we all deal with, there is the rationale mind and the heart that may not sync up. Figuring that can be hard and confusing, I know I went through much of that in the early days.
     
  3. Reverent

    Reverent Fapstronaut

    I think they must always jive before we proceed.

    And technically speaking our heart doesn't think, it's our head vs our head.

    Following only our desire portion of the brain can leave us feeling, hurt, helpless, misguided or addicted.

    Following only the logic of limited knowledge our brain keeps us safe, but may remove joy, successes, growth and excitement.

    I have learned that if I absolutely can't decide which brain to follow, I error on the side of rational, it will keep me safe.

    However I also always try and go with less conventional solution, fill my life with passion, and excuse those things that don't help or uplift me.

    When it comes to addiction the thinking brain must learn to apply the brakes, and take control of the feeling brain. Otherwise we steer recklessly out of control.

    Good question, best of luck.
     
    TryingHard2Change likes this.
  4. This has been one of the biggest issues for me over the 25+ years, but I have gotten much 'wiser' about which one to follow. For a long time, I followed my heart because I just wanted to believe so badly that whatever he was saying was true, even if it conflicted with what my mind was telling me. And, it was much less painful to believe what my heart wanted to be true. But, I finally realized that following my heart was actually causing more pain in the long run because it was such a blow to find out nothing I'd wanted to believe was true, and I'd feel so stupid for going against my 'better judgement.'

    Although the tendency is still there to want to follow my heart, I'm much wiser and have learned that, if my brain is saying something different, that's where I better pay attention because my heart is stupid as shit.
     
    Torn, Numb, Jennica and 1 other person like this.
  5. Jennica

    Jennica Fapstronaut

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    For me when I say heart I’m referring to my emotions, the rationale mind and how you are actively feeling don’t always line up or in sync, especially when you are hurting like in regards to a “broken heart”.
    A perfect example of this for me was after DDay with my hubby’s affair, I felt like I to run away from him, I felt repulsed at him touching me physically, but my mind wanted to understand from a level head, I wanted to seek comfort from him as I would normally. I felt split in two, that incredibly confusing.
     
  6. Yes! That is so true...that natural feeling of wanting him to be the one who makes you feel better, and at the same time, knowing that he is the one causing you to suffer so badly. It's really hard to even think straight because it is so overwhelming.
     
  7. Queen_Of_Hearts_13

    Queen_Of_Hearts_13 Fapstronaut

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    Honestly it depends. I have become very good at listening to my head when it comes to my own addictions (like if I have urges, Logic steps in and reminds me why that won't solve anything).
     
  8. kropo82

    kropo82 Fapstronaut

    Heart, definitely; I can usually conjure up some rational explanation for why that was the best thing to do afterwards.
     
  9. EyesWideOpen

    EyesWideOpen Fapstronaut

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    Speaking on a purely general basis, head. Rational and logical first. The heart will lead you astray. That is my natural bend.

    However, compassion and empathy are important, so really, it depends entirely on the situation.

    @TryingHard2Change , I did the enneagram test you posted a while back and my top two are 1 - The Perfectionist and 8 - The Protector. I am only a perfectionist inwardly though. I expect that only from myself (I know that comes from the extreme criticism I got growing up with my step-dad) and not from anyone else. But The Protector fits me well, with the exception that the link you provided has a strong theme of anger. Not the case for me. But both of those types rely more on head and not heart.

    I will change based on the situation, but my first instinct is to make decisions without emotion.
     
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  10. TryingHard2Change

    TryingHard2Change Distinguished Fapstronaut

    From what little I know you through your strong posts/comments ... I think just those two titles fit you well. (I am going to go read the descriptions now)
     
    EyesWideOpen likes this.
  11. EyesWideOpen

    EyesWideOpen Fapstronaut

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    You should make an entirely separate post about those personality types.
     
  12. EyesWideOpen

    EyesWideOpen Fapstronaut

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    They do, but I'm also overly tough on myself, though having both serves me very well in my job. My husband is a 4, the Romantic, so our types are the opposite, but we fit like puzzle pieces. It works out well (most of the times, lol).
     
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