I will fight this problem until the day I die!!!

My Journey,
Profile: Male, age 30, married with no kids

I started watching "P" when I was fourteen years old. At that time I would watch it for half an hour or so and release at least three times a day. By the age of 16 I felt that "p" was not enough so I decided to have a girlfriend even thou it's against my religion. (I am a devoted Muslim by the way or I believe I am). The impact it had on my life at that particular time was worrying. At school I had trouble communicating with the opposite sex and even with my friends. I felt like my life was on stand still while everyone around me were succeeding and accomplishing their goals in life. My GCSEs grades were not the best because of this problem I had.

In my early twenties I used to work as a bouncer and this had a massive impact on my life. I started realizing that I don't need porn as I was getting a lot of attention from women but on the flip side I used to have loads of one night stands and it made me feel low and worthless.

I thought the only solution to my problem was to get married and this is where I am at now. I took my wife to Saudi Arabia to work there for four years. The culture was something that suited me in terms of not talking or seeing the opposite sex however when I came back to England I believe that the experience completely destroyed me psychologically, the fact that I was back to square one where I was finding it difficult to speak to the opposite sex. I was wondering why am I like this and when is this ever going to stop!! The matter got worse as my sex life with my wife had become non existence and I started seeking out escorts.

This is the point where I feel I have completely failed in life and there is no point of me being here anymore. BUT I refuse to give up and I don't really know how long its been since I have watch porn or visited escort but it's been a while.

The results are that I can enjoy my wife's company and I feel much more confident with speaking to whoever and even at the gym I feel more focused and energetic.

The problems are still there in terms of going back to the escort sites and viewing them now and then but I am fighting it every minute of life and if I can't do it for myself I have to do it for my wife.

I feel even better now but just typing all of this up and sharing it with you guys. God willing I can maintain this for the rest of my life. I know the demons are out there and its time for me to step up and take control of them!!!

Thank you for reading my post!!!